I love you but your too fat....

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    Mar 14, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    There have been numerous threads on here about guys losing interest in their bf's due to weight gain and what should they do. What if your significant other told you he loved you but wasnt attracted to you anymore due to weight gain?

    Would you try to lose it to keep him? Or would you think he was being to superficial and didnt love you for you?

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    Mar 14, 2009 4:58 PM GMT
    bear telled me ... hey this is a classic!
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    Mar 14, 2009 5:03 PM GMT
    I would try to be what my partner or BF wanted me to be, especially if I had changed into something different from the way he first knew me. Obviously there are reasonable limits to that, but maybe he's doing me a favor by insisting that I lose some weight, and get back into shape? Gawd knows that describes me now... icon_razz.gif
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 14, 2009 5:06 PM GMT
    Strangely none of my bf complaining that I am getting fat .

    My last bf is a chub chaser, so obvoiusly he dont really care if I gain weight. But he once told me not to lose to much weight. My ealier bf during college, even complimented me for gaining weight, He said I am gaining weight "all in the right place". I guess they love me for what I am not because of my weight. None of my bf , leave me because I am gaining weight...
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    Mar 14, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    If you're actually in love I find it very hard to beleive a guy would break up with you because you've gained weight...My boyfriend gained 30 pounds over one summer and I still loved him more than anything. Also, if you're in a healthy gay relationship it's basically expected that you conform to what your partner wants or what you at least started with...knowing that many gays are into looks (though we all deny it right?) I'd assume both people would try to stay in shape as much as possible just for the betterment of the relationship. Or at least I would, because I would never want someone to not be attracted to me because of my body, rather than my mind.
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    Mar 14, 2009 7:48 PM GMT
    I would work on losing it for my health first. I would be hurt though that he would think that. How is weight gain - especially that is NOT yout fault justification for not loving someone? Would you leave someone you loved because they became scarred or injured?

    True love runs much deeper than that - and in all honesty - the concern should be with your health and not sexual in nature.
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    Mar 14, 2009 8:13 PM GMT
    redbull saidThere have been numerous threads on here about guys losing interest in their bf's due to weight gain and what should they do. What if your significant other told you he loved you but wasnt attracted to you anymore due to weight gain?

    Would you try to lose it to keep him? Or would you think he was being to superficial and didnt love you for you?



    The latter...

    Love is never about looks. If the weight gain is a side affect of depression or something that is affecting them mentally and separating themself from the person you fell for, then there is some validity to it. But, the fat itself should not be a consideration of what's wrong in the relationship.
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    Mar 14, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    Anyone who says that clearly does not actually love you.

    Now, if your boyfriend said "I love you and therefore I'm going to tell you that for your own good you should lose weight before it causes you harm" that would be a different story.
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    Mar 14, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    I have been told two times in the last 2 weeks that I´m fat. Once by a good friend with advantages (who was teasing but also speaking the truth as I had gained a few pounds over my 3 month travelling epic). He´s a ballet dancer with -3% body fat icon_confused.gif He also said he didn´t mind and still found me hot icon_biggrin.gif

    Then yesterday by my pilates teacher whose job it is to look at my stomach for several hours a week. She was teasing me too, telling me to pull my stomach in. It was less true as I have lost 3 lb in the last 2 weeks from fairly hard HIIT sessions. She asked if I went out drinking with my friends every night icon_confused.gif

    Me? Fat? icon_eek.gif

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    Mar 14, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidI have been told two times in the last 2 weeks that I´m fat. Once by a good friend with advantages (who was teasing but also speaking the truth as I had gained a few pounds over my 3 month travelling epic). He´s a ballet dancer with -3% body fat icon_confused.gif He also said he didn´t mind and still found me hot icon_biggrin.gif

    Then yesterday by my pilates teacher whose job it is to look at my stomach for several hours a week. She was teasing me too, telling me to pull my stomach in. It was less true as I have lost 3 lb in the last 2 weeks from fairly hard HIIT sessions. She asked if I went out drinking with my friends every night icon_confused.gif

    Me? Fat? icon_eek.gif

    f

    If your fat I most by a fraqing cow!
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    Mar 14, 2009 9:11 PM GMT
    I'd get my ass on the treadmill... I mean.. I'd be upset. That would hurt. But I'd be willing to do anything to keep him in my life. And besides.. there's a difference in, "I'm not attracted to you anymore, and I'm worried." .. and, "I'm going to leave you if you don't lose weight."

    In situation A, boyfriend wants me, wants to want me, but can't help that he doesn't find me physically attractive.

    In situation B, boyfriend seems to be concerned more about his sexual desires than our emotional connection.

    On top of all that.. am I really fat? Or does boyfriend want someone anorexic? icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 14, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Lostboy said
    Me? Fat? icon_eek.gif

    God, yes. Pathological porker. I mean, just look at you.


    Shut it. Here two of the most common nicknames that women have for their husbands are "gordo" (fatty) and "guati" (tummy), so it´s not quite so horrible in this culture, but still... icon_cry.gif

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    Mar 14, 2009 10:13 PM GMT
    I would be more upset by his use of poor grammar. Perhaps he could be sent back to school to learn the difference between your and you're.
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    Mar 14, 2009 10:40 PM GMT
    Haha. So true. It has gotten bad on here. It's one thing if it's in a post, but to have bad grammar and spelling in the title of a threat is embarrassing.
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    Mar 14, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    redbull saidThere have been numerous threads on here about guys losing interest in their bf's due to weight gain and what should they do. What if your significant other told you he loved you but wasnt attracted to you anymore due to weight gain?

    Would you try to lose it to keep him? Or would you think he was being to superficial and didnt love you for you?



    Given that obesity is nearly 100% treatable and is almost always one of the most dangerous behaviors one can indulge in, there's no excuse for being a fatso. If someone important to a person tries to save a live by intervening and encouraging a fat person to stop with their self destruction then hats off to the person intervening.

    There is absolutely no excuse for being overweight, and for the nearly 8 MILLION needless deaths it causes annually.

    There is absolutely nothing shallow, superficial, or the like of a person intervening on a person who is in the process of self-destruction. Kudos to the person laying down the law! It takes someone that cares to have courage to get someone to stop a behavior that will ultimately kill them.

    We NEED more folks willing to intervene on folks with are killing themselves with bad diet. It's a crying shame that more folks don't say, "You fat pig...STOP THIS."
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    Mar 14, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    redbull said

    We NEED more folks willing to intervene on folks with are killing themselves with bad diet. It's a crying shame that more folks don't say, "You fat pig...STOP THIS."


    With all due respect,

    Grab a dictionary and look up the words TACT and COMPASSION and EMPATHY. While you're at it, research the side effect of some anti-depressants
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Mar 14, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    DClifterguy saidHaha. So true. It has gotten bad on here. It's one thing if it's in a post, but to have bad grammar and spelling in the title of a threat is embarrassing.


    Haha even better that you then said threat instead of thread. I'm going to assume that was for comedic value.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Mar 14, 2009 11:52 PM GMT
    This topic seems to have been discussed way too much lately.

    To throw my two cents in: I would be upset, but do my best to try to make things work. My partner's sexual desires are important to me, as I hope mine are to him. Whether his sexual desires are superficial or not doesn't really matter.

    Now if they are unrealistic in terms of ever happening, that would be more of a problem.
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    Mar 15, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    I've heard about unconditional love, but unconditional attraction is new.

    Whoever expects unconditional benefits (love, attraction) from others is an egocentric, clueless, selfish, spoiled diva.
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    Mar 15, 2009 1:33 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidI would be more upset by his use of poor grammar. Perhaps he could be sent back to school to learn the difference between your and you're.


    Will you bee my teacher? icon_wink.gif

    ______
    The mind does not change as easy as the body.
    Just be honest with your partner and then both of you can work together to overcome the obsticle. Work out together.

    Don't understand why people get all wrapped up in the physical aspect of how a man appears (in a fitness perspective). Unless you were born with excellent genetics, you are susceptible to gaining weight just as much as the next guy. Granted physical attractivness is always a plus but it can always be changed.

    Do you have the patience to wait for change?
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    Mar 15, 2009 1:44 AM GMT



    lostboy, *slaps lostboy - "SLAP!"*

    "You're NOT fat!!!!!" We should know..heheh.


    Bill went through a period where he'd put on 35 excess pounds. Looking through (OK OK shmaltzy right?) the eyes of Love I never noticed til someone else made a crack about it. Needless to say, that person acted a bit peeved when my reaction was blank in-curiosity, as though they'd said , "Bill's a coleslaw television."

    Are we talking fat or obese when saying 'weight gain?' I ask this because some gay men go completely snakey at a gain of 5 pounds.



    -Doug
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    Mar 15, 2009 1:48 AM GMT
    I personally don't think gaining weight and getting fat is inevitable. It is one of those things in life one has control over, unless there is something seriously wrong with the person that has a physiological basis. If I ever got fat I would not expect my partner to find me as attractive. That does not mean he would not love me, but maybe he would not to show that love through sex.
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    Mar 15, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    For me it probably depends on how much weight gain you're talking about and how much I'm in love with the person.

    If it's 20 lbs., not a big deal. If it's 50 lbs., we need to talk.

    That said, if it's 20 lbs. on someone I already feel just so-so about and am not madly in love with, it might move things toward having the break up talk. And conversely, if it was 50 lbs. on someone I'm madly in love with, I'd gently encourage them to think about their health and weight gain, but would probably stick with them.
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    Mar 15, 2009 2:11 AM GMT



    After re-reading some of these posts, guys, both of us are wondering what would happen if your partner became disfigured in some way....instant break-up?

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    Mar 15, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    I know this sounds extremely stupid and contradictory, but if he was willing to stay with me even though he wasn't attracted to me as much, I would lose it for him. If he wasn't, I wouldn't icon_razz.gif Of course it also depends on how much I loved him and how long we had been together too.