Have you ever outed a guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    There are a lot of guys out ther hiding in the closet.

    There are a lot fo guys out there playing on thier boyfriends/girlfriends.

    Have you ever outed a guy form the closet? Have you ever outed a guy to thier partner (wife/Biyfried) for having an affair?

    I know I have outed a couple guy that have cheated on thier boyfriends?
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    Mar 06, 2009 3:22 PM GMT
    I haven't. And I wouldn't intentionally out anybody. It would go completely against my own code of not kissing and telling. I could imagine only two exceptions, both of which are in extremis:

    If someone I had been with turned out to be a closeted, big mouth bigot who went on to harm the interests of other gay people, I would show no mercy.

    Or if I learned that someone was a health risk and not dealing with it responsibly (in terms of treatment and notifying partners), and I knew they had been with or were about to be with others, I would do what I had to - either with the public health authorities or on my own.
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    Mar 06, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    I haven't knowingly outed anyone, and it's none of my business whether a guy is having an affair. However, I did threaten to out a guy. When I first came out, I took a fraternity brother (one of the starrting pitchers for the university baseball team) home with me...I lived off campus...we did the deed, and the next day rumors started flying through the fraternity that I was gay and had "tried" to put the moves on him. I told him he needed to get those rumors in control, or I would have no hesitation in telling the true version of how quickly he threw his legs onto my shoulders! Somehow the rumors died down pretty quickly.
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    Mar 06, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    A former friend of mine was cheating on his boy friend and I made it very clear to him if his bf ever asked me I am not going to lie for you. I shortly decided that we could not be friends because of his cheating ways. To answer the question NO.


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    Mar 06, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    Since I started and claimed to outed a couple I will explain one situation. I had an affair with a guy. He told me he was single. We actually met up a couple times. A couple years later I meet his partner at a gym. We becames friends, btu I did nto know his partner was that guy I had with the affair with until one day he showed me a picture.

    He stated they we in a committed relationship. That if they weren't he would hit on me and take me home. i was flattered by the comment. However I felt put in an odd situation. Clearly one was floowling the rules and the other trusted his partner wasn't lieing to him.

    I outed the cheat. told the guy the entire sotry. He cried in my shoulders. They since worked it all out. An open relationship. I no longer speak to either.
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    Mar 06, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    I haven't, and I never will.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 06, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    Not intentionally, but I do have a friend who cheats on his partner constantly.. the partner also cheats (states he's 39 on his profile, but he really is in his early 50's). No need to say anything, they both know what goes on. I think its ridiculous.
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    Mar 06, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    I don't like tattle-tales ---- comes from having a little sister! Seriously though, most guys now are able to be out, with the exception of keeping things quiet around the clients and workplace sometimes. Life today is better than years ago when, if you were outed, you might find yourself looking for another job.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Mar 06, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    I have'nt yet those that have step out with I tell them that if thier partner asked point blank about it that I will not lie about it.So far I have'nt had to do it.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 06, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    I was told I did, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. The story goes along these lines: I was out, loud and proud in my last year of high school and all the cool kids liked me cause I just...didn't give a fuck. And we all had class together.

    Well, one of those cool kids was VERY adept at weaseling information out of people, manipulating them into admitting things they wouldn't admit on their own. I'm pretty sure THAT'S what happened with buddy I apparently 'outed' but...I got blamed for it because I was the out gay guy, he was the closet-case, and we all knew each other so obviously it was me.

    Because we all know straight boys are idiots and can't see anything. Even when the lady doth protest too much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2009 4:14 PM GMT
    No, I haven't, but I have been. I promptly wtfpwnd the dude at work.
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    Mar 07, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    My ex-flatmate outed me at uni. He did me a favour I guess.

    I still think he's total w**ker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2009 12:55 AM GMT
    No, but I've been outed, and it sucked. I cut them out of my life.
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    Mar 07, 2009 1:02 AM GMT
    I had a guy who I knew from my community growing up trying to get with me when I was 15, so I took a whole bunch of pics of him, printed out the emails where he described in detail the things he wanted to do and how he cheated on his wife with other guys and even his next door neighbor and sent them in anonymously to his wife.
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    Mar 07, 2009 1:11 AM GMT
    No, I haven't and never will but...


    While in Mexico this past summer my roommates snuck on to my computer when I was in the shower one night went through personal files -- emails, IM history, browser history, etc. -- and then told (and in some cases sent/forwarded) this information to everyone in my program, some of whom I was getting ready go out with and had planned to tell that very same night. I don't think I could ever out some after going through that -- and it wasn't even that bad, really. But it was frustrating and I couldn't do that to someone.
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    Mar 07, 2009 1:14 AM GMT
    I accidentally outed a frat brother in college who thoguht "no one knew", but really the second we saw him light up a cigarette, everyone knew. I was still closeted at the time so I feel sort of bad, even though no one really cared anyway, since everyone already knew the reason he was drinking alone in his room, cutting himself and crying. That's all taken care of now and he's actually one of the few frat brothers that I've remained friends with since college.

    I wish someone had outed me to my family years ago. I might have been upset at first, but it would have made things a lot easier on me. I wouldn't have had so many sleepless nights thinking someone "knows" and trying to cover my tracks. I had a much harder time coming with being a homosexual than anyone in my family did.
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    Mar 07, 2009 1:16 AM GMT
    Not something I've ever needed to do, as I'm secure within myself.

    But I have had people try to out me. For the reasion being they may of been getting dumped on for being a flamer, and I was getting no harassment at all.

    They would say. he's gay too,why don't you pick on him to. But I was not making an issue of my sexuality. Nor hiding either.

    I've always abhorred people outing another in an attempt for their own selfish advancement.
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:38 AM GMT
    Absolute_Zer0 saidNo, I haven't and never will but...


    While in Mexico this past summer my roommates snuck on to my computer when I was in the shower one night went through personal files -- emails, IM history, browser history, etc. -- and then told (and in some cases sent/forwarded) this information to everyone in my program, some of whom I was getting ready go out with and had planned to tell that very same night. I don't think I could ever out some after going through that -- and it wasn't even that bad, really. But it was frustrating and I couldn't do that to someone.


    That's totally creepy. I'm sure the law's on your side.
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:44 AM GMT
    No I would not. It is a selfish act on the part of the "outer" in all but a very, very few cases (for example a closeted politician who is supporting anti gay legislation). Actually it sickens me and I have no respect or time for people who do it (with a very few exceptions). It is also very cruel and in some cases could damage the person outed a great deal.
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:52 AM GMT
    Definitely not, it's just an invite for bad karma.

    I had a friend in Grade 10 out me in a crowded hallway before class. The friendship ended instantly, not much came of it since he only stated the obvious. However, I was not ready for it at the time.

    We have after many years exchanged a few cordial exchanges but it was still a crass act.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2009 12:12 PM GMT
    I've never outed anyone and never will, unless they are someone like Ted Haggard, I'd respect their decision to stay in the closet!
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    Mar 08, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    I haven't out anyone, and I wouldn't unless similarly as Maverick75 writes, it is someone in a position of power who actively works againsts gays and lesbians in act or deed.
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    Mar 08, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    Absolute_Zer0 saidNo, I haven't and never will but...


    While in Mexico this past summer my roommates snuck on to my computer when I was in the shower one night went through personal files -- emails, IM history, browser history, etc. -- and then told (and in some cases sent/forwarded) this information to everyone in my program, some of whom I was getting ready go out with and had planned to tell that very same night. I don't think I could ever out some after going through that -- and it wasn't even that bad, really. But it was frustrating and I couldn't do that to someone.


    Wow. Three years ago my older brother did just about the same thing to me while we were at my parents' place for Thanksgiving. He thought he'd razz me about the str8 porn he expected to find. But...

    It was probably the first time I hit my brother since I was in high school. It turned into a pretty intense scene because he didn't hit back; he just bawled his eyes out. I did a lot of yelling then left for a couple of hours. Those couple of hours were probably the worst panic I've ever felt. I don't even like remembering it. When I came back we were able to talk. More than anything my brother was upset because he thought my initial reaction meant I thought he would think less of me because I'm gay and because he realized how much he had overstepped.

    My brother promised not to tell anyone, but encouraged me to come out. It turned out to be really good advice. By the end of the break I had told my mom and dad (whose reaction was "We're so glad you figure that out. We always knew"). Once I knew my family was at my back, coming out to my friends, team mates, etc, etc was pretty easy.

    So, while I would never intentionally out anyone (except maybe a closeted bigot like say Ted Haggart), I'll always be thankful for the shove my brother gave me. It saved me a lot of wasted energy.
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    Mar 16, 2009 11:07 AM GMT
    ^ I guess that's the flip-side.

    When I was 'outed' at uni, I was embarrassed as hell for a bit, then once everyone got over the fact I'd been sucking cock, it was one of the best things that has happened to me. icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 05, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    Yup, when I was a twink and let's just say he wasn't none too pleased with me either! Won't do that again!