Dating a guy that's TOO GAY POPULAR?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 2:14 AM GMT
    In Atlanta, I was on a dating this one guy...He seemed pretty cool, we'd go to various places for drinks, food, walking, talking, etc...but what was weird was EVERYWHERE we went he happened run into multiple random gay friends (never the same ppl)...he seemed to be waving and nodding to someone every 10 minutes...Eventually it got me raising an eyebrow, seemed too popular in the "gay Atlanta world". I started wondering how many of these guys he had messed around with, were just friends with, hmm....

    Would this raise red flags with any of you? Or was I just being insecure and paranoid...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 2:45 AM GMT
    He's a "Connector," knows just about everybody. Now whether he is also a slut is another question. That, I guess, you will have to learn by observation.


    Your situation reminds me of ....

    thetippingpoint.jpg

    "Gladwell's thesis that ideas, products, messages and behaviors "spread just like viruses do" remains a metaphor as he follows the growth of "word-of-mouth epidemics" triggered with the help of three pivotal types. These are Connectors, sociable personalities who bring people together; Mavens, who like to pass along knowledge; and Salesmen, adept at persuading the unenlightened."

    Aside: I'm a maven.

    I would say hang with him even if you arent that thrilled with him. You will get to meet lots of people and one of them might be Mr. Right. ... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    Did you actually see him talk to these people? Did the people respond back? I'd think it was strange also. Not insecure or paranoia but would raise some red flags.


    This isn't the same thing but I had a guy very interested in dating me but I would see him every single place I went that was gay themed. I and a few friends that noticed it thought I had to have a homing beacon on me somewhere. Thing is that if I didn't see him that much (and he did get in the way of some potential boyfriends) we probably would have ended up together. Even to this day he pursues me but he's not everywhere I go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:11 AM GMT
    I've noticed a lot of gay men get popular the same way high school freshman girls get popular.

    No one wants to get stuck with the town slut
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:12 AM GMT
    I can't date an overly popular gay guy. Maybe that makes me insecure but there comes a point when someone's attention is divided up among too many people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:21 AM GMT
    RuggerATX saidI can't date an overly popular gay guy. Maybe that makes me insecure but there comes a point when someone's attention is divided up among too many people.


    I agree with this. I have enough antisocial tendencies that it would just get in the way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    Indy404 said I started wondering how many of these guys he had messed around with, were just friends with, hmm....

    Would this raise red flags with any of you? Or was I just being insecure and paranoid...


    I think you're reading way too much into it. I have an ex who is a social butterfly and is damned near pathologically outgoing and friendly. He'll talk to anyone about anything and will go out of his way to say hi or at least acknowledge them next time he sees them. It's not a social climbing or horizontal "popular" it's more of a "he's the nicest guy you'll ever meet popular". If knowing everyone in town makes you think he might be messing around with all these people, you might be projecting your own insecurities into the situation.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Mar 14, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    Indy404 saidOr was I just being insecure and paranoid...


    ding ding ding ding!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    In my experience, it's a red flag. I start getting warnings from these "friends" once I end up alone with them. It's only happened with 2 or 3 guys, and you should wait till you're around his real friends before making assumptions and judgements. Consider his line of work, and how often he visits the gay areas as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 5:12 AM GMT



    Did you ask or make comments about any of the people your date was waving or nodding to? How did he respond? I ask this because twice I dated men that are VERY popular.

    They are both top quality guys and that's how they ended up with their 'cast of thousands'. heheh.



    -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    I think you're absolutely right to wonder, but there's been good info in this thread so far, in that it can go either way. Bide your time and keep an eye out for further info.

    But there are lots of ways one could be well-known in the community. Does he do any charity work? Especially big events with lots of volunteers? It could be that simple.

    Does he work at the the STD clinic? icon_smile.gif
  • theatre_geek

    Posts: 35

    Mar 14, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    well.. just because he knows a lot of people doesn't mean he's a slut.. and it would be rude of him to not acknowledge someone he knows in public, even if he is on a date with you. this is of course assuming he's just acknowledging them and not leaving you to go have a conversation with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    Would raise red flags for me.

    I'd get to know him a little more before you go thinking he's a slut, though. I guess, like others said, he could just be a social butterfly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 5:57 AM GMT
    Indy404 saidIn Atlanta, I was on a dating this one guy...He seemed pretty cool, we'd go to various places for drinks, food, walking, talking, etc...but what was weird was EVERYWHERE we went he happened run into multiple random gay friends (never the same ppl)...he seemed to be waving and nodding to someone every 10 minutes...Eventually it got me raising an eyebrow, seemed too popular in the "gay Atlanta world". I started wondering how many of these guys he had messed around with, were just friends with, hmm....

    Would this raise red flags with any of you? Or was I just being insecure and paranoid...


    could be my nyc cynicism, but i would say most likely he's slept with all of themicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 6:04 AM GMT
    RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!icon_razz.gif















  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 6:16 AM GMT
    A guy who has tons of social networks and shallow acquaintances usually tend to not be good at intimate, close friendships/relationships. If you're looking for something long term I'd dump him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    ...not to mention that it could feel like you're dating some celebrity. And people love to talk about celebrities. All that talking. Mean people talk too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 6:24 AM GMT
    Nothing wrong with having lots of social relationships. We live in a world of billions of people and if someone is close to a few hundred, then they are bringing the world a little closer together.

    My dissertation topic is popularity so I could write about this forever.

    Oh, and Malcom Gladwell is a great author. Totally accessible to the point where you are so entertained you don't even realize you are restructuring your views on the world.
  • fryblock

    Posts: 387

    Mar 14, 2009 6:55 AM GMT
    I think you are being paranoid. I have a friend who knows just about everyone in town, but he is the furthest thing from a slut.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 14, 2009 7:06 AM GMT
    so he's social why is that a bad thing?!

    i know ppl most everywhere i go in hillcrest, which is san diego's gay area.

    I didnt sleep with 95% of them, but i know them and we chat when i see them.

    ask him how he knows so many ppl.

    i know a lot of people, because my first job in san diego was a front desk guy at the hillcrest 24 hour fitness, so i saw everyone, and i met everyone.

    and 2 years later, i still know them. i sont find it odd at all.
  • ASUbusy

    Posts: 79

    Mar 14, 2009 7:13 AM GMT
    As that person who knows everyone, it comes along with the territory when you are nice, charismatic, and outgoing people naturally want to know you and you meet a lot of people, nothing to be worried about AT ALL. I think it is admirable if anything.
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Mar 14, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    ASUbusy saidAs that person who knows everyone, it comes along with the territory when you are nice, charismatic, and outgoing people naturally want to know you and you meet a lot of people, nothing to be worried about AT ALL. I think it is admirable if anything.



    I concur....I know tons of people in my city as I run lots of events and dj, and am hardly a slut. I happen to like people as well.


  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Mar 14, 2009 9:30 AM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidHe's a "Connector," knows just about everybody. Now whether he is also a slut is another question. That, I guess, you will have to learn by observation.


    Your situation reminds me of ....

    thetippingpoint.jpg

    icon_lol.gif



    good book
  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    Mar 14, 2009 9:31 AM GMT
    As long as he treats you with respect, affection and dignity it doesn't matter how many people he is familiar with.
  • JewcyDude

    Posts: 67

    Mar 14, 2009 10:20 AM GMT
    I'm sorry if I offend anyone but many people here are so quick to judge including one person saying dump the person because he might not be intimate or have good close relationships due to having such a large circle of people he knows.

    I know lots of people, but I have a few very good close ones to my best friends and more so with my boyfriend of 3 years.

    Seriously. Insecurity is a big thing and it might get in the way of getting to know someone who might be good for you or even a good friend.

    Get over it. I know lots of people. I say hi and give nods to tons of guys at the gym or when I walk around, so what? I don't sleep around, especially since I'm in a long term relationship.

    Yikes, if you are curious, just ask about it, or make a casual reference to him knowing everyone.