zakariahzol saidThis is related to the thread I post earlier "Gay domestic violence". If you are in a relationship, where do you draw the line between loving somebody and taking control of somebody life. I suppose if you are in a relationship with someone it just natural for you to share you life with them. However it is your right to determined how you other half spend his money, his checkbook transaction and how he spend his times .
I for one, need my own space and sometimes have a need to be alone. I prefer to travel alone and sometimes sleep alone. One of the reason I broke up with my ex is because I insist to have my own space and times alone. He dont appreciated it when I go shopping by myself, travel alone and the have fact I insist we split expenses between us. He latter on find another fellow , who willing to do that and leave me. Is he being to possesive or I am being to selfish?
It just sounds like a bad match, to me-- not him being "too needy or possessive or clingy," just too needy or possessive or clingy for you
. And you aren't "too independent," you were just too independent for him
. Next time, put off getting together until it's with someone who's more comfortable with your personality and vice-versa. It's the difference between assuming that 'a relationship' is a generic, formulaic thing with 'rights' and 'wrongs' that are absolute which you as individuals must conform to, and assuming that it's a consentual association between two individuals. My own bf and I differ on this too, he talks about "our relationship" as if it's this living thing that's ensnared both of us and ought to consume or assimilate us into one blended being, like a venus fly trap that's digesting us into some uniform mush.
Meanwhile, I like being with him-- any time he wants to spend together, I'm glad to-- but I'm also very content to be by myself when he wants to do something with his other friends. And god, there are days I wish we had separate bedrooms so if I wanted a night alone in bed I could have it. I consider us two very different people, not even entirely compatible, but together by choice because of how we feel about each other. That doesn't mean I want to share one brain-- yeesh, he believes all kinds of nonsense that I find absurd! And it doesn't mean I want a joint bank account because I budget myself based on the limitations of my means; having more money than I've earned at my disposal would soften my mind and lure me towards irresponsibility. A bit of privacy and personal boundaries helps to define us, makes us one 'person' distinct from the person we're together with. If we were meant to merge completely, I think we'd have evolved to mate by running towards each other really fast and smushing together into one, fused organism