First date in months and i think i caused a "problem"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2009 6:34 AM GMT
    I finally got desperate enuf to accept a date from one of those "partnered guys". It was the best date ( not a 20 something) I have had since my breakup last June but i think it caused a problem. Does anyone know the mechanics of those open relationships? ..Do they allow themselves to have crushes and then play them out?
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Mar 08, 2009 12:41 PM GMT
    Alpha, first off good profile and pics of you...I also did the open relationship date and now the one guy writes to see me every week when the other is away...feel weird about it and make excuses for it most weeks..asked about the other guy and he says he does not mind me having sex with him but still be careful about it...have been avoiding them both for now till I see what each has to say...good luck to you...
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    Mar 08, 2009 3:02 PM GMT
    I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Do not think in any way it will end well.
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    Mar 08, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT, CAROL-ANN!!!!

    poltergeist.jpg
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    Mar 08, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI finally got desperate enuf to accept a date from one of those "partnered guys". It was the best date ( not a 20 something) I have had since my breakup last June but i think it caused a problem. Does anyone know the mechanics of those open relationships? ..Do they allow themselves to have crushes and then play them out?


    date? For myself neither I nor my partner date any guy we choose to hook up with. It is only for sex. Dating is a no no. A date is dinner, drinks, movies etc.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 08, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    Personally, I think open relationship itself spells trouble. I can see one going for the 3 way play even though I don't dig it too much, but many open relationships that I've seen have unspoken resentments between those involved. Whatever happened to "Stranger Danger?"
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:06 PM GMT
    Oh, I dont think this "problem" has anything to do with Alpha's awkward feelings. I take my clue from "Do they allow themselves to have crushes... "

    This sounds like thinly veiled narcissism, along the lines that "I am so beautiful/desirable, the partner now has a crush on me and that may be causing a problem in their relationship."

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    Mar 08, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    I kinda had this problem once. It turned into a three way relationship. I felt so screwed up the entire time which probably is why it didn't last.
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:27 PM GMT
    BAD idea

    personally, 'open relationships' just don't make sense to me, as they seem half hearted and weak- if a person can't commit to wanting you more than anyone else, why stay with them unless you're equally weak and scared of commitment? its just amounts to friends with benefits. which is all YOU will be to this guy, as that's part of the package deal; he HAS a boyfriend already, however weak and lame he is.... anyone else he goes on dates with or hooks up with will only ever be 'fringe benefits' to what he's got- you will only ever be a booty call. and even if, 'best case' scenario, he leaves his bf for you, pending a crush, would you want to date that? knowing how fickle he is?

    good luck.
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    growingbig saidI kinda had this problem once. It turned into a three way relationship. I felt so screwed up the entire time which probably is why it didn't last.


    same here, which is why I have been on my own since November. The screwed up thing though is that the 3-way relationship ended during the summer but I had no place to go until I found my apartment. Needless to say, it was awkward in the interim...especially when the new third was brought in before I left the place. icon_eek.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 08, 2009 5:34 PM GMT
    I think that if you are going to date someone who is in an open relationship, you need to keep your eyes open and your expectations low. He's already got someone he shares his life with, you'll always be in second place - or maybe third or fourth.

    If you are in a place in your life where you don't want anything serious and it works for you, then go for it.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 08, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    If someone wants to have an open relationship, that's their and their partner's decision. But I think it's a little weird that this was a date. I mean, why would you consider dating a guy already attached to another guy. Again, it's another thing if they're open to a third guy in the relationship, but it doesn't sound like that is the case from your post. I don't know how you can expect this to work if you yourself don't sound comfortable and sure of situation.
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidOh, I dont think this "problem" has anything to do with Alpha's awkward feelings. I take my clue from "Do they allow themselves to have crushes... "

    This sounds like thinly veiled narcissism, along the lines that "I am so beautiful/desirable, the partner now has a crush on me and that may be causing a problem in their relationship."

    funny pictures


    LOL

    I fucking love wicked
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    Mar 08, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    Arjay369 said
    growingbig saidI kinda had this problem once. It turned into a three way relationship. I felt so screwed up the entire time which probably is why it didn't last.


    same here, which is why I have been on my own since November. The screwed up thing though is that the 3-way relationship ended during the summer but I had no place to go until I found my apartment. Needless to say, it was awkward in the interim...especially when the new third was brought in before I left the place. icon_eek.gif


    Oh god. That must have been awful. There was a mention of me moving in at one point. Even though I did like the dynamic I think the breakup was worse since it was from two people and not just one.
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    Mar 08, 2009 6:11 PM GMT
    growingbig said
    Arjay369 said
    growingbig saidI kinda had this problem once. It turned into a three way relationship. I felt so screwed up the entire time which probably is why it didn't last.


    same here, which is why I have been on my own since November. The screwed up thing though is that the 3-way relationship ended during the summer but I had no place to go until I found my apartment. Needless to say, it was awkward in the interim...especially when the new third was brought in before I left the place. icon_eek.gif


    Oh god. That must have been awful. There was a mention of me moving in at one point. Even though I did like the dynamic I think the breakup was worse since it was from two people and not just one.


    It was...especially since the new third laid claim to his position right off the bat...and he wasn't happy with having to sleep on the couch or trying to share a queen bed with the other two. He had to wait until I moved out to get the second bedroom. And, of course, there's the attitude of "why is the ex-bf still here" that many new-bf's have.

    I just laughed...seriously...the guy wouldn't talk or look at me whatsoever, and whenever he did open his mouth, it was to bitch about me. I hear from the 1/2 of the pair I liked alot and he tells me the new third is quite possessive and suffocating and questions him about where he's going all the time. I figured as much. icon_cool.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 08, 2009 7:10 PM GMT
    Why get caught up on the dynamics of an "open" relationship or a threeway relationship when one on one is hard enough already
  • treader

    Posts: 238

    Mar 08, 2009 7:14 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI finally got desperate enuf to accept a date from one of those "partnered guys". finally got desperate enuf to accept a date from one of those "partnered guys". It was the best date ( not a 20 something) I have had since my breakup last June but i think it caused a problem.


    Backing up a little, Why are you so desperate?? You sound like your singlehood has expired and you're overdue for a relationship. Life doesn't work that way.

    You would think that if a couple was interested in a triad, then you would be "dating" both of them. Obviously this isn't the case. You're only seeing one of them.

    Sounds like you're headed for Drama Central. Why are you going there? What are you really going to get out of this?

    Is "dating" a partnered guy really going to make you feel better? Make you less desperate?

    I'm sorry to be blunt here, but it sounds like you're trying to fix your problem with another problem. I'm afraid that the odds are against you.

    Best of luck but remember you're in the driver's seat. You can change directions any time you want.
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    Mar 08, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    Don't think of it as a problem. It could workout with the three of you getting together, and if that happens, why stop there. Buy a big house and start a love cult. The more the merrier. Push the limits. The more people you bring into the the relationship, the more chances you have to find your soul mateicon_confused.gif
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    ^^^I agree with, Ayltws. Just because it didn't work out in my situation doesn't mean I wouldn't try it again. Though I would have to feel equally strong for both guys and connections would have to go further than sex. Though I probably would end up wanting to settle down in the traditional couple relationship. But still, I did save the following graphic for a reason:

    its_polylove.jpg
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    Alpha, I think you have a whole lot going for you ---- enough to deserve a guy of your own. You shouldn't have to share anyone at all.
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:31 PM GMT
    Arjay369 said^^^I agree with, Ayltws. Just because it didn't work out in my situation doesn't mean I wouldn't try it again. Though I would have to feel equally strong for both guys and connections would have to go further than sex. Though I probably would end up wanting to settle down in the traditional couple relationship. But still, I did save the following graphic for a reason:

    its_polylove.jpg


    LOL Great graphic!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    ain't it though! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 4:37 AM GMT
    I don't see anything wrong with it provided you are aware that his will only be about sex, nothing more.

    Provided everyone is honest and forthright about their intentions, you can't cry over spilled milk later on.

    People trash open relationships but are they really any better than serial monogamists?
  • treader

    Posts: 238

    Mar 09, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    26mileman saidI don't see anything wrong with it provided you are aware that his will only be about sex, nothing more.


    Well if you read Alpha13's original message again, You can clearly see that he uses the D word two times. Dating to me implies something more than just sex. Hence the red flags.