Need to know.

  • oxdr

    Posts: 92

    Mar 02, 2009 7:56 PM GMT
    What do all of you RJ's think about this.

    My kids's mother abandonded them with me 5 months ago on the 12th. There has been no attempt to see them nor has she asked how they are doing???? I have a lawyer and in my state after 6months it is considered child abandonment. I know that she is our drinking and doing drugs. My oldest who is four wants to see her. i want them to see her but I am so torn. Why has she not not wanted to know how they are or anything. I need advise or just some kind of oppinion.

    Lol to all who read this.

    PS.... As asked, yes she she know's i am gay.
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    Mar 02, 2009 8:01 PM GMT
    I'll try to understand this text ... I think you need to look again at this and edit some mistakes ..

    I've been working as protocol recorder in curts (sounds high class but it's a small job)... and I saw one case that sounds like yours .. I think you shouldn't ban the kids from seeing their mother .. it's an important part of their lives to meet her and talk to her .. I don't know what to do with her issues..
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 02, 2009 10:21 PM GMT
    Addictions are powerful. Stories like these are all too common. All you can do is be there for your kids and hope she turns her life around.
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    Mar 02, 2009 10:27 PM GMT
    The ball is in HER court, not yours. You hold the trump card and should decide when they should be allowed to see her. Past behavior ( drugs, drinking, etc) is usually an indicication of future behavior. Be very careful for your childrens' sake. Good luck!
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    Mar 02, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    It would be hard for me to let them see her if she is having all these addiction problems....and apparently shes made her choice as of whats more important to her.

    I have 3 kids of my own and have stayed in the little town with hardly no gay scene and worked a job I hate for 14 years just to be near them.

    If I were you and I did let her see them if she wanted to, I would definitely have it under supervised visits for a very long time until I could trust her....

    I dont think you will hear from her for a while though. Later on she will realize her mistake and want them back in her life, unfortunately they might be at an age where they can decide to not see her by then themselves.

    I applaud you though for taking care of them and being a great dad.....thank God they have you! You sound like a real stand up kinda guy! Good luck man!!!
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    Mar 02, 2009 11:05 PM GMT
    I don;t really know what to say. Addictions are powerful. I think she showed at least a little bit of sense about her situation by giving them to you. Shows she probably knows that she is in no shape to take care of them. You sound like a great dad. I hope it works out for everyone involved, but at least they have their daddy.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Mar 02, 2009 11:34 PM GMT
    First is that you get your full custody after the six months is up
    If you can find her let her know that the kids want to see her
    as far as anything else
    You don't have the power to force her to see her children
    if she doesn't want to
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    Mar 03, 2009 12:57 AM GMT
    I'm so sorry to hear what your children, you and your wife are going through. Addictions are vicious (and not uncommonly fatal) diseases. I'm glad to hear that you have a lawyer advising you on the legal options.

    If your wife is expressing no interest in making contact with the children, there would seem to be little point in trying to compel her to have contact.

    If she eventually surfaces and indicates an interest in seeing the children, then you should arrange for the court to approve a protocol to ensure that your wife is not under the influence of drugs or alcohol during the visits and that the visits are supervised at least until your wife completes some sort of rehabilitation program and is demonstrably not using alcohol or drugs for a considerable period.

    In either case, you may want to consider counseling for the children - even though they are young. Play therapists can do wonders at allowing even very young kids to explore and deal with their feelings. I do not know if Al-Anon has programs for families with young children, but you may want to look into that.

    Your kids are very lucky to have you.

    Best of luck.