Where do you go when you're in a social mood and your friends are not free?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2007 4:51 PM GMT
    If you’re in the mood to be social and none of your friends are free do you just stay home and chat online or go out looking for company? If you just want to have a beer and chat do you go to a gay establishment or a straight one? Some of you may live in towns with no gay bars. What do you do?

    When I was in my twenties I had a slew of friends to call on a weekend nights. Eventually my friends moved away, coupled off or just stayed home. I moved as well. Now I live in a city where there is no ghetto. I was never part of the ghetto scene but it was nice to know it was there. There are gay bars where I live but I’m not much into going to a pick-up bar (gay or straight) to find company. The dynamics are not right since the objective is not company but something more. So when I feel the need to go out I usually go sit at a bar of a restaurant order dinner and possible chat with someone beside me. Sometimes I end up talking to a hot stud sometimes a woman or not so hot guy but it rarely goes much further than a nice chat.

    Friday night I went downtown on such a mission but the pub I had chosen was too crowded. I ended up eating alone on a table in an Italian restaurant. When I finished my meal and was walking back to my car and I saw a very handsome guy around my age walking down the street. We caught each others eyes and if I were in a gay ghetto I would have thought we were cruising. We were heading in the same direction, me back to my car, while he was looking for a place to sit outdoors, listen to live music, get a bite to eat and smoke a cigar. I had to pass by the place he was looking for and the two guys playing music there were so good I decided to stop for a beer as well. I sat at a table near him and listened to the music. When the music stopped, we exchanged a few words and he invited me to join his table. He’s from Chicago and is married with four kids. He hails from a working class background, never went to college, but all his kids are not only going to colleges but good ones at that. He’s exactly my age, so when the two-guy band played some retro music we both knew it well. We had such great chemistry I would have expected it to go beyond the conversation if I had met him in a gay establishment. He asked me if I were every married and was surprised when I said no. He asked me later if I ever intended to or wanted to get married and was surprised again when I said no. We ended the evening by exchanging numbers and emails. He wants me to show him around the next time he comes down here. We walked to my car while I showed him one of the downtown neighborhoods. His wife calls and starts nagging him about staying an extra night away from home. Those poor straight men, they have it so hard. I sure had a great time that night and even more so knowing I don't have a nagging wife.

    I meet guys in an athletic context as well. Invariably they mention a wife or girlfriend. At times the chemistry is so strong that I can’t help but to sense a mutual attraction. That, of course, does not imply the attraction on their part is a sexual one. What makes it a bit confusing is that on rare occasion it does lead to a sexual encounter. Also, I’m sure many of you guys like myself, have met more than your share of married men in a gay cruising context. The guy Friday night reminded me a lot of a Chicago cop (married with kids) I once met in such a situation.

    That being said, in a non-sexual context when a guy tells me he’s married or has a girlfriend I don’t even begin to entertain a sexual encounter. I’m happy to assume he is straight even if it may not always be the case. As an example, I remember once seeing two well-built, very handsome, well-groomed guys heading into a restaurant and both looking at me at the same time in what felt like I was being “checked out”. I thought for sure they were a couple. We chatted in line and ended up eating our lunch together. One was particularly intense and insisted we exchange business cards. He later sent me an email. As it turns out, they are both married with kids. I followed up on his email but when we never reconvened I didn’t push it. Even if it is just companionship I’m seeking, I find family commitments don’t leave much free time to start a new friendship.

    I want to make it clear I’m not pursuing straight men because I think they are some type of “prized catch”. I meet the guy first, and if he’s attractive I really hope he’s not married and does not have a girlfriend. If he does I just go with the flow and enjoy his company. How many other guys have similar experiences? For the guys who were once married did you ever want to get away from the house and meet new people?
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 15, 2010 2:20 AM GMT
    friendormate saidWhere do you go when you're in a social mood and your friends are not free?


    ... in all honesty, I retreat into my head:

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    Jan 15, 2010 6:41 AM GMT
    To my favorite coffeehouse.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Jan 15, 2010 6:43 AM GMT
    to the gay bar
    i am always sure i will run into someone i know,,,,
    or someone i dont want to know lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 6:46 AM GMT
    Starbucks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2010 6:46 AM GMT
    or the gym.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 15, 2010 11:17 AM GMT
    On the few occasions when this happens, I pick a favorite restaurant or coffee house to walk to or I go to a movie. I seldom visit the "gay triangle" in Frankfurt when I'm alone; it's more fun and less pressure with friends. Coffee places are great to get into chats with strangers.

    I can talk to anybody and I never assume someone is making a sexual advance, so a straight guy or a woman looking for some fun would pretty much have to put their hand on me and leave it there before I understood any innuendo was going on. Embarrassingly, I wouldn't pick up on a gay man's advances either, unless they were nearly as overt as that.

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    Jan 15, 2010 12:05 PM GMT
    Gosh in many ways I'm very independent that way, I've never really thought about it. I love my garden, and am blessed to have an acre garden, only 20 minutes from the CBD in the city I call home. I have a nice beer garden and it's a nice place to hang. I don't invite a lot of people over, as I'm content to be here on my own.

    I'll take myself out for lunch, as I work afternoons and all my friends work days, or a movie. Maybe go interstate for a day trip, get an early flight, and be home that night. I've even been known to drive a few hours to the bush without a word to anyone, for a few days; gosh the choices are endless.
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    Jan 15, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    I go get enchiladas and tequila from my favorite Mex place... the servers aren't my friends but most know me and we share a few stories.

    Not that this happens often because I'm usually more anti-social. But who can resist a well-made margarita and some spicy food???

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    Jan 15, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Wow! friendormate (OP) -

    You have mad social skills. I think I only have been invited to share dinner with a stranger once. Interesting.

    I have felt that close connection with strait co workers. They are so friendly, and interested in you. Lots of eye contact, and smiling. If I had been in a social setting, I would swear they were picking up on me-LOL!

    That's cool you have the guts to talk to strangers. I have no problem talking to new people, its just that opening line that makes me hesitant. I think that I'm bothering people.

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    Jan 15, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    Starbucks
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    Jan 15, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidStarbucks


    or the mall.