Does Muscle look for Muscle?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 15, 2007 1:06 PM GMT
    Background:

    There have been threads on what kind of guys people find attractive/hot/sexy... But this is a more focused question.

    I've been hit on a number of times by guys who are not muscular by any reasonable definition. They are either very soft, very thin, or both. They workout very little, if at all, they don't put an emphasis on it in their lives, and don't really care to.

    They like muscular guys, and are typically frustrated that their affections are not generally returned. I've tried to suggest to them the same thing that was told to both me and to my partner when we were younger:

    "If you want muscle, you have to have muscle."


    I bought into this, and have found it to be true in my life - but I've never put the question to a larger group.

    Question:

    If you are muscular, are you more inclined to be interested in someone who is similarly muscular?

    If you're athletic - a jock, are you more inclined to be interested in someone who is similarly athletic?

    I know this is simplistic, and ignores all the other things that makes even casual relationships work - but just on a simple physical basis - Muscle for Muscle? Jock for Jock?

    Thanks, guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 15, 2007 6:36 PM GMT
    I'm more interested in attracting guys who I think are handsome. If they have muscles then that's a bonus. However, if they are not good-looking but are muscular then I won't fancy them (much!).

    Muscles do not maketh the man and in my opinion there's a lot more to physical attraction than just how many hours a guy can put in at the gym.
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Oct 15, 2007 8:20 PM GMT
    I'm attracted to slim and muscular guys. Just no fat or chubby guys. I like looking at muscles with the guys in porn but I don't need all of that in just a regular dude. I hooked up with this one FINE white guy, AMAZING body but he was no where near as ripped as some of the porn stars I love to watch. But I was still into him, even more I would say, than someone with bigger muscles. I'm naturally slim/muscular and I always get compliments on my body but I don't do much to keep it looking like this. I should work out more and see if I can pull one of those huge muscle guys... LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 15, 2007 11:20 PM GMT
    It's never made any difference to me at all. Muscle is temporary, often "artificially" stimulated by steroids. It has very little to do with overall health. It waxes and wanes.

    I've always been most attracted to thin guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 12:46 AM GMT
    I've been working out pretty seriously for over a year now. I'm a thin guy with a high metabolism and i've put on about 17 lbs of muscle. Since then it's been all about other muscular guys. I used to think a guys face was most important, but now its arms, chest, and shoulders. So I think by putting my focus on my body, thats what I find attractive in other guys.
  • Nudista

    Posts: 158

    Oct 16, 2007 12:53 AM GMT
    I'm probably not the most fitted for this question since im not ripping huge...or even close...but I consider myself simply a fit, healthy guy.

    That said...I find that im mostly attracted to men of latino/mediterranean descent with light skin/dark hair...but overall the guys character/attitude carries the most weight by far.

    To answer your question Joey...If I was single I wouldn't mind dating a guy who might be a little on the chubby side or one significantly more muscular than myself. However, I must say that if the individual's fitness level is low enough that it would limit our recreational activities then that might be an issue for me. I certainly love to be active so this might cause problems if my other half is a weight attached at the end of a leash.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Oct 16, 2007 12:59 AM GMT
    I think athletic guys like athletic guys as much because those are the people who can do things with them.

    Something for people to think about, you find X to be sexy. Is it so shocking that I also find X sexy? Skinny guys like muscular guys, muscular guys like muscular guys, not really shocking.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Oct 16, 2007 1:04 AM GMT
    Well, I'm hardly muscular, so I can't answer that side of it. But as a relatively athletic guy, I would prefer to be dating a guy who was athletic than one who wasn't, as I'd like to be able to do things like play racquetball and go rock climbing with him. Also, if I'm being brutally honest, guys who are at least somewhat athletic are 1) more likely to be attractive than guys who aren't and 2) more likely to be at least somewhat of long term planners, as the health benefits of being in shape are much more long-term than immediate. Both of those are nice features in a boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 1:15 AM GMT
    PSBigjoey wrote: "Question:

    If you are muscular, are you more inclined to be interested in someone who is similarly muscular?

    Simularly muscular? I don't know. Similarly fit and athletic who shares similar interests. Yes.

    If you're athletic - a jock, are you more inclined to be interested in someone who is similarly athletic?

    At 45 I don't think I can consider myself a 'jock' anymore, especially since I don't compete in traditional sports anymore. But certainly if a person is simalrly athletic and interested in active sports or the outdoors, that was/is an attraction.(was an attraction when I was dating, is an attraction with most of my friends

    Similarly, most of my really close friends tend to have certain things in common - athletic - risk takers - adventurous - driven - yet laid back demeanors, etc.

    I know this is simplistic, and ignores all the other things that makes even casual relationships work - but just on a simple physical basis - Muscle for Muscle? Jock for Jock?

    Overly simplistic, but probably something to it.

    I just tend to gravitate to people who share my interests. Many of those interests are athletic in nature. I also have friends who are not as physically inclined, but share other interests, though those seem to be driven - adventurous - risk takers too in their own fields: music, food and wine, science and computers, etc.

    Certainly not being an athleticly oriented jock would not disqualify you as a friend, but yeah - I am certain it helps in that like may be attracted to like.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 1:39 AM GMT
    Of course I'm attracted to a fit body. But that doesn't necessarily mean I look for that exclusively. I for one prefer a mature masculine man with intelligence, culture, and perspective of life. A sense of dignity, humor and tenderness of the heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 1:42 AM GMT
    I'm generally attracted to Caucasian, dark-haired or blond guys. But yes, someone who works out is important to me. Afterall, much like PSBigJoey heard years ago, If you want muscle, you have to have muscle.

    Since I was a kid, I always found muscularity sexy and attractive (and that's when I knew something was "different" about me). And I have exploited my big frame to accommodate muscles. Granted, I won't go as far as doing steroids, but I do love being with a muscle guy. Or if I were to meet a guy who's bigger than me, with a drive to push me toward my better-best, then I would surely embrace this aspect of someone else, too!

    With that said, I still find handsome guys with regular builds to be attractive, too. And I'd be willing to date them as well, as long as I know they care for being fit. If I can make it part of my life, so can they! But with all due respect, my attraction doesn't extend to ostensibly out-of-shape guys.

    But finding someone who's both muscular or in great shape along with a magnificent personality and good chemistry -- that's a challenge, quite possibly a fantasy.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Oct 16, 2007 1:51 AM GMT
    "If you want muscle, you have to have muscle."

    Haven't you ever had a strong attraction develop with a guy who did not seem to be your type?

    That being said, I totally agree with the logic that two physically active guys will have something in common to share, but I think that this relies more on the compatibility of an active lifestyle than the matching set of six-pack abs. If playing sports, going to the gym, and eating healthy is a big part of your routine, it would be very hard to share your life with someone who lived a completely different lifestyle.

    For me, maintaining a certain level of athleticism and fitness after a certain age requires a great deal of commitment and discipline -- commitment and discipline can take many different forms and as long a those two qualities are a part of your core, I am not concerned with how big your biceps are....
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 16, 2007 2:07 AM GMT
    I guess it depends on what you find attractive and what you don't. Sometimes for me the same aspect on two different guys can be totally different, depending on the rest of the package.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 2:15 AM GMT
    I'm attracted to guys who I consider compatible. Since I'm in-shape, I tend to look for other guys who are in in-shape.

    What's interesting about your question is that self perception comes into play as well. Some very muscular guys have been attracted to me. One guy in particular considered himself too slender. I never understood why he couldn't see how muscular he was. He always seemed to think we were about the same size, but I'm certain he was more muscular than me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 3:13 AM GMT
    Muscle is what turns me on but it is also a pretty good filter for weeding out disfunctional types.
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Oct 16, 2007 3:58 AM GMT
    I surprise people by saying that it's NOT muscle guys who turn my head but usually very defined, thinnish guys that do. The strange thing is that when I was a thin, short 108 pound 22 year old, I was really only attracted to huge muscle guys...Not that a big muscle guy doesn't get my attention, but I then have to ask myself if that's natural muscle or steroid enhanced. (Yes, there is point when too big is too big)... Maybe that explains my attraction to perhaps the other end of the lean/defined spectrum. Gymnasts get me going, however...triathletes....well, you now know why I am a triathlete....

    You know the saying...."a HARD man is GOOD to find!"

    Peace

    daWeatherMan
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 4:15 AM GMT
    As much as I try, I'm not uber-muscular. That said, I do prefer muscular guys over the age 25. I once read somewhere that gay men are often attracted to men who represent the "ideal self" they wish to become. Probably a load of psycho-babble, but it kind of resonated with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 4:18 AM GMT
    I'm on the leaner side and almost all the guys I've been with have been muscular - so I'd say no that muscular does not always go for muscular.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 5:01 AM GMT
    i think guys whatever their appearance is, are gonna be attracted to whoever grabs there attention. For everyone it's something different and to say otherwise then the dude is just lying to himself. It's for sure nice to know a guy is willing to put time into taking care of his body. But if that's all he does they end up lacking other qualities that help define a person. Having someone to do things with for sure is something people look for without realizing.
    So to say all muscular and or athletic guys are "only" attracted to guys with similar builds would be a lie. All comes down to qualities we find in someone that we end up liking and or loving.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 10:33 AM GMT
    regarding joey's question i wondered if i was really that shallow and the answer is a resounding yes!

    aesthetically speaking i love to see tall muscular, men. but in reality i'm attracted to all sorts of men, not necessarily handsome, tall or muscular.

    however, having said that i realised that all of my long term relationships have been with tall muscular men. even though i was skinny before i started working out. (i'm not exactly enormous now but i have changed) so make of that what you will?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 11:51 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the responses - in reading some of them, it seems I need to reinforce a point:

    I'm not suggesting in the slightest that people do, or should, select either casual or life partners based on body alone. I understand that there are many other factors involved which are important.

    But I'm trying to get a sense of whether or not it is true that athletes, or muscular guys or bodybuilders tend to find others of the same physical type attractive.

    - J.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 11:57 AM GMT

    I'm VERY turned on by skinny pretty-boys. Give me a guy with a beautiful face who is 5'9", 135 pounds with a 28" waist, and I'll want to do him all night.

    And I'll walk right past any number of "built jocks" at the club in order to talk to him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 1:10 PM GMT
    well then I guess at 6 foot 170 I am out of the running huh greg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 16, 2007 1:12 PM GMT
    I think of it this way I am in decent shape I expect the person I am dating to be as well. Yes I prefer bigger muscles than I have, especially in the chest and arms. I happen to be more built in the legs though.

    I like athletic guys because we can do things together. Like I go to the beach and I dont want to just lay around in the sun, well maybe for 10 minutes, but I want to go swim, and play volleyball and all that jazz. guys who arent in shape just dont tend to be interested in that stuff.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Oct 16, 2007 1:57 PM GMT
    I think there's a difference between saying "if you want muscle, you HAVE TO HAVE muscle" and then asking do "athletes, or muscular guys or bodybuilders tend to find others of the same physical type attractive".

    I think that most gay men will say that they find physically fit, athletic and muscular men attractive, whether or not they themselves are physically fit, athletic, muscular, etc.

    Being fit is just like being well groomed, travelled or educated. It's a part of a man's character and says a lot about who he is. Unlike being well educated/travelled, however, and as Obscenwish points out, being fit and muscular can also be a temporary state.

    But to say that you HAVE TO HAVE muscle in order to be found attractive to a muscular man is much more absolute, and I think that a variety of posts here have already done a good job of doubting that theory.