New Boyfriend & Gaining Weight

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    Since I've had a long gulch between serious boyfriends, I'm looking for others who may have had this experience.

    I've been able to keep my weight in check (never lean, though--trust me) over the last few years (I credit the RJ workouts quite a bit), but since I started dating this guy, I've really slacked off. I'm finding less time to spend at the gym, but the biggest hurdle is that he's a foodie who likes to eat at nice places and he's also a fantastic cook. We go to different gyms and I'm not going to suggest switching up yet just to try to work out together.

    Anyone else have this happen, and how did you adjust?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    Wish I had that problem... a cute new BF who's a foodie at heart and cooks well!

    I say, enjoy it. If he's a true foodie at heart, it would hurt his feelings were you NOT to eat and enjoy. Especially if this is a new relationship. Cooking for someone you like is a gift of the heart to many, many people. Like our grandmothers, they get offensive if you don't eat. Something "must be wrong". (Hey, I was born and raised in Georgia, so I know the southern grandmothers, and the southern boys they raised!)

    If things continue to work out between you, then you can address it with "let's cook some lighter fare tonight... show me how." Then you can address switching gyms or whatever you need to do to get you both in the gym enough to counteract all your wonderful meals.

    It's either that or just try to eat less of it. Nothing wrong with wonderful food if eaten in moderation with exercise. Or so I'm told. :-)

    Good luck with the new guy! icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    It is up to you here to change. If you go out to the nice resturants have some will power and order the healthy choice, nto the fantastic tasting fattening choice.

    As for his cooking. Explain to him you need to watch what you eat. Ask him to prepare healthier foods. Im sure he would be happy to. This is something you need to do now. Like in all relationships, comminication is key.
  • NJ_ITGuy

    Posts: 17

    Feb 26, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    I've found that eating a light meal late in the day keeps me from over ordering at a restaurant in the evening. I also *try* to model how my skinny friends order, which is usually something smaller/healthier. Tapas places work well since the plates are usually small. And splitting desert if we order it at all.

    I ballooned up 50lbs and still have another 15lbs to lose before my pre-relationship weight. icon_redface.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 26, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    Communicate. Tell him you love his cooking, but you want to maintain a diet that works for you and keeps you fit. Ask him to help you avoid specific things and to help work within your meal plan guidelines.

    As far as gym time goes, I'd take that hour to have some 'me' time.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Feb 26, 2009 3:57 PM GMT
    I have been in two similar situations.
    Be polite, consistent, and thankful for all he does.
    BUT bottom line is, you must make a choice.
    In my current situation, i choose to say "thank you but i can't" or "I'll just have a beer" - "i already ate dinner" or " i will be glad to go with you but i already ate dinner". You get the idea and to so will your BF.
    It is a choice you must make.
    Prior to this situation, i had another experience. In that case, i did not do the above effectively and gained about 10 -15 pounds of fat - was not happy but i did it to "keep the peace".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 4:20 PM GMT
    I am a total foodie also so I know what that is like. In my opinion being a foodie is more healthful then not. Cooking at home is 9 times out of 10 going to be healthier for you then any casual dining or fast food restaurant. Like some of the other guys have said, if you are going out a lot, just try to make a healthier choice of meals.

    Having a relationship while still maintaining a healthy diet and fitness schedule are most definitely hard. You have to make the committment to yourself and your boyfriend! I look at it as me working our for my boyfriend. I want my body to be in the best shape possible so that he can enjoy it! lol

    One tip; time management. You have to plan things out. Make time for nice dinners out, workouts, cardio, lazy days, all the good stuff. The gym has to be just as important as other things in your life. I personally cannot workout with a boyfriend. I am too competitive and it itsn't a good scene. But if you two can workout together, then by all means. You can spend time together and still get your fitness on. There is always group cardio. Go for a run together, or do a ab/core workout together at home if working out at the same gym is too much trouble.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 4:35 PM GMT
    I love food and I love eating out. Fortunately my partner and I don't like to cook. I would be in deep shit if he was a goumet cook.

    If your partner likes to cook then maybe you could suggest to him that he prepare some healthy lower fat alternatives like stir fry.

    I also find that it is important to eat breakfast and lunch, but eat less for supper. I am like most people I burn more calories earlier in the day. I don't burn many from 6 PM onwards.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    I always joke with my clients that a good relationship is hell on the body. This is really common. Couples seem to (unintentionally) sabotage each other because they give you the excuse that you are looking for to slack off. I think it takes a combined agreement and both parties have to be committed to the goal. I, on the other hand, stay single to keep in great shape. Lmao, wish it were so. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 5:03 PM GMT

    A new boyfriend who can cook and likes fine wine: why should you mind if you partake and increase your waist?

    Although, may I suggest being a kitchen rat some of the time and being a gym rat most of the time, k thanks sweetie, oops, you've got some pie in your five-o-clock. icon_surprised.gif
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Feb 26, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    I've had this happen recently, too. I was in a relationship with someone who had no interest in diet. My friends tend to be that way, too.

    At first, I got a lot of flak for ordering fruit and yogurt for lunch. Now, it's almost a running joke with them (and the waiters at our favorite 'dives'). Oddly, after a few months of giving me abuse, I noticed that they were changing their diet for the better - I didn't have to say anything. Fries stopped being ordered and their meals trended towards the less fatty.

    So, bottom line, hang in there and avoid the influence from others. Just might turn out that you change them for the better.
  • healthseeker

    Posts: 161

    Feb 26, 2009 5:31 PM GMT
    If the relationship is progressing you should establish that fitness and diet will be a priority for you so he will know to respect that and support it as part of who you are.
    I let myself go as I got into a new relationship and ultimately it affected how I felt about myself and affected how I interacted with him. We had some growing pains when I finally began to re-assert healthier priorities which he wasn't used to seeing from me
    That's my 1/2 cent.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
    OK I don´t see the problem. I love food, and I love cooking. That doesn´t mean that you have to eat huge amounts all the time. Not meaning it nastily, but is the relationship just an excuse for you to do what you want to food/gym-wise?

    Just askin...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 6:51 PM GMT
    I think it's just normal for people to slack off in any aspects of their life once they find someone special. I was on the other end, once my bf and I started dating he gained some weight, some of us push friends & family away, or just work less. You just have to be creative and do active things together. We go to the gym together all the time, a lot of couples do... besides its cute and brings you closer. If your not ordering healthy foods or he's not cooking healthy foods just make the decision to eat healthy together. I'm a Nutrition & Dietetics major so I always cook and had to convert my bf from "trailer trash casserole" to something healthier lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    I think part of it is to change the paradigm of what is romantic. Most things that we are exposed to as being romantic are fun and decadent in an unhealthy way. The problem is that we forget that the romance is being with someone special and not that you have to have foods smothered in butter and deserts loaded with fat and sugar. There's also the 'romance' of lying in bed all day with someone and doing nothing. I'm not suggesting that you eat salads and then jog together and call it 'romantic.' Moderation in the decadence is the key.

    Also, when exercise and a healthy diet is only motivated by the need to attract someone rather than a personal and permanent lifestyle, then it will be the first thing sacrificed once a relationship starts.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 27, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
    Try having a BF that had gone to culinary school
    It was great ... we had some really fantastic meals

    but it sucked because I got used to it and it really made me have to watch what I eat
    It always happens when you have a relationship you spend more time away from the gym
    eat home and eat out more together and you spend less time doing physical things
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 27, 2009 1:30 AM GMT
    Being a food critic and an amateur pastry chef, I kinda know where you're coming from. But I workout between 4-7 hours a day so I manage to keep off the weight that way; however, whenever I date a guy, I find myself missing out on my workouts...

    The trick to this is that I promise myself no indulging during the week. Sunday night to Friday night I stick to a very lean diet. Once Friday night hits, I allow myself to indulge for the weekend. Also try getting in forms of exercise that don't require the gym. Try walking to a restaurant a mile or two away; that way you'll get to burn off some of the food and get some cardio in.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Feb 27, 2009 1:35 AM GMT
    Look at it this way. You GET to work out not you HAVE to work out.

    I spent 3 weeks doing the Appalachian project with my guy. It changed my life. People talk about staving individuals in 3rd world countries. We have it right here in this country.

    It was his idea so I give him all the credit, but those people would give their eye teeth, if they had them, to be able to comsume so much food they actually had a nice clean facility to go work it off in. We, the majority, in this country live way above the poverty level.
    We visited tin shack homes with wood and dirt floors. We stayed in a Winnabego, but spemt alot of time in their homes. We brought food supplies Christmas presents for the kids. Helped build better homes and he taught kids some basics in reading. He is truely an amazing man.

    I left there feeling we didn't do enough. We are going to do it again instead of a vacation when we can both take time off. Someone posted a thread about a vacation-this was not a vacation, but it will make you appreciate every little thing you have-not the stupid shit you want.icon_idea.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Feb 27, 2009 1:38 AM GMT
    1969,

    I didn't mean this as a lecture or just for you, but for all readers. My advice to you directly would be while you are strong enough and young enough to work out, why not. The positive benefits will keep you looking and feeling better longer.

    peace, mike3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2009 4:14 AM GMT
    At the gym, I can tell which guys just came out of a relationship.

    You see a guy regularly at the gym. He's lean, built, and looking good. And then you don't see him for a while. After a few months, you see him at the gym.. But a little soft, pudgy, and pale. Often times with a slightly defeated expression on his face.

    But yeah, I'd have to agree with everyone else. Communication is the key. You're both going to have to make some compromises in your lifestyles. Since he likes to cook, it might be a good challenge for him to come up with some meals that are healthy, yet flavorful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    What I would do in this type of situation is explain your concerns to your new boy. I l-o-v-e LOVE good food. I mean seriously good food is probably my favorite thing about life besides love and sex heheicon_twisted.gif.
    But, I digress... You know what you want to achieve and how hard it is to stay on track so express your weight gaining concerns and why you have them.
    If he really is a wonderful chef, then it should be no problem for him to create wonderful low fat dishes that you both can enjoy and still keep your caloric intake where you want it to be. Congrats on the new relationship though. My blessings upon you both. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    After living in Italy and picking up some awesome recipes I would say it would definitely hurt my feelings if the guy I'm dating doesn't enjoy my meals because he can't work it off at the gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2009 10:35 PM GMT
    yeah, but guys, you don´t *have* to eat huge portions. I like people to enjoy my food when I cook, but I would never dream of trying to make someone eat more than they want to. I really don´t get it. Half the things I like in my profile are food. You don´t get fat just from eating cheese. You get fat from eating lots of cheese often.

    icon_biggrin.gif