Seeking Immediate Feedback - A coming out question

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2009 4:51 PM GMT
    Hey gents:

    My 21 year old sister is driving from Ohio to PA to spend the day with me; my two bros, my sister and I are all running the Pittsburgh Marathon together and we're going to Fleet Feet to get shoes and attend a motivational speech. Anyway...

    In my life away from home, I am in the throws of coming out, having very positive experiences and feeling a lot better about things. A feeling I never thought I'd have actually, so it is surprisingly refreshing.

    This is a no brainer right, I'd like to come out to her today. I am going to come out to her today. She has gay friends and is by far the most likely to be fully accepting upfront about this. I worry about about her telling another sibling, but in the end I want them to know too, so I am not overly stressed about it.

    Any feedback? Thanks guys.

    Side Note: It is 11:50 now and she'll be here in an hour or less.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 28, 2009 5:05 PM GMT
    Just go for it. If she has gay friends, she will have no issues with you, and I'm sure she will be very supportive of you. As for your other siblings, well it may be better coming from her than you. What I mean is, if your sister tells them (knowing she has gay friends and accepting of gay people) she is in a position to kick their asses if they have any issues with you. I'm sure they won't though. Hope every thing goes well for you. Best of luck.

    Let us know how it goes?
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    Feb 28, 2009 5:06 PM GMT
    You're 28. She probably already knows or has a pretty good idea.
    Just swing it by her quickly and let her bring up the conversation.

    Just mention a guy's name briefly. She'll probably have you repeat it and there's your chance. Tell her.
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    Feb 28, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    Oh yeah, I wouldn't worry about her telling other siblings. It is what it is.
    If they accept it, great. If they don't, move on.

    My sister-in-law doesn't accept me because she's mennonite. Needless to say I haven't really talked to my brother in 10 years. No sweat off my back.
    He'll come around eventually.
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    Feb 28, 2009 5:11 PM GMT
    Tell her. Tell her. Eventually when you're more comfortable with everything you will essentially be living true to yourself and telling the whole world directly or indirectly anyway. The good responses you've been getting will more than likely continue and the few bad responses you may receive are from faults and misconceptions on their part, not yours. Congratulations on taking these steps forward in your life!
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    Feb 28, 2009 5:20 PM GMT
    I just found this site today *but* I've had three sisters all of my life. icon_rolleyes.gif Your sister knows. Or, to quote one of my sisters when I came out to her: "Tell me something I didn't figure out years ago!"

    Have fun with your siblings and good luck with the marathon!
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    Feb 28, 2009 5:23 PM GMT
    Do iit n a private setting away from others so she is free to express her response to you. I bet she will be very happy for you. She may even know already and has just been waiting for YOU to be ready to tell her. Good luck
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    Mar 01, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    Well, it didn't go quite as i thought, but the deed is done and I feel better for it. My sister was very surprised and claims to have had no idea. She is 21 and busy with her own things though.

    She agrees that out mother could not handle this information just yet and it made her very sad when I told her that these past holidays were a tipping point for me because I felt I couldn't have a conversation with my family about things that mattered to me, that everything felt very surface level in depth and nothing meaningful. She understood.

    She seems fine though and again, I am glad I took this step. Twice when coming out to people I have had to remind myself to have some courage and buck-up. Funny how cowardly i can be when forced to test myself. I do have a certain cavalier sensation of not caring who finds out as I go along, but I still want to exercise caution.

    Thanks for the all the kinds words and support guys. Best to you.
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    Mar 01, 2009 12:28 AM GMT
    Well I'm glad it worked out, if not you're more than welcome to cry on my shoulder hehe lol
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    Mar 01, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    original714 saidWell, it didn't go quite as i thought, but the deed is done and I feel better for it. My sister was very surprised and claims to have had no idea. She is 21 and busy with her own things though.

    She agrees that out mother could not handle this information just yet and it made her very sad when I told her that these past holidays were a tipping point for me because I felt I couldn't have a conversation with my family about things that mattered to me, that everything felt very surface level in depth and nothing meaningful. She understood.

    She seems fine though and again, I am glad I took this step. Twice when coming out to people I have had to remind myself to have some courage and buck-up. Funny how cowardly i can be when forced to test myself. I do have a certain cavalier sensation of not caring who finds out as I go along, but I still want to exercise caution.

    Thanks for the all the kinds words and support guys. Best to you.

    Before you finally do get around to telling dear old mom, give some thought of your revelation from her point of view. For instance, it will mean no daughter-in-law and grandchildren from you. She may have had fantasies for years as she watched you grow up of what a love girl her handsome son will bring home some day and all the beautiful grandchildren she would get from you. ...pffffft! ....Gone! ....Of course, I dont know what else in your family situation might apply....like are you the only son? ...end of the line for the family name on your side. ...etc etc.... The point is be prepared to be sympathetic to issues if she expressed them....and be prepared to realize that if she reacts negativity to your revelation, it might not be your being gay that upsets her so much as the crashing of all these dreams.....and she might not even realize that is what is fueling her response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    hey bud,

    a year ago i was in your same position. i felt that my sister would take it the best and well that was the case in the end.. at the time i was READY to tell people and i told myself that i was going to wait for a "sign" (corny i know) but i did just that and well she cried... took her a while but we are closer than ever before! feels great too. now im working on the parents...

    Good Luck!
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    Mar 01, 2009 1:02 AM GMT
    Great point Caslon. You may have given that feedback elsewhere before because I shared that with my sister as well. She asked me if she reacted the way I had expected her to and I told I shared this without expectation, but prepared to meet here where she was with it and to move forward from there. I then spoke a bit about why I needed to share it, etc. As a side note, I have 2 brothers and a sister.

    Musc6, Thanks you for the feedback and the pm. I'll hit you back there.

  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Mar 01, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    Caslon9000 said
    Before you finally do get around to telling dear old mom, give some thought of your revelation from her point of view. For instance, it will mean no daughter-in-law and grandchildren from you. She may have had fantasies for years as she watched you grow up of what a love girl her handsome son will bring home some day and all the beautiful grandchildren she would get from you. ...pffffft! ....Gone! ....Of course, I dont know what else in your family situation might apply....like are you the only son? ...end of the line for the family name on your side. ...etc etc.... The point is be prepared to be sympathetic to issues if she expressed them....and be prepared to realize that if she reacts negativity to your revelation, it might not be your being gay that upsets her so much as the crashing of all these dreams.....and she might not even realize that is what is fueling her response.


    Wow, I never thought of it that way. I now feel a lot more sympathy to my mom's response to my coming out.
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    Dec 16, 2013 7:05 PM GMT
    original714 saidHey gents:

    My 21 year old sister is driving from Ohio to PA to spend the day with me; my two bros, my sister and I are all running the Pittsburgh Marathon together and we're going to Fleet Feet to get shoes and attend a motivational speech. Anyway...

    In my life away from home, I am in the throws of coming out, having very positive experiences and feeling a lot better about things. A feeling I never thought I'd have actually, so it is surprisingly refreshing.

    This is a no brainer right, I'd like to come out to her today. I am going to come out to her today. She has gay friends and is by far the most likely to be fully accepting upfront about this. I worry about about her telling another sibling, but in the end I want them to know too, so I am not overly stressed about it.

    Any feedback? Thanks guys.

    Side Note: It is 11:50 now and she'll be here in an hour or less.


    Good luck and God bless. I hope it all worked out.