Handling Unwanted Advances

  • tonyatl

    Posts: 192

    Mar 11, 2018 4:51 PM GMT
    This category may be incorrect for my question, but I am not really sure how to handle unwanted advances at bars/clubs or elsewhere.

    I typically receive a considerable amount of attention when I go out (even at my advanced age), and it often comes from someone in whom I have no interest sexually although I may find them good friend material. they don't seem to get subtle hints such as I am not placing my hands on them even when they touch me; not asking any flirty / sexual questions; not reciprocating in kind; and declining direct or oblique requests to dance. These mens persist in wooing me in spite of all of my indifferent body and verbal language.

    Last night a nice gentleman monopolized my time beyond my patience but I didn't excuse myself to the restroom or the bar because he would have found me easily enough as they always do. I just held my breath waiting for him to give up which he did only in a way. ( fortunately a great looking man came along later asking me if I would fuck him after he told me I was fucking hot - but he had a boyfriend. his second comment after walking up to me was would i fuck him and his attention was welcome.)

    what is the most considerate way to terminate such encounters? the problem is that the more time i give them, the more attached and encouraged they become. and in one recent case ended with extreme resentment and anger on the part of the rejectee. i had absolutely no interest in dating or fucking him. all i want to do is give the message efficiently and gently without wasting a bunch of time waiting for the right moment because it never seems to come.

    PS - both unwanted scenarios occurred simply because i looked at both men who then used that as an opportunity to proceed with their advances. just because i look at someone does not mean that i have an interest to date or sleep with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2018 8:15 PM GMT
    You can ask: what type of guy do you like? He will likely describe someone like you to please you.

    Then you reply describing the type of guy you like, which should be completely different from someone like him. Stress that you're super picky and hard to please (even if it isn't true)
  • tonyatl

    Posts: 192

    Mar 11, 2018 11:11 PM GMT
    bachian saidYou can ask: what type of guy do you like? He will likely describe someone like you to please you.

    Then you reply describing the type of guy you like, which should be completely different from someone like him. Stress that you're super picky and hard to please (even if it isn't true)


    Bingo! Not sure why I didn't think of that because that finally got someone else off my back a few weeks ago when he asked me that very question and my response was quite at odds with his physique. This strategy will be a great time Saver. thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 12, 2018 9:07 PM GMT
    No need to complicate things: "Sorry I'm not interested" and "Please don't" when they touch you. If they can't respect that, you be more forceful and tell em no.
  • tonyatl

    Posts: 192

    Mar 13, 2018 1:55 AM GMT
    Cobalt saidNo need to complicate things: "Sorry I'm not interested" and "Please don't" when they touch you. If they can't respect that, you be more forceful and tell em no.


    It was more subtle than that. He put his hand on my shoulder or back of neck when I leaned down to hear since It was loud and hard to hear standing on the edge of the dance floor. He was not touching my erogenous zones. other men who egregiously violated my Space have been forcibly restrained.

    These 2 men (both attornies) were too sophisticated to explicitly state their aims so it was a bit challenging to find the explicit objection. They could always retort that they were just being friendly but no one presses me that hard on chit chat to be"friendly". so I could have said early on "Nice meeting You" and walked off.

    Less Mr Nice Guy and more down to business.