How Did You Develop "Gaydar"?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16414

    Oct 13, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    "Gaydar", I'm always amazed when a gay friend or acquaintance is immediately able to point out a gay man in a crowd or able to tell if someone who wanders by is gay.

    Me.. I pay little attention and have been criticized by friends as "clueless" when I'm out shopping since I pay attention to what I'm there for, not looking at people. My cousin once told me that I have no idea who is checking me out.. but he meant women (LOL).

    Do you have a "gaydar" and if so, how developed is it?
    Is this a learned capacity?
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    Oct 13, 2007 11:31 PM GMT's intuitive, not learned behavior. but you CAN devolop the ability. icon_biggrin.gif i believe it's about paying attention and comprehending what you see. for example a straight man will look you in the eye, acknowledge you and look away quickly. a gay man will hold your gaze. that's because he wants to see if you will too -- which implies an interest in something beyond "straight" companionship.
    oh yes -- there is also the whole dress, mannerism, speaking voice, swishy walk factor, etc.
    exactly how "clueless" are you?icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Oct 13, 2007 11:36 PM GMT
    I would say I do and its pretty developed although most of the time I can't prove someone is gay so who knows how my accuracy really is.
    But HndsmKandan...I'd say its almost like a sixth sense.....that is, for those that are not obvious.

    For the very hard to detect guys.....
    If its the guy across the room sometimes its the way they look and glance at you...or the way they look away when you look at them straight in the eyes...remember, im talking about the guys that say they are with the wife and kids at home yet mess around on the side. These guys are everywhere.

    If you already know them...then it could be sensed in the way they shake your hand...the way they greet you...with overall neutrality or with a little more emotion and body contact. While your in a conversation if you see his eyes glance at other parts of your body besides your face..then he's probably checking you out.

    Overall i'd say its a very grey subject. The guy could be gay...or straight, or just curious but not gay. He could show absolutely no interest to guys in general but to you he does. This happens to me with a really good friend of mine that as far as i know is straight as they come...yet he throws me these constant signals that keep me wondering. In the sure even the man with the best gaydar is pushing at best a 70% accuracy rate. Just my thoughts....
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    Oct 13, 2007 11:36 PM GMT
    I would love to say I'm quite observant and aware of people and my surroundings. I honestly think I am. But sexual orientation always alludes me. I have had straight guys behave towards me in a way that I completely confused for a come on and consequently have made a fool of myself. Not that it really matters. But I am clueless too.

    I love it though that some of my friends are experts at it, and can spot gay guys easily. I find intuition of any sort fascinating. Its a sixth sense that's so hard to measure.
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    Oct 13, 2007 11:51 PM GMT
    I don't have gaydar but my friends do. I call one of them my "seeing-eye fag."
  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Oct 13, 2007 11:54 PM GMT
    I think it's a learned thing. My gaydar used to be so good that I could spot someone who wasn't even aware they were gay, because they were either in denial or just that clueless.

    But I think that if you stop hanging around a whole lot of gay people in person, you lose the "vibe" and your gaydar gets rusty and unreliable, like mine has. Once I'm done with this whole school thing, I'm planning on joining a local gay hikers group, it just sounds fun... maybe that will help reattune my poor lost gaydar.
  • cacti

    Posts: 273

    Oct 13, 2007 11:56 PM GMT
    Besides detection via obvious behavior and visual stereotypes, which doesn't count anyway, I believe that Gaydar™ only works by sensing another male's attraction to the Gaydar™ equipped individual. Otherwise there is nothing to detect. You feel the stare, you notice the subtle body language and unnatural proximity etc...

    EDIT: w00t! 100th post. What's my prize?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16414

    Oct 14, 2007 12:04 AM GMT
    Well Evilgemini, I'm really not clueless, I just haven't viewed "gaydar" as something that important in the past. I tend to pay attention to what I'm doing, not so much whats going around me, unless I'm in a bad area of town..

    Actually for ones own personal safety I think I should pay more attention. Gaydar only being one reason.
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    Oct 14, 2007 2:43 AM GMT
    I agree that gaydar can be both intuitive and observant qualities. Personally, I've always had a crazy sixth sense type of gaydar, but have taught my friends how to look for the right signs to tell if a guy is gay. It has a lot to do with the eyes. I know whenever I guy glances as me or makes eye contact, I can tell if they are straight or not. It could have something to do with pheromones too.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Oct 14, 2007 2:49 AM GMT
    My gaydar is defunct. I'm pretty sure it's because since I came out I've been in a relationship of some sort or another. I mean, I'd had sex for years before I came out, but not a relationship. So for the 4.5 years I've been out, 3.75 of it has been in a relationship.

    Oddly enough, and kind of exciting (because it's new) - I was at the school gym, and definitely had the whole "eye contact, grin, nod in acknowledgement" thing happen, which totally threw me off my game, lol. As stupid as it sounds, it was totally new to me, lol - I had to do a double-take because I realized what it was AFTER the fact. Not that I was cruising the gym, but when your school is full of social very quickly stop caring about the setting, and more about being social.

    *shrugs* I hope it's a learned thing. Otherwise I'm gonna have to steal OW's seeing-eye fag, lol.
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    Oct 14, 2007 2:55 AM GMT
    I apparently left the factory without it. Unless it is really obvious I almost never fail to miss the signs (whatever they are).

    My bf on the other hand somehow has the freaking Aegis model of Gaydar.

  • jokbod

    Posts: 22

    Oct 14, 2007 3:02 AM GMT
    Obscenewish"seeing-eye fag."


    I have crap gaydar too, so I developed a little trick that works almost every time. Keep your eyes peeled for reasonably hot women in the area, then watch to see if your subject checks them out. Since all men are dogs, they'll check the woman out if they're straight (at least 90% of the time). If they ignore her, chances are good that you're dealing with family.

    Hope that helps...

  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Oct 14, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    Ummm, if you are focusing on the task at hand when you're out and about (ie shopping, eating, etc) and not paying attention to people, then it would make sense that you would not be able to figure out the sexuality of that person who you aren't looking at anyway.
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    Oct 14, 2007 3:16 AM GMT
    I can't claim my gaydar is 100% accurate but for the ones I can spot, I'd say it's definitely in the eyes, the voice, the demeanor (the mannerisms), the fashion, and some other traits, depending on the guy. Some guys just have this "look" (and it varies by the guy) that gives me this sense that they're gay.
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    Oct 14, 2007 3:30 AM GMT
    My "gaydar" is really messed up. It doesn't work well for me AT ALL!!!! (It works for my girls very well)

    I am so attracted to straight guys WAY MORE than gay guys. There are probably a million different reasons why. So basically, if I really check them out and hope that they are gay . . . then they are straight.

    That is my gaydar . . . or more like straightdar.

    Back to the subject of developing gardar. My advice is to ask this question, but I must warn you, for it has awesome power. This question is:
    Are . . .
    You . . .
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    Oct 14, 2007 3:36 AM GMT
    I developed gaydar by looking for the clues that I knew I exhibited when I was in the closet. Eye contact and certain topics of conversation are big indicators, lol...
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    Oct 14, 2007 3:51 AM GMT
    When I first came out, I have to admit I was a bit... clueless. A guy could be cruising me for hours and I wouldn't notice him... which would frustrate the hell out of my best friend, who wanted me to get laid much more that I wanted it at the time. icon_lol.gif

    Now, some 24 years later, even when I'm not really "paying attention", I can tell. Its hard to explain, and it may well have something to do with pheromones, but its almost like feel a different kind of energy when "family" is around. Of course, I won't claim to be at 100% accuracy, but I'd guess about 85-90% of the time, I'm right on the money.

    Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder if it has to do with my libido increasing as I've aged... hmmm...

    I'm hoping gaydar doesn't start fading as you get older, because if it does, I'll have to find a seeing-eye fag, too. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 14, 2007 4:06 AM GMT
    I haven't..I can fuck all I like and I have no resist... I get ma ways. But I'm picky.
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    Oct 14, 2007 4:33 AM GMT
    The idea of "gaydar" relies on indirect senses and intuitions rather than direct questions ("Are you gay?") or fact-finding (like researching the identity of previous romantic partners). It also relies on sensitivity to certain mannerisms: anything from flamboyant or overt rejection of traditional gender roles (including occupation, grooming habits, and so on) to more subtle clues, like one's style preferences or other personal tastes or habits.

    William Lee Adams, an undergraduate at Harvard, replicated earlier work by his advisor, Dr. Nalini Ambady who is now at Tufts University. Ambady's original study published in 1999 showed that homosexuals are better at correctly identifying sexual orientation than heterosexuals from silent videos and photographs. Adams' research, started in 2004, focused exclusively on the face, the focal point of most social interaction.

    Personally I think my gaydar is very good, but at least a part of that is because I have been trained to be aware of people around me and how they act and react. I quickly notice body language and personal ques, even the simplist glance if someone focuses too long. I am very good at picking out anomolies, and solving puzzles.

    I think some people can do this almost instinctively, though quantifying it might be difficult.

    My partner Iain seems instinctively very good at it, as do a couple of my friends. I also have friends who are absolutely clueless, but I think that is because they don’t pay attention to other people in general ie they seem to be just as clueless at other forms of social interaction.

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    Oct 14, 2007 6:38 AM GMT
    For those of you who have a treo or a palm pilot. You can download Gaydar Deluxe and add it too you device. It's a fun game to play.

    On human Gaydar a good device is a little cute dog with a gay outfit on like a bumblebee costume on the dog. If a guy comes to you and is loving the dog. That's a good sign he's gay.icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 14, 2007 7:59 AM GMT
    I think evilgemini is spot on - it is the way a person looks at you and you can usually tell within a fraction of a second. There is also a straightdar by the way which allows straight people to work out who is interested in them.
  • Paradigm_Shif...

    Posts: 251

    Oct 14, 2007 2:03 PM GMT
    I think gaydar can be developed over time by hanging around more gay people. When I first came to college I was clueless and thought every hot guy I saw was gay simply because I was attracted to them.

    Yet, a few years later I have been able to spot all the gay guys at my gym (which was confirmed when I saw every one of them at gay clubs later lol).

    The curve balls are the guys who aren’t out or comfortable with their sexuality. Because they are unsure its much harder to get an accurate read, but that’s all part of the fun…
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    Oct 14, 2007 2:07 PM GMT
    Mine came with my GPS (Gay Positioning System).
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Oct 14, 2007 3:13 PM GMT
    I'm not good at knowing who is gay or not, unless they are a flaming. When I was single, it took a wall of bricks to fall on me to know someone was interested.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Oct 14, 2007 3:20 PM GMT
    My gaydar tells me that McGay is actually a straight man impersonating a gay man. Despite his convincing performance, he's really here to sell Amway.