What is the etiquette for the hot- and buddy-listing?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    I noticed that as RJ became more and more popular and more guys have signed up the use of the Hot-List and Buddy-List buttons have changed the way we interact with guys on the site. Hot-List is a signal for hook up while Buddy-List is a way to start a conversation.

    I am saying this because I was under the impression that Hot-Listing you are just telling the guy that he is good looking and that he belongs in the list of your favorite guys on the site.

    However, I've noticed that lately everytime I hot-list someone within 10-20 minutes I receive a message saying they have unlocked their private pics and then I get a message from them saying if I'd like to hook up with them.

    Is that what hot-listing means, hook-up? Was I clueless all along? Has that been the case for you?

    Thanx for the responses!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 1:13 AM GMT
    The Hot List is whatever you want it to be. I clearly state in my profile why I Hot List guys, so that there are no mixed messages.
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:12 AM GMT
    Uhm, yeah, I'm guessing you just have the mojo going on, Readr, because that doesn't happen to everyone on RJ. For most of us, a hotlisting is just a compliment. But I guess you must be giving off the ever-so-uncommon "I hotlisted you so come hit on me and let's hook up for the evening" signal. You lucky bastard!
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThe Hot List is whatever you want it to be. I clearly state in my profile why I Hot List guys, so that there are no mixed messages.


    That's great. I will certainly list it on my profile, as well. Thank you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    For me, Buddy listing is a means of remembering guys whose thread posts or emails have impressed me, so that I want to remember them. Hot List would mean I have the hots for a guy. I'm in a monogamous relationship, and so have never listed any guy on my RJ Hot List.

    Not that I don't find guys here hot (and then some!), but I don't want to send the wrong signals. I've got my man, so I never Hot List. No slight intended.
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:40 AM GMT

    If you think a guy is HOT, you HOT LIST him and if you like talking to him, like you guys are friends, then you Buddy List him. There is really no need to list it in your profile text or anything, its just an opener. If it goes further then you'll hotlist him, converse with him, and if he's close, meet with him: these are the big deals not the Hot List.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 09, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    I think its all in your head.... I hot list someone if I happen to think of it.. which isn't really that often. There are a large number of men on this site I think are hot, but I haven't hot listed.

    Buddy listing isn't arbitrary to me... if someone is on my list, they really are a friend.. or I hope they will be.
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:50 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    If you think a guy is HOT, you HOT LIST him and if you like talking to him, like you guys are friends, then you Buddy List him. There is really no need to list it in your profile text or anything, its just an opener. If it goes further then you'll hotlist him, converse with him, and if he's close, meet with him: these are the big deals not the Hot List.


    well said. I haven't used hotlist as a "hookup tool", just more of a compliment, and as a bookmark to remember someone I thought was attractive to view or chat with later, and maybe to signal interest in someone.. (Not to say I'm not open doing more with some of the guys if they lived close ;). I agree that buddy listing is more for friends, people I've chatted with and want to chat with again.
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    Mar 09, 2009 2:59 AM GMT



    HndsmKansan said, ".. if someone is on my list, they really are a friend.. or I hope they will be."


    yep, we think so, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 3:03 AM GMT
    One of the major reasons I joined this site was because I didn't want to deal with guys looking for sex. My old profile explained what I was looking for and I haven't got a single "LQQKING?" even though I've changed it.

    But then again, my new profile doesn't exactly scream "Give me your phone number and tell me where you live!"
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    Mar 09, 2009 3:08 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    If you think a guy is HOT, you HOT LIST him and if you like talking to him, like you guys are friends, then you Buddy List him.

    That's pretty much how I view it too. I don't see RJ as a hookup site in general, so hot listing is just a means of paying a compliment. IM or email is a way to start a conversation and Buddy listing is for guys you've had some rapport or interaction with.
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    Mar 09, 2009 4:14 AM GMT

    Dig_For_Fire said

    But then again, my new profile doesn't exactly scream "Give me your phone number and tell me where you live!"


    No it doesn't! Infact, your screen name makes me think of severe anal pain and your picture looks like you are about to slap someone or atleast dismantle the camera violently! Most everything about your presentation has me LQQKING for the exit not a hookup. icon_lol.gificon_surprised.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    I tend to have rules for buddy listing and hot listing. My hotlist really goes for the ones I think are just that-Hot. My buddy list is for those I chat with on a regular basis or have connected with in the chatroom over time. There have been a couple of guys who hotlisted me and thought I would see it as an invitation to bed, but no such thing, as it is in my profile about hook-ups. A couple of people have auto unlocked their private pics and that was ok, their choice. I didnt ask and dont know why they did. Some were of the genetalia (doesn't impress me); others were pics of progress (does impress me). I dont think you should put too much thought into this, but I can see how annoying it might become if it happens alot and you have stated you are not about that. icon_surprised.gif
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    Mar 09, 2009 7:31 AM GMT
    For me, if I *hot list* anyone - it is because I admire something about them - either their profile, forum comments, or their hard work to stay healthy. If I *buddy list* someone - it is because they've talked with me and we've become buddies. There are so many great guys on RJ - it is really the only site I care about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    Just cause I hotlist a guy does not mean I wanna fuck him or even talk to him, however, I usually only hotlist guys who seem nice as well as hot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 10:54 AM GMT
    i hot list guys when they're hot. i will buddy list somebody when i've actually exchanged a few messages with them.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Mar 09, 2009 11:36 AM GMT
    I hot list because I find the guy to be motivation for me to keep in the gym and do what I'm doing.
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    Mar 09, 2009 11:51 AM GMT
    readr saidHowever, I've noticed that lately everytime I hot-list someone within 10-20 minutes I receive a message saying they have unlocked their private pics and then I get a message from them saying if I'd like to hook up with them.


    Why does this never happen to me? icon_sad.gif

    Sooooo unfair...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 6:28 PM GMT

    I would say this above is part of the "etiquette", just not part that every RJ member practices. HotListing someone is a compliment and people tend to want to show gratitude for a compliment. They are somewhat limited in this medium and short of Hot Listing you themself (they may not want to), they letcha have an eye full.
    I guess the hook up question is just a little icing on the cake.
    I can't imagine someone asking for a hook up to be the afront it is so often made out to be on this site: it is an inquiry, nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    Well I would say the etiquette for hot/buddy listing someone begins with you and what you expect out of it.

    When I hotlist someone it is not for wanting to hook up with them. Considering where I am in the world I'm all too aware that hooking up with them will never happen. The hotlist is just a very polite way of saying I think you are attractive both in mind and body. At least that is how I use it anyway. Personally speaking I don't just randomly click on either button when I see a half decent looking guy on this site. I spark up a convo and see how far I can keep it going. I always ask a person that I find interesting if I can add them to either list and I honestly expect those who find me interesting to be man enough to ask me if they can add me to a list.

    Having class and showing a little courtesy and respect towards others on here gets you very far at least in my book.

    Knowing what you expect from yourself and from others makes things easier. If you are using either buttons as a means for hooking up then there are few things you should expect from others and they aren't necessarily nice things either.
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    Mar 11, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    JangoFit said
    GuiltyGear said
    If you think a guy is HOT, you HOT LIST him and if you like talking to him, like you guys are friends, then you Buddy List him. There is really no need to list it in your profile text or anything, its just an opener. If it goes further then you'll hotlist him, converse with him, and if he's close, meet with him: these are the big deals not the Hot List.


    well said. I haven't used hotlist as a "hookup tool", just more of a compliment, and as a bookmark to remember someone I thought was attractive to view or chat with later, and maybe to signal interest in someone.. (Not to say I'm not open doing more with some of the guys if they lived close ;). I agree that buddy listing is more for friends, people I've chatted with and want to chat with again.


    I agree with both of you above and this what I was trying to get to. Hot-Listing is more of a further compliment. I do usually buddy-list people that I see there is potential in substantial conversation other than "whaz up?" kind of thing and not to necessarily date them or hook up with them but to share ideas.
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    Mar 11, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidWell I would say the etiquette for hot/buddy listing someone begins with you and what you expect out of it.

    When I hotlist someone it is not for wanting to hook up with them. Considering where I am in the world I'm all too aware that hooking up witht hem wiull never happen. The hotlist is just a very polite way of saying I think you are attractive both in mind and body. At least that is how I use it anyway. Personally speaking I don't just randomly click on either button when I see a half decent looking guy on this site. I spark up a convo and see how far I can keep it going. I always ask a person that I find interesting if I can add them to either list and I honestly expect those who find me interesting to be man enough to ask me if they can add me to a list.

    having class and showing a little courtesy and respect towards others on here gets you very far at least in my book.

    Knowing what you expect from yourself and from others makes things easier. if you are using either buttons as a means for hooking up then there are few things you should expect from others and they aren't necessarily nice things either.


    I see your point. However, I did not expect or ask anyone to hook up. Is just that the general reaction from the guys that I have hot-listed is a message back unlocking their privates. Therefore, I came to this forum to find out why that is, how RJ is becoming just another hook up site by allowing (well, encouraging with the direction it has taken) users to share photographs of their Private parts. When I joined two years ago, there was not even the tab in the profiles for "private photos." Today, there is Private and Adult photo sections with emails letting us know who on here has unlocked their privates for everyone to see, plus paid membership.

    What is the agenda of RJ and how is it redefining Hot-Listing? What next? Penis size among the stats and info? That would be something.

    I am using this site as a learning tool. It is great to get news, extremely beneficial health-related resources, abundant and plentiful ways to get fit and great guys who would share information about their diets, gym routines and healthy lifestyles. And I really like that. But I don't want to lose that because a lot of us are too horny to see beyond that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 4:11 AM GMT
    If i look at a guy and think "OOOH...EYE CANDY"....i hotlist him. If i make contact with a guy and i find that i like is personality and enjoy conversing wiht him, i buddy list him.
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    Mar 11, 2009 4:30 AM GMT
    I hot list people for several different reasons and I won't buddy list anyone because I feel it is pretty bold when I barely know the guy. When I get to know you I'll buddy list you. I could care less about hooking up with someone from this site.
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    Mar 11, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    Well then as long as you know what you are using the site for then there shouldn't be any problems. No one is gonna judge you for what you use it for as long as you don't do anything to disrupt others.

    In all honesty there is nothing that really separates RJ from any other hook up site except for the people and the generally known fact that this IS a fitness site. How people choose to use it though is another story. Some join just to look at the pretty bodies while others use it for it's intended purpose. I use it for it's intended purpose.

    Quite frankly I don't really care how others use it so long as they don't include me in something I don't feel comfortable with. I can understand why they have the private pix option for the simple fact that some people want to have the option of being private with their appearance. It's easy to assume that it's a naughty pic simply because it's private but some people are rather simple and just have a regular old face pic up and in this day and age I can see why.

    Again it all boils down to the individual and how they choose to use this site.