Why Are Older Gay Men Hated Within the Gay Community?

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    Mar 02, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    Over and over again I see negative comments about older gay men, the shapes of their bodies, their mating rituals, etc. It seems to me if we are lucky all of us will get to be elderly. Why the hate?
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    Mar 02, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    I would not say it is hate, but fear. We live in a society that is obsessed about youthfulness, staying young, etc.. This obsession is in the straight and gay community. Gay men often equate getting older with becoming less sexually desirable, and if they are single, with loneliness. They seem to discount the advantages of getting older. Better coping skills, more money (hopefully) to spend on the activities one enjoys, etc..

    I personally do not have as much patience as I should with people who fear getting older and want to stay in their 20s forever. Personally I think every stage in life has its' advantages and disadvantages. But that is my own peculiar nature.
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    Mar 02, 2009 6:18 PM GMT
    jimib saidOver and over again I see negative comments about older gay men, the shapes of their bodies, their mating rituals, etc. It seems to me if we are lucky all of us will get to be elderly. Why the hate?


    Yeah..its society in general ( and not only the USA) that glorifies youth and good looks.

    We gay guys are just imitating the process, despite thinking that we are so enlightened, nonjudgemental and "accepting"
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    Mar 02, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    Why the generalizing!! Why do guys like you post topics on here that state emphatically a fantasy that exist in your own warped mind as the truth? There is no hatred that I know of about older men in the gay community. THE GAY COMMUNITY: you say that like you have enough proof to state that the entire gay community feels a certain way.

    You might sound more genuine and less like an instigator had you said something like: I have noticed what I think is a little animosity toward older gay men amongst my circle of gay friends and acquaintances due to negative comments they sometime make (not over and over again either, drama queen). If you kept it up, you might hear "negative comments" about twinks, fems, muscle men, tops, bottoms, bears, chubs, masc domn, vers, domn vers, masculine bottom, bottom, vers bottom, sub bottom, aggressive bottom, aggresive top, nudist, gays with a sock fetish, gays with a shoe fetish, gays with an underwear fetish, older, younger, smooth, hairy, black, white, latino, asian, pacific islander, german, greek, Russian, Irish, Aussie, African, indian, East indian, french, English, brittish, short gay men, tall gay men, gay men who work for the government, republican gay men, gay men who wear white after labor day, democratic gay men, gay artist, gay musicians, leather daddies, gays who are cowboys, gorillas, bi, partnered gay men, gay men who are in open relationships, single gay men, gay men who farm, gay men who are on RealJock, gay men who are on ManHunt, gay men that are on Bear 411, gay men who are on Adam 4 Adam, gay men who like milk, limpwristers, gay men who carry a murse, gay men who work in the fashion industry, straight men, twinks, gay men who drink, gay men who smoke, gay men who don't smoke, gay christians, gay men who use a male girdle, gay men who don't drink, gay line dancers, gay teachers, g0ys, gay men who watch football, gay men who watch figure skating, gay men who drive a truck, gay men who drive a sportscar, gay vegans, gay doctors, and, not to forget, gay men who collect things. OP person, there is not enough venom in the gay community to substain that much hate toward a list that is only partially fully represented here.

    People talk about everyone, there is no reason to it and it certainly does not automatically mean hate toward whatever group gets gabbed over during lunch today or tomorrow. Sometimes if someone or some people trash someone or some group too much it often means they secretly like that someone or group.

    What is your investment here anyway toward older men? Is your heart really so big that its tormented if a few negative barbs are thrown around about them in their absence? From what I know of them: they do damn fine (probably have more sex than you) and they don't need your damn pity.
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    Mar 02, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    Man..........some posts appear so wordy and painful to read that i don't even bother....I can picture the guy furiously typing away......and the anger.the pissed off factor is funny too...........time for me to get back to work
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    Mar 02, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
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  • GQjock

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    Mar 02, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    Really?
    I don't see any hateful comments about elderly men
    Actually when I see a man who is over 65 say
    and he is buffed out ....
    and he takes good care of himself?

    I hate quoteing scanks but ... that's Hot icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 02, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    I have to say I don't see much of this negativity towards older gay men (me being one of them).

    What I do see is a lot of hatred and negativity directed a gay men who are seen to be effeminate or not straight acting. And let's not forget the bile directed at those who are thought to be overweight (are we allowed to say fat anymore?).
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    Mar 02, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    where i live most younger guy think older guys are trolls and age shouldnt matter but it does to some people us older can teach the younger one alot about life
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    Mar 02, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    Since I stay mostly within my age bracket, I dont sense this attitude too much. When a young person gives me grief about my age, I point out that at least I made it to this age and that there is no guarantee that he will. That usually gives him pause because young people never think that they might die a premature death....at that point, being older doesnt seem so bad to him.

    And as far as the body goes, one can keep the bod in shape. Look at some of the guys on here....in their 50s and 60s with bodies that would be awesome for someone in his 20s. But it does take more work.

    I see these fat-free 20-somethings on here and they just make me so envioius. But then I remember I was just like that back at their age. I had no body fat. I had a 28 inch waist. I could eat anything. So then I dont feel so envious cuz I realize it is just their age.....and when they hit their 40s ...hahahaha....have they got a shock waiting for them. tee hee hee .... icon_lol.gif.... well, maybe not, by then who knows what science will have discovered.
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    Mar 02, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidI have to say I don't see much of this negativity towards older gay men (me being one of them).

    What I do see is a lot of hatred and negativity directed a gay men who are seen to be effeminate or not straight acting. And let's not forget the bile directed at those who are thought to be overweight (are we allowed to say fat anymore?).


    Where you see more negativity towards older gay men is when there is a mixture of all age groups like bars or bathhouses. There is a surprising number of younger guys that like older guys, something that I was only dimly aware of until I joined RJ.

    I agree with you about the hatred/negativity against guys that don't measure up on the butch scale. Someone should do a scan of RJ profiles and count those that say they are only interested in "masculine or str8-acting" guys. Likely in the thousands.
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    Mar 02, 2009 9:21 PM GMT

    Because, this community is based on sexuality, sex. Old people are the furthest thing from sex. We gudge by how hot is the man and by how hot a gay couple look together. an old man is just an old man,but when you connect it to sexuality, as a gay old man, it doesn't seem acceptable for us.

    Humans, lthe same way straight people are disgusted by our gay sex, we also discriminate agains OLD gay sex ..even without mentioning sex, the word gay is always connected to sexuality & sex ..
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:10 PM GMT
    "Old" is a relative term. When I was a child, I thought people in their 20s were old. So what ages are we talking about? Also, sexual attractiveness is relative too. I have seen guys in their 50s who are A LOT more attractive than some guys in their 20s.
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:15 PM GMT
    jimib said their mating rituals, etc.


    I'm scared to know what he means by this
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    DClifterguy said
    jimib said their mating rituals, etc.


    I'm scared to know what he means by this

    Me too... icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    Older men who tend to their health, maintain their bodies, and consistently bring a fresh perspective are never a bad thing.

    To hell with guys <30 (myself excluded *cough cough*)

    For the record: I don't have "daddy" issues, I simply appreciate a handsome older gent.

    Cheers to AARP
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    Caslon5billion said
    DClifterguy said
    jimib said their mating rituals, etc.


    I'm scared to know what he means by this

    Me too... icon_eek.gif


    I picture a Discovery Channel show with a Steve Irwin type person voice over describing the "mysterious mating ritual of the endangered older gay male"
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:28 PM GMT
    I don't experience it. The only guys that want to date me are in there 20's
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:28 PM GMT
    Pitty Party Table for One Your Table is Ready
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    Older gay guys generally get less sexual attention than younger ones... but that's the same for straight men too.

    So I basically think that you are wrong to say that older gay men are hated. In fact, I know it's cliche, but I think some older gay men are very much worthy of respect.

    I went to a small school in a conservative part of England in the 1990s. One of my teachers was in a long term gay relationship. He had been since the 1950s.

    I can't imagine how difficult it was to be out then. I'm quite sure I wouldn't have been as strong. I couldn't respect him more for that.
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    I'd have to say "hate" does seem kind of harsh. Though I have experienced a bit of the age/snobbish attitude. I'd like to believe in the good of my fellow man Butt sadly that is not the case at times.
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    Older men are hot and deserve respect (as long as they are good people). Typically with age comes wisdom and gay men are no exception.
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
    what are you talking about, some older guys (like 28 ) can be sexy, but anything beyond that...*gulp* is there even a reason to live!?
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:34 PM GMT
    steltom saidI'd have to say "hate" does seem kind of harsh. Though I have experienced a bit of the age/snobbish attitude. I'd like to believe in the good of my fellow man Butt sadly that is not the case at times.


    Yeah 'snobbish' seems a better way of of putting it.

    But don't forget that older men tend hold all the power in society.

    I've not had a boss yet that's under 50.
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    I really think it is an overreaction to state that there is a hatred towards older gay men. I believe that just because someone isn't attracted to someone or turns someone down based on age, to think that there is some kind of hatred involved is kind of silly. Much like some of the previous posters have stated, you see alot of people on here and other sites that say "no older men", "no fatties", or "no fems," but while there may be more eloquent ways of stating it, these are just preferences. It is no different then an older guy getting a message from guy that's practically jailbait and turning them down because they are too young. It's not hatred, just that person prefers someone younger or their age. I think there are some older men that get a bad wrap from some of the old creepers on some of these website that get a little over persistent with there messaging, but we have creepers in all of our age groups, and shouldn't overgeneralize.