Newly single after 3 year relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    So me & my partner of 3 years just split. Im 28 & dont even know how to act single anymore..lol really I dont even know what to do with myself.icon_cry.gif
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    Mar 01, 2009 7:49 PM GMT
    First of all you should change your rj-name, t8knjock.

    Then do all the things you wanted to do and couldn't because you were in a relationship. Now is the time for them. With a little distance try to figure out why you guys broke up and whether you need to change or just find a better guy for the next relationship.

    Generally give yourself time to get over the end of this relationship, do what feels good to you and do it at your own pace.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 01, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    It's tough getting over a break up
    esp in the beginning
    Don't even think about dating other guys right now
    take some time to be good to yourself
    do some things that you Enjoy
    do all the things that you put off or sidelined while you were dating your Ex
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    Mar 01, 2009 11:43 PM GMT
    sorry about the breakup, but I'm sure things will work out eventually. that's probably the last thing you wanted to read though icon_redface.gif

    anyways, just keep your head up high! you'll find that person eventually! icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 01, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    Is there anything you had always wanted to do, like some adventure, trip, vacation etc, that you couldn't do when you were in the relationship?



    Do it.



    You'll get through this, and you'll be better for it. Keep your head up
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    Mar 02, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    It's tough. Sorry to hear about it.
    Spend lots of time with yourself or some close friends.

    When I went through my breakup I took a four month vacation to a cabin in the woods. It took me a really, really long time to get over it. Now he's hardly a memory that I can grasp anymore nor do I want to.

    Just take time to figure out what you learned from the relationship and move on.

    Oh yeah, I always say before you do anything grab the closest bottle of liquor.
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    Mar 02, 2009 1:37 AM GMT
    nacbro saidSo me & my partner of 3 years just split. Im 28 & dont even know how to act single anymore..lol really I dont even know what to do with myself.icon_cry.gif


    Im sorry to hear that dude what happend if you dont mind
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    Mar 02, 2009 1:41 AM GMT
    That blows...
    and learning how to be single is not as hard as it seems... it just takes time. Find things to keep you busy. When my ex and I split, I dove into my local association (now VP), finished my masters, started going out to things with friends (a lot more than before), picked up some hobbies, and started working out.
    Find the things that make you feel like you.
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    Mar 02, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    debussy81 said
    When I went through my breakup I took a four month vacation to a cabin in the woods.


    You took a four-month vacation to a cabin in the woods? Wtf? I mean that's awesome, but a long-ass time to go away.

    Hey nacbro man, sorry to hear about your breakup. I think it's going around right now like the flu. I don't have any advice to give you, but I'll be sending you lots of good energy. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 02, 2009 3:48 AM GMT
    Try after 16 years. It was quite a readjustment, but one that was well worth it.

    Give yourself some time, and then start working on what will make you happy. By the time you finish that, you'll be in much better shape for dating, but don't assume it will be right away. Until then, just have fun.

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    Mar 02, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    three years isnt really that long, i dont think it is at least
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    Mar 02, 2009 3:59 AM GMT
    chaos444 saidthree years isnt really that long, i dont think it is at least

    This post fails.
  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    Mar 02, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear about the breakup. Happened to me back in May after 4 years, so I feel you on that. I would suggest that instead of jumping into the dating pool that you try something that you weren't able to do while in the relationship, so bernd is spot on. It may be a class or a hobby (I chose Krav Maga, but YMMV), but right now you really need to focus on you and what makes you happy. It sucks, believe me. There's a whole navel-gazing period that's not all that pleasant. In the end, the self-discovery is well worth it. Rebuild and establish friendships, because in my experience, those are more fulfilling in the long run and will stick with you through tough times. Most importantly, update us. All of us of a certain age have gone through a painful breakup and really do care.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 02, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    Like all the other posters, I express my sympathies for the situation, because as we probably all know from our own relationships, it's never easy.

    My first suggestion would be to really deal with whatever emotional needs you have. Can't say what yours might be since it's unique to you. Personally, my nastiest breakup left me feeling as if I was drowning all the time. I had a lot of anger and rejection issues to work through. Just make sure you address your emotional needs in a healthy manner. If you're sad, cry. If you're angry, take a kick boxing class.

    I think it's also important to stay busy. I found that I was often happiest in this troublesome time when I was swarmed with work because I didn't have time to dwell on the past. Continuing to do things that bring you joy is also a great step toward keeping yourself productive and happy.

    I don't think you really ever get over another person, but you do become tolerant of the situation. It just takes time. If you have unresolved issues with your ex, I suggest you also address those because the sooner you can remove yourself from this past without a lingering attachment, the better. Of course, it depends on what actually occurred, and if you aren't on good terms with him at the moment, it's probably best not to contact him at the moment.
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    Mar 02, 2009 4:13 AM GMT
    Pinny said
    chaos444 saidthree years isnt really that long, i dont think it is at least

    This post fails.


    and why is that?

    my brother was with his ex for like 6-7 years thats twice as long, and he's doing just fine.

    3 years, isnt long in a lifetime, the OP still has his whole life ahead of him, he's young
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    Mar 02, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    chaos444 said
    Pinny said
    chaos444 saidthree years isnt really that long, i dont think it is at least

    This post fails.


    and why is that?

    my brother was with his ex for like 6-7 years thats twice as long, and he's doing just fine.

    3 years, isnt long in a lifetime, the OP still has his whole life ahead of him, he's young


    because you don't know the depth of their relationship...that's why.
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    Mar 02, 2009 5:31 AM GMT
    It's never too late to enlarge your circle of friends or to lean on existing ones when you feel lonely .. even when you are in a relationship always invest in long lasting friends .. maybe you just need a friend ..

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    Mar 02, 2009 5:40 AM GMT
    chaos444 saidand why is that?

    Because you give no justification for your claim. It was only until I pointed out your comment that you chose to elaborate that the OP has a whole life ahead of him.

    We don't know the circumstances, but your post was fail in my opinion because you passed judgment on the fact that he was upset over the ending of a 3 year relationship.
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    Mar 02, 2009 5:55 AM GMT
    Pinny said
    chaos444 saidand why is that?

    Because you give no justification for your claim. It was only until I pointed out your comment that you chose to elaborate that the OP has a whole life ahead of him.

    We don't know the circumstances, but your post was fail in my opinion because you passed judgment on the fact that he was upset over the ending of a 3 year relationship.


    it doesnt mean it's a "fail" (as i assume you're referring to failblog.org??)

    it just means that we have different opinions, so take you're righteous indignation elsewhere.

    and i just said i didnt think 3 years is that long for a relationship, just my personal opinion, it wasn't an attack on anyone, and if anyone thought it was then they are looking into what i originally said far to much.

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    Mar 02, 2009 7:11 AM GMT
    Remember most of all that sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.

    In the meantime, nail every college boy from jersey to California....I kid, I kid.
    Well you know the old saying, when apple starts to turn red they're ready to pluck, when they turn 16 they're ready to ..... oh wait wrong forum...

    My point...have some fun, and understand that sometimes things end so better things can come along.

    Good luck bro.

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    Mar 02, 2009 7:28 AM GMT
    I doubt I have any insights greater than what the other guys have said. Best advice I can offer is to focus on yourself and your personal needs and growth for the time being, taking it one day at a time. And don't rush into anything with someone else. Rebounds always turn out messy it seems.

    Keep your head up.
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    Mar 02, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    First decide if this is what you wanted? If not try everythign to get him back. If it is, then time to heal and move foward in life.

    First step reclaim your life and who you are as an individual. Meaning get your own place. Re arrange your room, paint it, new linens. I have found even small changes in a persons living quarters can give you a new look and lease on life. Help redifine who YOU are.

    Take time to get reaquainted with old friends, old hobbies. Most of all allow your friends to be there and help you.

    When you are ready look me up I want a date
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    Mar 02, 2009 3:13 PM GMT
    chaos444 said (as i assume you're referring to failblog.org??)

    No

    chaos444 said
    so take you're righteous indignation elsewhere.

    How am I the righteously indignant one when it was you who blatantly judged him for being upset over the break up of a three year relationship which clearly, after your first post, is not worthy of lamentation? I am not reading into it deeply at all, you chose to post only about the fact that 3 years was not long. He asked for advice, not to be attacked for not meeting your relation-length standards.
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    Mar 02, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    I think everyone has pretty much given you some excellent advice. I say just to take time for youself. Do what makes you happy!

    Good luck.

    I think whats best to hear is that it gets easier. Most of us have been in your shoes before.
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    Mar 05, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
    nacbro saidSo me & my partner of 3 years just split. Im 28 & dont even know how to act single anymore..lol really I dont even know what to do with myself.icon_cry.gif


    Should say, " My partner and I..."