Gay best friends, who haven't slept together?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 5:19 AM GMT
    I love gay men. I am 32 and only recently have I been able to maintain close (a.k.a. best friend) relationships with other Gay men that don't begin with a sexual encounter.

    I was just curious about how many of you guys maintain a "best friend" relationship with another Gay man? How many have majority female close friends? How many have male best friends that were on-time lovers? (Not that there's anything wrong, but from my informal observation, most of my Gay male friends are surrounded by one-time lovers.)

    I suspect our community suffers from a lack of true male bonding and the friendships that grow from long-term relationships, trust and sharing life experiences while not sharing sexual ones. I see a lot of boys (supposedly grown men) act petty with one another and generally opportunistic towards their "friends" and it's not a young guy thing, I see it in more mature Gay men too.
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    Feb 25, 2009 5:44 AM GMT
    Hmm,

    Let's see....of my closest friends, I know of five that are true close friends, and have never had any sexual encounter. Some of these guys I see every day. Others, months will pass between seeing, but when we do, it's like no time has eclipsed at all, and we catch up with each other.

    I have a couple female friends, none of which I'm as close to as my guy friends. There is one of my gay friends that I know loves me truly unconditionally, and a couple of my straight guy friends do as well. Those are probably the relationships I value the most. I dunno, when I came out, I lost the majority of my friends, and sought out having a good friend "base" to spend time with, without getting sexually involved.

    Inevitably, some have...and some haven't, and some of those I'm still close to, and others, I'm not.

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    Feb 25, 2009 6:06 AM GMT
    All my close friends are straight however both my x's still talk to me.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Feb 25, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    Well, my best friend from high school is another gay man, and there's never been anything sexual between us. But, yes, I think more of my friends are women than are men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    My closest friends are actually clients too. Also, mostly straight. Thus, I have RealJock for getting to know my peeps.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Feb 25, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    I have always had one straight male friend and one straight female friend all my life - just the pattern of how things go for me. I think many gay men have lots of female friends when they are younger but eventually cross over to male friends as they hit their late twenties and the gals get married and turn all conservative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 6:24 AM GMT
    Mostly male friends, all are straight - so they say, no sex with any of them. I have yet to find a gay guy (out or closeted) who has a clue about what it means to be a friend - with or without sex. Since I've begun to explore this part of my life (albeit very discretely) I have found this to be a surprisingly shallow community - but then my access has been limited - so I still try to keep an open mind. Sorry - didn't mean to come across so negatively.
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    Feb 25, 2009 6:27 AM GMT
    i have not had any kind of sexual encounter with my top 5 or 6 gay best friends. i have never had any desire to go there with any of them which i think is great!

    ...well there was that one time in vegas. 8 guys in a hotel, 2 of my best friends and i included. i had to leave when it all started. i waited downstairs because it was TOO weird for me to be in that environment with my best friends. oh man, vegas is a good place to celebrate the new year.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 7:03 AM GMT
    I have not slept with any of my close gay male friends. Now that you ask the question and I think about it for a bit, I realize that the ones I have slept with all ended up as acquaintances. Maybe I didn't want to soil the nest, so to speak.
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    Feb 25, 2009 7:07 AM GMT
    gr8tswim saidSince I've begun to explore this part of my life (albeit very discretely) I have found this to be a surprisingly shallow community - but then my access has been limited - so I still try to keep an open mind. Sorry - didn't mean to come across so negatively.


    Hey Gr8tswim, give it time and also take into account location and context. I know that at least for me, my coming out meant revisiting bars and things where I met guys but who were not like the people I spent time with regularly (fit, outdoorsy, motivated, intelligent, career-focused). I eventually realized that it was a bar thing or an urban thing, not a "gay community" thing. There are shallow people and deep people in all communities, including right here on RJ.

    I hope you don't become too disenchanted with it all. I feel lucky to be gay because even though my friends often threaten to take away my gay card (I'm not "gay enough" for them), I have met a lot of interesting people I would not have otherwise met and have expanded my own horizons. I get another community to become part of and to learn from and contribute to. And in doing that, I have met some really amazing people.

    I'm looking forward to hearing how things go for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 7:42 AM GMT
    I have had many gay friends over the years that I have never had sex with.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Feb 25, 2009 7:42 AM GMT
    I never sleep with my gay friends, but i have slept with some str8 friends,mostly in high school , we've maintained out friendship even though there all married now with children..The one str8 love of my life [from high school ] show's real concern about me finding that special one..I'm happy that he wants me to be happy...
    He's the one that got awayicon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 10:11 AM GMT
    only one, and am not sure i didnt had sex with him, the other 2 i did had even a relashionship with , and i never had more closest friends then ex's
    lol just the truth, icon_redface.gif
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Feb 25, 2009 10:13 AM GMT
    I have never slept with any of my friends! I guess it's a line that I would be too uncomfortable to cross!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 10:22 AM GMT

    I have one gay best friend ... It's amazing friendship without sex .. sex mostly ruins friendships that's why it never lasted with people whom slept with me ..

    I wish I have more male friends but they all just want sex ...


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    Feb 25, 2009 11:22 AM GMT
    austine_stock saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HEREBOLD TEXT GOES HERE Hi every body am new in this forum looking for an important friend the is close to me

    still a V and never done it before and am base in lagos nigeria happy to me any one at the age of 17 to 30 am 19 of age male looking for the same sex

    thanks


    LULZ

    We will be very important bestfriends. Love you long time.

    Do you also have that dying fithy rich uncle who is willing to give his money to a total stranger so that none of his gold-digging children get their grubby hands on it? I believe he frequents the Bank of Nigeria.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 11:29 AM GMT
    I made a lot of gay friends my last 2 years of college, but I didn't sleep with any of them. which is probably good anyway, because I had just come out and was in no shape to have sex with any of them when I look back on it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 11:32 AM GMT
    Sedative said
    austine_stock saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HEREBOLD TEXT GOES HERE Hi every body am new in this forum looking for an important friend the is close to me

    still a V and never done it before and am base in lagos nigeria happy to me any one at the age of 17 to 30 am 19 of age male looking for the same sex

    thanks


    LULZ

    We will be very important bestfriends. Love you long time.

    Do you also have that dying fithy rich uncle who is willing to give his money to a total stranger so that none of his gold-digging children get their grubby hands on it? I believe he frequents the Bank of Nigeria.


    hi am happy to meet u plz this is my yahoo ID we can chat with u right now plz try and add me to ur yahoo address list austine_stock@yahoo.com am waiting for u now plz be fast
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Feb 25, 2009 12:31 PM GMT
    I have 2 gay best friend who I never have sex with, eventhough we have share a same bed. One of them live with me for about 2 years with his bf , in another room. I treasure their friendship and constantly in contact with them.

    None of my ex become my friend . We usually drift apart a soon as we separated. However , I do have one fuck buddy who became my friend. He was never my lover, just sexual encounter but we keep in touch with each other . If I meet him we will have sex first and after that talk about politic and career.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 25, 2009 12:45 PM GMT
    Funny ... I'm split on this one
    offhand I'd say it would be best if you didn't sleep with your best friend
    but I happen to have a best friend who was a long term BF of mine
    and I just ended a friendship because a so-called friend was playing emotional games like that too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    Oh yeah.... I have quite a few.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 1:09 PM GMT
    outdoorathlete said I feel lucky to be gay because .. I have met a lot of interesting people I would not have otherwise met and have expanded my own horizons. I get another community to become part of and to learn from and contribute to. And in doing that, I have met some really amazing people.
    .


    Agreed! If I weren't gay my friends would all be people with a similar career/education/lifestyle to myself. Being gay means you meet lots of people who are so unlike you, it's sometimes a delightful surprise that they enjoy being friends with you.

    When I was single most of my gay friends were people I'd slept with. After years of an LTR that's no longer the case. Maybe there's a certain vibe that makes a bf uncomfortable around friends who met you that way, and so they get weeded out?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
    used to try having gay friends- but once they finally realized they were never getting in my pants, they stopped wanting to hang out...

    aerovaulter is probably the first guy aside from the other openly gay man in my fraternity chapter that i'd consider a true and potentially lasting friend. the reason is that he's such a good, high-quality man that i'd rather not loose him to a relationship or to the compilations of getting drunk and accidentally making out lol. he's worth the restraint.

    not that i wouldn't turn down some platonic cuddling. friends do that, right? just saying :p
  • twostroke

    Posts: 184

    Feb 25, 2009 1:47 PM GMT
    some of my best friends are gay but never had anything sexual with them. i also have friends just to have sex. i don´t consider them less worthy of friendship -fun sessions are just that and it is mostly viewed like that by both parts- (it´s like having a good conversation on the bus with the person next to you and when you get off the bus you may or may not see them again but nice still)
    i have both female and male friends in about equal numbers (straight, gay and whatever).
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Feb 25, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    I have quite a few gay friends I've never slept with.

    And quite a few straight male friends as well.