Have you ever been in "love"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    Just curious...

    And if you have been... how do you know you are in love?
  • JESIE

    Posts: 1616

    Mar 11, 2009 1:14 AM GMT
    for me:

    when you still cant stop thinking about him when its been over 3 years..
    and when you still continue to make efforts to be their for them...
    thats what I believe.

    and seeing how as my dad cheated on my mother
    and how she still wishes him the best
    and trys to be there for him because of the 28 yrs of history they had together
    ...
    well..giving up on them is hard to do...

    lucky im cut "him" off now
    as my attempts dont do me any good in reconciling with him
    even if the "break-up" was over something stupid.


    yes..i loved him
    now..i dont..


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 1:20 AM GMT
    lXxAngelusxXl saidJust curious...

    And if you have been... how do you know you are in love?

    If you have to ask, you're not in love.
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    Mar 11, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    i think if you truly love someone you will always love them no matter what happens, no matter how much you hate them now etc...

    so... i guess i never truly loved him and no i've never been in love.
    i'm open to it though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    The answer is no and at this point I'm beginning to think I never will be. Sorry if I sound bitter.
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    Mar 11, 2009 3:54 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 9:46 AM GMT
    Yes I am currently in love. How did I know? For each person that is likely slightly different, but for me it was putting the other person's needs before my own, and my willingness to work at the relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 1:43 PM GMT
    Mad self-destructive obsession several years ago, yes.

    Love, no. icon_neutral.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    I thought for the longest time I was in love with someone... but now that it's over I've come to realize that although I loved him I wasn't exactly in love because I have moved on and don't think about him anymore. It was just me being young and naive, thinking my first love would also be my last, my one and only. So I guess my mind told my heart I was in love with him when I wasn't. Even still, I care about him and wish him the best, I really do.

    I'm sure eventually I will fall in love with someone and it will be real and last for the rest of my life. At least I'm still hopeful for that.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Mar 11, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    Question: Does being in love only manifest itself with someone of a romantic nature? Or can you be in love with your best friend? And how do you distinguish the two?

    I, for one, deeply love my best friend. We consider each other soul mates. It's the deepest love I've ever felt, I honestly don't know how I can love someone more than him, so does that mean I'm in love with him?

    Something to ponder this Wednesday
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 11, 2009 5:29 PM GMT
    Fortunately I have been in love several times and also been loved as well.
    How do you know? Unfortunately sometimes, we don't recognize it or trust the feelings. It is often difficult especially when you are very young and inexperienced to distinguish between real, mutual love and strong lust with animal sexual heat.

    Love manifests itself in different ways but what most of us have in common is that we think about the loved one constantly.... he is never far from our thoughts.... he becomes the most beautiful person in the world in your eyes.... when you enter a crowded room with him, only he is shinny brighter than the rest .... you want to be with him all the time and can't wait to be together again. You want to do everything together.... you wonder what he is doing/thinking when you are apart... you call, text, write etc just to say hello... often!

    I can go on. and on.


    YES I am a romantic guy and hope love finds me again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    I think I am in love for the first time in my life. It's our sixth month anniversary today. I know it's still young. But never had anything like this in my life. he is the best part of my life and love every second with him.

    Feels good. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 11, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    once....I guess I knew I was cause I couldnt stop thinking about him every single minute. We couldnt spend a day without at least talking to each other on the phone. We could perfectly spend 5 hours just talking saying the same things over and over and not get bore. It wasnt sexual, we never had sex. We were not afraid to say "I love you" thousand times...it was really bad when one day I was at his house and he decided just like that, that it was over, so far Ive never felt so down in my life like i did that time. It took me a long time to get over him...
  • Sebastian18

    Posts: 255

    Mar 11, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    I've loved, many people - friends, family and sex partners. Personally however, I reject the modern idea of love (i.e. butterflies, 'the one', prince/ess charming, etc.) and view it as not only incredibly limiting but flawed in its presupposition that you can only be in love with one person at a time and its archaic insistence on courtly romance.

    Where does this model, which seems to be the predominant one in America (if not the West as a whole) leave those who prefer a more independent lifestyle or, conversely, those who choose engage in poly amorous relations?

    Secondly, there are many different types of love. Going back to classical Greece we encounter the ideas of agápē, érōs, philia, storgē and even thélēma. I think this classification really does a lot to prevent the confusion present in the English language regarding the topic. For example, if I were to say,"I love you to a friend" it would definitely be a different kind of love being expressed than if I were to say, "I love you" to a sex partner. The former being an expression of philia, the latter, érōs.

    Personally, the idea of romantic love - which coincides with the modern butterflies and hearts idea - is personally appalling and something I cannot rationally or sensibly support in any way shape or form in my individual life. However, if it works for others that's great, but I think a little delusional.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 11, 2009 6:17 PM GMT
    Sebastian18. Sorry to hear you are jaded so young.
    I truly hope you are able to open your heart if love comes to you.
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    Mar 11, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    planekrazy saidYes I am currently in love. How did I know? For each person that is likely slightly different, but for me it was putting the other person's needs before my own, and my willingness to work at the relationship.


    In my heart, your words ring true and wise. However, you have to strike a balance with lovingly putting his needs first, and not being a jerk by ignoring your own.

    All too often, I've found that when you give a lot of your heart and soul to someone, they take it for granted and actually view your generosity of mind, body and soul as a weakness.

    I know I am not being weak, but it can be perceived that way. It's very disturbing because it seems like everybody is just out for themselves.their identity, their rights, their freedoms...and they have no clue how to recipricate and be unselfsih.

    People try so hard to appear smart and "grounded" and they have lost the ability to get out of their comfort zone and take chances.

    I wish I had the answer.
  • Sebastian18

    Posts: 255

    Mar 11, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    TallGWMvballer saidSebastian18. Sorry to hear you are jaded so young.
    I truly hope you are able to open your heart if love comes to you.


    Don't be sorry. It's not that I don't love nor will love in the future - I'm just stating my opinion that our current conceptualization, preconception might be more appropriate, of the subject matter is terribly flawed or incomplete at best.
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    Mar 12, 2009 8:30 AM GMT
    Sebastian18 said
    TallGWMvballer saidSebastian18. Sorry to hear you are jaded so young.
    I truly hope you are able to open your heart if love comes to you.


    Don't be sorry. It's not that I don't love nor will love in the future - I'm just stating my opinion that our current conceptualization, preconception might be more appropriate, of the subject matter is terribly flawed or incomplete at best.


    You make things sound far too intellectual.

    But I don't agree with your notions.


    And TexDef, i'm not in love, I was just curious as to what people percieved love as..
  • Sebastian18

    Posts: 255

    Mar 14, 2009 7:09 AM GMT
    lXxAngelusxXl said
    Sebastian18 said
    TallGWMvballer saidSebastian18. Sorry to hear you are jaded so young.
    I truly hope you are able to open your heart if love comes to you.


    Don't be sorry. It's not that I don't love nor will love in the future - I'm just stating my opinion that our current conceptualization, preconception might be more appropriate, of the subject matter is terribly flawed or incomplete at best.


    You make things sound far too intellectual.

    But I don't agree with your notions.


    And TexDef, i'm not in love, I was just curious as to what people percieved love as..


    Beyond 'making things sound too intellectual', on what grounds do you reject my notions?

    Just curious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    How many times?

    1. I met him at a party at a friends apartment - I was drunk, 22 and totally looking for a one nighter. He took my breath away and 26 years later I still wonder "what if.."

    2. He was a teacher and friends thought we would "hit-it-off" it was only supposed to be for a month or two - it's been 15 years and I still love him - and wonder what if...

    3. I met him on a chat line - he was handsome, intellegent, and mysterious - he died several years ago and I think "thank god I never.."

    4. I met him through friends - he's my best friend, my supporter, my rock, the love of my life and it has been 8 years tomorrow. I love him deeply and am thankful that I have someone who loves me back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 7:22 AM GMT
    like with someone else?
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 14, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    Ah yes,,You know your in love when you cant stop thinking about his face,,those eyes and his smile..And lets not forget his laugh..
    You know your in love when your heart ache's with the anticipation of seeing him..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 3:53 AM GMT
    I don't think so. Not properly anyway, at least. I've only had really strong crushes at best. i wish I could love someone, but I just don't meet that many people who captivate me, and when I do it seems not never be possible.

    But I just haven't had many encounters with gay men, i'm pretty shy, and new to the gay scene.icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    I have been in love a couple of times.
    I felt more alive. I knew I was in love because I grew more willing to do things to protect, support, and build him and our relationship.
    And, I felt more calm at the same time...and there are more things.
    It has been a long time, though.
    I'm ok being single, and I'm open to falling in love again.
  • theatre_geek

    Posts: 35

    Mar 16, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    I don't think I knew I was in love with him at the time, but now that we're apart and I still can't go a day without thinking about him and missing him, I realize that I was very much and still am in love with him.