Maybe it's just me..?

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    Mar 06, 2009 5:13 AM GMT
    I live in beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia - one of the best places in the world, regardless of my bias. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's the expectations of the gays of Vancouver, but it seems as if no one will even consider persuing me simply because of my age. I've gotten the whole, "you're sweet and all, but you're a little too young." Maybe I am young - but i'm not immature.I'm not looking to hook up - that's not me.A date here or there which could lead to more is primarily what i'm up for.

    Even yesterday someone I was interested in brought up the whole age difference and pretty much determined our fate was friends because of it.

    I'm just curious as to what is the current issue with age? It seems when people get too old or too young they're no exactly desireable...

    And yes I realise i'm young for a relationship or anything of that nature, but if that's what i'm looking for whats the big deal?


    any thoughts or comments...?

    has anyone else experienced this in their life?
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    Mar 06, 2009 5:22 AM GMT
    I'm 28 and would have a really hard time dating a guy my age. Young gay guys tend to annoy me and I have a hard time not treating them more like house pets.
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    Mar 06, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidI'm 28 and would have a really hard time dating a guy my age. Young gay guys tend to annoy me and I have a hard time not treating them more like house pets.


    Yeah I can see that, it's unfortuante how stereotyped the youngins' are.
    People assume I party hard, sleep with everything that walks, etc.
    But i'm nothing like tht. icon_sad.gif
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Mar 06, 2009 8:28 AM GMT
    ell I seem to get along bewith older partners.As far as a limit it really depends on the person.
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    Mar 06, 2009 8:30 AM GMT
    I have, and others do everyday. There is so much hate within the gay community, it's not even funny. Find a guy who likes you for you and not your age... I realize this might be a hard thing to do, but it's possible. Good luck man icon_smile.gif
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Mar 06, 2009 8:38 AM GMT
    I understand that I'm onl 25, so I'm still considered "young". However I have read your posts and profile and I would have absolutly no problem dating you. Most people I know who are my age consider 18 you be to young, but I generally don't. I tend to go on how one acts. If someone is 25, but acts 15 then I'm prolly not going to be into him. if one is 18 and acts level headed and mature (even if it's a level headed and mature 18 ) then I can definatly show interest. Age isnt a huge case with me, but I have to admit and be honest that when it comes to older men I enjoy simple friendship rather then intimacy. I think there is that unconscious feeling of "elder authority figure" and it hampers my ability to develop feelings for men significantly older then me. (say, around 10 years) Although I can say it's nothing personal.

    Personally though I HAVE experienced guys telling me that I'm "baby faced" or too young or stuff like that. Although Once there was a guy who wanted to "date" me simply BECAUSE I looked 15 at the time! Yeah, he was far too into younger boys and it was not okay.

    As I said before though, with my issue with older guys it doesnt bother me if they're not into me. Now if someone my age or younger, or even between 25-30 told me that I was to young for them it would prolly hurt a little.
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    Mar 06, 2009 11:16 AM GMT
    I went through the same thing when I was your age man two yrs ago. Well just know it does get better... but once you are old enough to date these older guys you will start to realize it is too hard to relate to them because of their age and once again the role is reversed. But you will get through it man
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    Mar 06, 2009 11:51 AM GMT
    tafkalil saidI have, and others do everyday. There is so much hate within the gay community, it's not even funny. Find a guy who likes you for you and not your age... I realize this might be a hard thing to do, but it's possible. Good luck man icon_smile.gif


    There is hate within the gay community, but I think there's not as much as people sometimes think.

    I think there's fear more than hate a lot of the time. People are afraid to get involved with someone and they come up with reasons why.

    I do think older guys do tend to worry that a younger guy will be more likely to leave them in a couple of years than a guy their own age might. That may not always be true, but guys think that.
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    Mar 06, 2009 12:06 PM GMT
    "I do think older guys do tend to worry that a younger guy will be more likely to leave them in a couple of years than a guy their own age might. That may not always be true, but guys think that."

    Yeah... for example Charlitos is 10 years younger than me, and I think that I would bore him after a while. Maybe it´s best that it stays virtual icon_cry.gif



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    Mar 06, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    Try going for guys closer to your age. 18 is young. There is nothing wrong with youth, celebrate it, and enjoy the time you have. You learn a lot about yourself and the world, and other people in your 20's. Give it a couple years and it won't be a problem. Just be patient.
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    Mar 07, 2009 2:54 AM GMT
    Rhythm1438 saidTry going for guys closer to your age. 18 is young. There is nothing wrong with youth, celebrate it, and enjoy the time you have. You learn a lot about yourself and the world, and other people in your 20's. Give it a couple years and it won't be a problem. Just be patient.


    I've tried, guys my age just want ass. (atleast most of them that i've met)
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    Mar 07, 2009 3:32 AM GMT
    Angelus,

    I can say from experience, don't worry. You will find that someone who will be your match. There are people out there that keep an open mind about age and don't judge.
    My partner of 4 years met me when he was 19. But like him, you seem to be one of the few younger people who are mature for their age. icon_wink.gif That's a good quality and nothing to frown upon.
    We had a lot of comments when we first dated but now it's never met nor is it an issue today.
    Just make your feelings clear on where you stand and you outlook on life and what you want. You'll find him. icon_smile.gif

    Bill
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 07, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    Having been your age not too long ago, I sympathize with your situation; I always felt annoyed when guys refused to pursue something serious with me. But having aged (just a little), I understand. It's weird, socially speaking, to be with a guy under 21, at least for me.

    It doesn't matter if the guy drinks or not, but I want to be able to go to bar with someone and not have to recuse myself from going out for a friend's birthday because I wouldn't be able to bring my boyfriend along.

    I know it seems like an eternity of unfairness, but you'll soon be older and it won't matter. Such is the breaks of life I suppose.
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    calibro saidHaving been your age not too long ago, I sympathize with your situation; I always felt annoyed when guys refused to pursue something serious with me. But having aged (just a little), I understand. It's weird, socially speaking, to be with a guy under 21, at least for me.

    It doesn't matter if the guy drinks or not, but I want to be able to go to bar with someone and not have to recuse myself from going out for a friend's birthday because I wouldn't be able to bring my boyfriend along.

    I know it seems like an eternity of unfairness, but you'll soon be older and it won't matter. Such is the breaks of life I suppose.



    agreed- i too tend to date older ppl, as i've always been mature for my age and can't really handle the drama or fickleness of my peers... so i feel the pain of the OP.

    but being above 21 makes it difficult to date anyone younger than..... not just because of the bar situation.... but there is an enormous amount of personal growth that happens in those few years between 18 and, well i can only say until 22 at this point because that's MY age, but i assume it lasts into the mid 20s. just think on how much a person experiences, is exposed to, and grows during the first year of college after high school, for example..... then, on how much one evolves from that college freshman into a sophomore or junior? there are some big differences there in independence, world-view/perspective, etc.
    and so for one who's taken that next huge step in life and graduated into the real world, or who is about to (moi), its difficult to consider dating someone who has yet to get there.


    i assume that later in life, age difference of a few, or even of many years doesn't matter as much, but at this young, a few years makes all the difference.
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    Mar 07, 2009 4:36 AM GMT
    I was young when I started dating my ex (who was almost 11 years older than me). It was hard... we were both in very different places.

    Now, when it comes to dating, I have a hard time with younger guys (less than 23) because there just isn't the same level of life experience. I have an advanced degree, have been around the block, have worked in my career for five years (with one and a half more of "interning"). It is difficult, at least for me, to be with a guy who is doing those things and not give advice, try to lead, or just simply get frustrated that I have done them. It is hard to go back and live through, with someone else, what you have already done.

    I don't think it is impossible, and I would never just cut someone off because of their age... but it is certainly difficult - for me - to have a relationship with someone who is just experiencing the things I already have. And, it was part of the problem with my ex and I.

    I know it sucks, even for the mature "younger" guys - I was one of you once... but there really is a huge difference between a new adult and an established one.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Mar 07, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    I'm not really certain what age group you are referring to when you are talking about your age rejection...I have to say...at 37 I am looking for someone who is in a similar life stage as I am...most 20-somethings are not there...just as most 50 somethings are not there [for me]...

    I am open to meeting tons of folks, and the person I was when I was 18 and the person I am now at 37 is fairly the same...though my life style is VERY different and the things with which I spend my time are DRASTICALLY different...I have also been on the planet twice as long as my 18 year old self...and I know MANY MORE things now then I did then...

    I teach at a university and working with 18 to 22 year olds is very enjoyable...keeps me young...but what is going on in most of their lives is so different than my own...even our points of reference and pop culture at this point are becoming out dated...I mention prime-time television characters from when I was growing up and I get blank stares back at me...

    I also knew I wanted to grow up fast when I was 18...because growing up means more independence and ability to direct my life...I look at the first years of me being gay and wouldn't take anything back...but I also wouldn't return there...too much of a roller coaster and I think I might be fearful that would happen if I dated my 18 year old self or someone around that age...

    so there's a perspective for you...I'm certain you are a great guy with a good head on your shoulders...you'll find what you are looking for...and with the right person...age wont matter...

    - David icon_wink.gif

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    Mar 07, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    lXxAngelusxXl said
    Dig_For_Fire saidI'm 28 and would have a really hard time dating a guy my age. Young gay guys tend to annoy me and I have a hard time not treating them more like house pets.


    Yeah I can see that, it's unfortuante how stereotyped the youngins' are.
    People assume I party hard, sleep with everything that walks, etc.
    But i'm nothing like tht. icon_sad.gif


    I know how you feel!!! But it's not ALL stereotype. I've found maybe two gay men near my age that don't do drugs or sleep with everyone where I live. Of course, I've found maybe two that aren't near my age that are the same way. It could be stereotyping perhaps, or it could be your approach. I find that men generally wont approach me. I'm a get in, get out, hang out with the friends I came with kind of guy and have been told by many people that I can be intimidating. So, I've only once been asked out in public. As for online, most guys are scared by my e-mails since they generally contain two full paragraphs at least - having a mind hurts too. In the end, stop concerning yourself with it. It's their loss if age is their issue!!! I can assure you however that after you hit 21 to 23 years you'll see a change in the way men react to your advances or how they approach you. In the meantime, keep trying and don't take it too personal - it's their issue, not yours!
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    Mar 07, 2009 5:15 AM GMT
    Hey Angelus,

    Young males are extremely chemically and hormonally imbalanced and sex-driven. You can't fight biology on a massive scale. But keep looking. YOU EXIST, so surely there are other guys out there your age who are also interested in more than just jumping in the sack with you. Try changing up the venues you're meeting guys in. Bars, for example, are probably not the best venues for meeting for something other than sex, drinking, and sleeping with each other.

    Good luck and keep your eye on the goal. If it's a relationship you're looking for you'll hopefully find it. I agree with dfrourke in that I think the biggest assumption is that you'll be in a different phase of your life if the age spread is too big and that will complicate things. But I know of a few younger/older pairs that have worked very well. All things are possible, including you finding somebody near to your own age who shares your idea of commitment, relationship, and sex.

    Good luck and have fun out there Angelus

    Troy
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    Mar 07, 2009 7:20 AM GMT
    Aw thanks guys =)

    Just in reference to a couple people - I live in Canada the legal age here is 18/19 in most provices, so the whole "21" issue doesn't exisist here, fortunately!

    I'm glad to see someone can empathise my situation though, thanks for the support. icon_cool.gif
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Mar 07, 2009 7:48 AM GMT
    lXxAngelusxXl saidAw thanks guys =)

    Just in reference to a couple people - I live in Canada the legal age here is 18/19 in most provices, so the whole "21" issue doesn't exisist here, fortunately!

    I'm glad to see someone can empathise my situation though, thanks for the support. icon_cool.gif


    You're welcome. *HUG*
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    Mar 07, 2009 9:33 AM GMT
    Age is a horrible thing icon_sad.gif
    It's depressing haha!
    People don't want to get old, but they don't want to be too young haha!
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    Mar 07, 2009 10:30 AM GMT
    Personally my ex-bf was 18, and it was really hard to continue the relationship for several reasons and after talking it out a little bit, we decided to be very good friends but the time we spent together was just amazing. If it happens that I like other 18 year old I won't hold myself, because they can be sweet, they can be really nice guys and trust me, many 22-29 year old guys can be just amazingly stupid.

    There's nothing wrong with you man, just dont rush into anything, take it easy and if you get rejected cause of your age, then move on and keep your head up, knowing that you have a lot to give and just some special guy will deserve it and be lucky to have someone like you.

    carlos

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    Mar 07, 2009 10:32 AM GMT
    Lostboy said"I do think older guys do tend to worry that a younger guy will be more likely to leave them in a couple of years than a guy their own age might. That may not always be true, but guys think that."

    Yeah... for example Charlitos is 10 years younger than me, and I think that I would bore him after a while. Maybe it´s best that it stays virtual icon_cry.gif





    come onnnnnnnnnnn, I'll never get bore of you! You are just making stuff up to get rid of me!
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    Mar 07, 2009 11:58 AM GMT
    I understand where you are coming from, I tend to only date older, since guys my own age make me feel like I should be paid for babysitting whenever I go on a date with them.