In Love with a Straight Man

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    Apr 08, 2007 5:16 PM GMT
    How do you handle a man that says he's straight, but he likes to go out to gay bars and dance with men. He's has even started bringing his straight friends to the gay bars with him. I've gone camping with him and he has initiated getting naked, but nothing sexual has ever happened. He actually likes to take his shirt off all the time. He's only 22 and comes from a very conservative family. I'm not sure if it is a "Will & Grace" generational thing, where being around gay people is no big deal, or if he is trying to come out.
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    Apr 09, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
    When I was 22, there was no Will & Grace, and if you had asked me to name a positive gay role model, I wouldn't have been able to. I was going to gay bars, but mainly for the music--the straight bars weren't playing The Smiths or The Cure or Siouxsie & the Banshees. I certainly didn't fit any type of gay stereotype. And I was dating girls, at least for a week or two at a time (until boredom set in), so I identified myself as straight.

    I was also showering with my best friend... uh, also straight, apparently.

    Anyway, fast forward to 30 and my first sexual experience with a man.... same great guy I'm with now, by the way, 12 years later. But it still took me about a year after that to accept that I was gay. Before, I really just didn't even think about it. And maybe your pal isn't thinking about it, either. Maybe he's just going blindly through life. But he sounds an awful lot like the me I used to be.... and I think chances are pretty good he's not all that straight.



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    Apr 09, 2007 7:39 AM GMT
    he might be. but i have straight friends who go to gay bars and clubs.... but they dont "get naked ". Its your call.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Apr 09, 2007 3:50 PM GMT
    He's probably just curious about himself and others. It's really hard to label people and behavior. Just be open and ask and be willing to talk to him about his answer.
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Apr 09, 2007 5:30 PM GMT
    ... or maybe he's just a flirt who likes the attention! I have a friend who is straight, engaged, even, and knows I used to flirt with him and think he's cute, and he'll make random lewd remarks every so often. We were at a party recently on a very crowded balcony and someone asked, rhetorically, "What would you do if this whole balcony just peeled off the house and fell?" and he said, "I'd probably just kiss him [gesturing to me] on the mouth the whole way down, because, why not?"

    And yet he's really quite straight. But in your case, if he knows you find him attractive, then he very well might just find some affirmation in, well, being a tease.

    Come to think of it, I have a few female friends that often comment on finding me attractive, and -- especially when I've had a few drinks -- I probably am a bit more flirtatious with them than I really should be. :)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Apr 09, 2007 9:43 PM GMT
    I'm curious to ask if there's an ulterior motive to this question. He's sending mixed signals and he very well may find out he's gay at the end of all this and he may not.
    He's ONLY 22...be careful and don't fall into the trap of "helping" him along in the hopes of seducing him
    You'll lose a friend...and like;y scare him into remaining str8 for longer than he should be...let him "come" to you...lol
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    Apr 09, 2007 10:26 PM GMT
    I think atxclimber as a real good observation there. Psychiatrists will tell you that there is a group of people who "get off" just getting noticed, showing off, teasing, even sexually, to anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. Such narcissistic behavior gets them off big time.

    I've actually been friends with a few of those, and it's really frustrating. What you interpret as a "green light" is always a false signal, and that can throw you off for a long time...because you think the guy is confused. And you WANT to believe that you are getting a total green light, because the guy is so damn hot. (e.g., I was friends with a guy who modeled a lot...would be on most people's Hotlists on this site...an 800 meter runner/miler for a collegiate team...and who played with me this way).

    So your "straight" friend may indeed be "straight" in terms of ultimate sexual target. But he might get off on the attention you give him.

    John
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    Apr 12, 2007 9:22 AM GMT
    Bring him camping for a weekend alone and get him really drunk and you will sure to find out. Oh make sure your tent sleeps no more that one person! LOL

    I had an experience when I was younger in my teens, camping with a "straight" friend. It got real cold during the night and woke up in the morning with him cuddled up to me "spooning" me with an erection. I was not "out" at the time and did not to make any advances. It felt great though.
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    Apr 12, 2007 4:51 PM GMT
    Denial runs deep in every one of us. Deeper than most of us ever realize. Or admit.

    Think of something you actually did - something so publicly "out of character" that it just "doesn't count." You were surprised by your action, perhaps honestly. No need to ever admit it to anyone nor take it to heart since it really wasn't "you." Chances are nobody else knows or will ever tell. It never happened.

    That's what I think of "straight" men who flirt and seek (y)our attention.

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    Apr 14, 2007 7:05 PM GMT
    Sorry to say Hiker, but this is called the straight hustle. Being that your 40 and he is 22, He knows that your attracted to him. He knows that you are oggling him. You are stroking his ego like you would a cat that wants attention. Don't fall for it. It doesn't look good. You got to ask yourself what do you have in common with this 22 year old?

    Believe me I from the south and I see this game played by younger straight guys all the time.Take your power back!
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    Apr 14, 2007 8:50 PM GMT
    GO CAMPING!
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    Apr 14, 2007 9:05 PM GMT
    He's probably bi and has no issue with it. But instead of banging his ass, use your age and experience to mentor him because it sounds like he could use it. Male whores have VERY short life expectancies and he should learn that now rather than later.
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    Apr 15, 2007 4:21 PM GMT
    cutejockmasc summed it up succinctly.
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    Apr 15, 2007 5:19 PM GMT
    Agree with cutejock
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 16, 2007 6:27 PM GMT
    ditto -cutejock banged out the right answer in my opinion.
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    May 22, 2007 7:47 PM GMT
    Yeah he could definitely be an attention slut.
    Some people live their lives day in and day out for the pursuit of fun. Its hard for people like me to understand, but some people can really do things with no true meaning attached. Just because it is entertaining at the moment.

    Thats why you have some guys who truly without a doubt consider themselves to be 100 percent straight but have been known to sleep with men.
    To them its nothing special or unique, it was just interesting at the moment.

    Some people are curious by nature and are confident enough to slightly explore someone else's lifestyle because they have no intentions of losing himself.

    I've had friends sleep in the same bed as after hours of wresting and biting each other and they're straight. I've had straight friends go as far as too flash each other.

    He may not be what you believe him to be at all. So just be careful while pursuing this.
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    Aug 30, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    I just had a bizarre erotic experience.
    I went to a grocery store that I hadn't been to in a while. The cashier I went to was a young blonde handsome bodybuilder in his 20's. He was so huge and so sexy, my legs were starting to shake. I could not believe he would stand there at work with such a tight t-shirt on showing off his over-developed body to everybody. He looked familiar but I couldn't think of anything to say because I was so turned on. He had a funny kind of smirk. It was either an "I think this guy is attracted to me" smirk or an "I think I am attracted to this guy" smirk. I couldn't tell. He seemed a little gay to me but that means nothing.
    I went home and could barely drive, I was so turned on. I don't remember the last time I was so turned on to somebody.
    After I was a home half an hour, I figured I had to go back and talk to him.
    When I went back to the store, someone was just coming out of an exit. I ran into the exit to cause a little attention to myself - because his register was right there.
    He turned to me and smiled and I said "Whoops - I guess I went in the exit" and the laughed.
    That was my opportunity. I said "You look familiar. I used to come here years ago. Have you been working here for years?"
    He said "no" then I bluffed and said, "I used to go to Golds Gym a block away from here. Did you go there?"
    He said "yes."
    Then suddenly I remembered - OMG - he was the kid who weighed 300+ pounds who nobody would talk to but me. I said "Wait a minute -didn't I used to talk to you at Golds gym? Did you lose a lot of weight?"
    He said, "Yes, I thought I remembered you."
    Well let me tell you, I've never seen a transformation like this in my whole life. He was an obese kid who could barely walk 5 miles an hour on the treadmill. Now he was a MUSCLE GOD. He was TOO BIG just as I like my bodybuilders.
    We talked a little bit about thr gym but then he had a customer and I left after he rang me up.
    I left about an hour ago and I'm still so turned on, I can't think straight. Has anyone else ever been so turned on by someone that they get kind of short circuited? I'm not even enjoying it. I want to have sex right now so bad.
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    Aug 30, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    I am so tired of confused guy's saying they are straight when my cock is in their mouth.. PLEASE!
    Actions speak louder than words, my advice.. Run, run away as fast as you can, there are hundreds' of great Gay men out there with no "issues", go for one of them.
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    Aug 30, 2013 6:02 PM GMT
    I take care of guys like this by saying, "You look tense today " , and then giving them a back rub. Its never fails to get the ball rolling.