Beginning Dating (Again) 101: How Do I Do This/Not Blow It?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    So, here's the situation. About six weeks or so ago I got out of a three year relationship and even before that I never was one to date very much. Now, I've met a really nice guy and we've started dating (we had drinks last week and our first real date last night). It's all very nice and innocent and I've found myself really open to the experience and also really glad to have met a really nice guy (oddly also just out of a relationship, and really really similar to me in a lot of really attractive ways).

    So, putting all questions as to whether this is just a rebound thing aside, I am curious how one goes about dating. I really haven't done it in so long.

    Today is Tuesday; I am seeing him again Saturday. Should I be in communication between now and then? If so, when is it appropriate to text and say hello? Tomorrow? Thursday?

    Any and all pointers would be appreciated.

    Thanks!

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    Mar 03, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    london_nyc saidSo, here's the situation. About six weeks or so ago I got out of a three year relationship and even before that I never was one to date very much. Now, I've met a really nice guy and we've started dating (we had drinks last week and our first real date last night). It's all very nice and innocent and I've found myself really open to the experience and also really glad to have met a really nice guy (oddly also just out of a relationship, and really really similar to me in a lot of really attractive ways).

    So, putting all questions as to whether this is just a rebound thing aside, I am curious how one goes about dating. I really haven't done it in so long.

    Today is Tuesday; I am seeing him again Saturday. Should I be in communication between now and then? If so, when is it appropriate to text and say hello? Tomorrow? Thursday?

    Any and all pointers would be appreciated.

    Thanks!



    Take a deep breathe...........Treat this new guy as someone special and different from the last.....try to avoid comparing notes on past boyfriends and focus on the both of you..........

    Remember, you guys should be able to laugh together easily, and treat each other as individuals...not as machines or expecting a certain way.

    HAVE FUN!

  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Mar 03, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    Its like riding a bycle, you never forget........icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 03, 2009 8:02 PM GMT
    Mikeylikesit saidIts like riding a bycle, you never forget........icon_eek.gif


    Were that the case, I'd be so much happier.

    I have absolutely no idea what the hell I am doing.
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    Mar 03, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    KissingPro said
    london_nyc saidSo, here's the situation. About six weeks or so ago I got out of a three year relationship and even before that I never was one to date very much. Now, I've met a really nice guy and we've started dating (we had drinks last week and our first real date last night). It's all very nice and innocent and I've found myself really open to the experience and also really glad to have met a really nice guy (oddly also just out of a relationship, and really really similar to me in a lot of really attractive ways).

    So, putting all questions as to whether this is just a rebound thing aside, I am curious how one goes about dating. I really haven't done it in so long.

    Today is Tuesday; I am seeing him again Saturday. Should I be in communication between now and then? If so, when is it appropriate to text and say hello? Tomorrow? Thursday?

    Any and all pointers would be appreciated.

    Thanks!



    Take a deep breathe...........Treat this new guy as someone special and different from the last.....try to avoid comparing notes on past boyfriends and focus on the both of you..........

    Remember, you guys should be able to laugh together easily, and treat each other as individuals...not as machines or expecting a certain way.

    HAVE FUN!



    Yeah, not really worried about comparing. More just... Good dating etiquette?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 03, 2009 8:11 PM GMT
    Just be you! There isn't a manual. Just stay true to yourself and your beliefs when you are dating and above all be HONEST!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 03, 2009 8:23 PM GMT
    Well let me say from your posting, you sound like you are already handling it very well. A couple of things:

    1. Don't get your hopes up: This is my largest suggestion. Make it laid back, don't set up structure (except for what your doing).. in other words, he isn't your bf, your not in a relationship and you are enjoying each others company. If it doesn't work or you seem to have different goals, ideas, etc, don't be surprised.

    2. Really take some time to reflect. You are out of a relationship. Carefully consider whats important.. NOT what your ex did wrong ("and I'll get it right this time they say").. but rather what did you learn from the experience and hone on on what made you happy. Happiness is so very important, seek it out and cherish it.

    3. Share your experience. I don't mean tell every detail to a friend, but share your happiness. I really do think it helps.

    4. Keep us informed. There are men here that will give you good advice.
    Take it to the degree that it helps.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2009 12:28 AM GMT
    Dating is not science, so there are no surefire ways. Just follow your gut instincts. If you want to talk to him before Saturday, call him. And have your antennae out to see how he reacts to the call. If he's enthusiastic he might call you back tomorrow, if he's not, wait until Saturday's meeting for the next contact.

    In the meantime don't make any plans to move in with each other, which rings you want or which china. Clinginess is a surefire way to chase guys away.

    Don't plan on anything after Saturday. Instead plan to have a great time on Saturday and maybe your good mood will come over.

    Good luck, much success
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    Mar 04, 2009 5:17 AM GMT


    Hey london_nyc,

    How cool and utterly fine it is to see you having a bit of romance! We remember your topic really well, and so this topic is nice.

    You're doing fine. Feeling like you're not knowing what you're doing, lol, gives everything you do an extra sincerity. icon_wink.gif


    Good dating etiquette is just about being a great guy. Your personality will put a unique spin on what that is.



    -Doug and Bill of meninlove


    PS excellent choice on Joni's music.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    funny pictures ... dont contact him until your next date, except maybe the day before to confirm....like via email or texting

  • JohnG16775

    Posts: 235

    Mar 04, 2009 5:36 AM GMT
    Good Luck, I will be following this thread since I am trying this again myself.
    I could use any pointers someone gives. Its really hard after a long time like in my case of being alone, about 10 years of isolation and reflection and personal internal growth. So lets see what happens for both of us.

    Best Wishes
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    Mar 04, 2009 5:37 AM GMT
    Be positive and uplifting, and don't talk about other dates or relationships

    Just take it easy.

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    Mar 04, 2009 10:18 AM GMT
    london_nyc said
    Mikeylikesit saidIts like riding a bycle, you never forget........icon_eek.gif


    Were that the case, I'd be so much happier.

    I have absolutely no idea what the hell I am doing.


    Look on the bright said, when it comes to dating none of us knew what the hell we were doing half the time! Well at least I didn't. If I really liked the guy then I would try and talk to him at least every second day before the next date. I also tried not to sleep with him right away (hard to do).

    I like to think of getting into a relationship as the equivalent of walking into a play part way through Act 2. You know a bit of the plot, and some of the characters, but you are really trying to figure out what the hell is going on. That is what dating is for, to find out who this person is who has lived a whole lifetime before meeting you.
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    Mar 04, 2009 10:30 AM GMT
    i just started dating with the intent of being serious and long term as long as we get along recently. i just got outta 3 year relationship, and have found it difficult to get into the dating, fucking and long term without being a over sensitive or emotionally unstable, until this guy. we just click/fit/or whatever the term is for the feeling, idk. all i can say from inside a similar situation to yours is, just take it day by day, step by step and don't over think, don't second guess, and for god's sakes don't compare him to your last great hit. he's a person, not a hit album on the slop pop 20 list. no offense, just saying, where i'm coming from... good luck too btw.
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    Mar 06, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    Wow, thanks so much for the responses and the advice. I really do feel in a place where I've been single for, what, six weeks and I've had a lot of fun but I feel like it would be nice to have a small amount of affection. After three years of being with someone, I'm still a little bit in shock, I suppose.

    So, like responding to this thread, I was so busy with work that I didn't get back to him till Thursday and it was perfect. We had a nice chat and caught up, very casually, and planned to meet for a drink on Saturday before going to his friend's housewarming party. I'm game, I love meeting new people. Hope it works out socially... He's a really great guy, I think, and I'm ready to see where this could lead. I'm not comparing him at all; I like that he's a different person.

    icon_biggrin.gif

    (p.s. just changed the profile name. time to dust off the remnants of the past relationship and start fresh.) :-)
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    Mar 06, 2009 10:47 PM GMT
    Hey bro, in the same circumstances here. Just got out of relationship right before Christmas, and just met someone incredible. I am trying my best to not get to excited but yet not let past experiences hamper something that both of us feel is really something extraordinary so far.

    I used to worry about all those particulars, how long to wait for the next call, to call or not call, when is a text saying hey babe hope you have a good day - not too much. I used to make myself a wreck worrying about all that, and it caused me to ruin a few promising prospects because they could feel the tense energy the fact that I couldn't relax.

    Now I really don't give a flying leap about social custom, the conventional or whatever else. I go by how it feels. I watch observantly to how he responds to certain things, what he says, and how it all feels and I go with it. If he is sending me I need my space signals I give it to him...then usually about 4 hours later I get a text from him...haha. When ever I notice it and give him his space he responds really positively when he makes the next contact. Yet I'm also aggressive enough to say hey I want to see you again what works for you.

    Throw out all the rules and feel your way through it, if its meant to work it will.


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    Mar 07, 2009 12:17 AM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidHey bro, in the same circumstances here. Just got out of relationship right before Christmas, and just met someone incredible. I am trying my best to not get to excited but yet not let past experiences hamper something that both of us feel is really something extraordinary so far.

    I used to worry about all those particulars, how long to wait for the next call, to call or not call, when is a text saying hey babe hope you have a good day - not too much. I used to make myself a wreck worrying about all that, and it caused me to ruin a few promising prospects because they could feel the tense energy the fact that I couldn't relax.

    Now I really don't give a flying leap about social custom, the conventional or whatever else. I go by how it feels. I watch observantly to how he responds to certain things, what he says, and how it all feels and I go with it. If he is sending me I need my space signals I give it to him...then usually about 4 hours later I get a text from him...haha. When ever I notice it and give him his space he responds really positively when he makes the next contact. Yet I'm also aggressive enough to say hey I want to see you again what works for you.

    Throw out all the rules and feel your way through it, if its meant to work it will.




    This is totally how I feel. It's been something of a really terrible week -workwise and personally - but he was a really big bright spot. So incredible that I actually am full of hope and I'm happy. It may not work out but that's OK; just keep going, and breathe yourself full of life every morning. There are great people out there and it's going to be OK.

    And I get to see him tomorrow!
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Mar 07, 2009 12:33 AM GMT
    I'd say don't make any quick or rash decisions. I met an interesting guy at a party recently, he took the risk of reaching out, saying "Hi", throwing me compliments.

    I wanted to get together with him and due to my impatience and cynicism, I wrote him off rather curtly. He might not have been playing games, but now I'll never know for sure because I was too quick.

    In short, prepare to learn about yourself and take your time!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidI'd say don't make any quick or rash decisions. I met an interesting guy at a party recently, he took the risk of reaching out, saying "Hi", throwing me compliments.

    I wanted to get together with him and due to my impatience and cynicism, I wrote him off rather curtly. He might not have been playing games, but now I'll never know for sure because I was too quick.

    In short, prepare to learn about yourself and take your time!


    Yeah, I'm really aware of myself at the moment, it's really interesting. It's a transition period but I feel like it's good to be prepared but open to life... And guys. LOL.