Should I be concerned?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    Me and my partner recently moved to a new neighborhood. He's made some friends (coupleA). Here's the long story. . .

    When I met couple A I did not get a warm feeling about them. They are both 22 and really had nothing to talk about except how many drugs they can get. So, I left it at that and kept to myself.

    My history of drug use has not been easy or pretty, but I can say that I haven't touched anything in eight years. Maybe this issue is coming up for the fact that my cousin finally passed away wednesday from an addiction to heroin we both use to indulge in.

    Regardless, I spoke to my partner yesterday about 1PM. He said he was at the coupleA's house laying out. No big deal.

    About 4PM I call him, no answer. I called and texted repeatedly, no answer. I work late on Fridays so I finally got off, the sun was down, and was for sure he was already home.

    He finally strolls in an hour later after I'm home and says, "We're going to dinner, get ready."
    I said, "no"
    I left for a bit and did some writing. He went to dinner and came back. I felt that I was rude by not going so I made an appearance over at coupleA's house. I was basically there long enough to see coupleA taking some pill, probably xanax. I left.

    So, when he finally came home I asked him if he had taken any drugs? He said no. I asked him why he wouldn't just call me at work to let me know about dinner plans. Basically I get a long story that he was busy.

    None of his story really makes sense and he just talked in circles.

    I look like a prude, but I choose not to surround myself with people like that. Should I be concerned with myself, him, or our relationship? I feel very hurt, sad, and scared.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    Be concerned.

    The two of you need to talk about trust and limits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    funny pictures
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2009 6:47 PM GMT
    debussy81 said...Should I be concerned with myself, him, or our relationship? I feel very hurt, sad, and scared.

    Be scared, about your relationship. He may be succumbing to the Siren Song of temptation. Make sure your own interests are safe & secure, and do nothing precipitous yourself until they are. And if he pulls the rug out from under you, as he may well do, you'll be ready and able to weather it.
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    Mar 14, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    debussy81 said None of his story really makes sense and he just talked in circles. I look like a prude, but I choose not to surround myself with people like that. Should I be concerned with myself, him, or our relationship? I feel very hurt, sad, and scared.

    The lies and evasions would be cause for concern even without the presence of drugs in the picture. You need to have a very serious talk.
    From your own experience you know the level of harm drugs can inflict. You also should know that simply being around drug users can get you in legal trouble, e.g., if you're in their car, the car gets stopped for traffic violations, and the police find drugs.
    This isn't a question of being a prude, but a matter of your bf's health and your safety.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 15, 2009 12:40 PM GMT
    Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid

    Your BF isn't being straight with you
    for whatever reason that's not good
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:16 AM GMT
    what you need to do is tell him what your feeling... he knows about your past and should be open to you not wanting to be around them. IF he is not understanding their is a bigger problem then him going over their.
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Mar 16, 2009 8:05 AM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidfunny pictures
    AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    And to the issue...Lay down the law! If you don't like that stuff...Nix it! And I would talk to your Boifrend about that whole business...cuz that's fishy.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    Serious Problems ahead. Chances are he did use some of these drugs.

    No one can erally advise you on what do to do hear except to sit down and have along talk about your concerns. Let him know exactly how you feel.

    However be ready to pack up someone's suitcase. Drugs can be more be more powerful than love.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 16, 2009 7:33 PM GMT
    I'd explain to him that you don't want to be around any drug use given your history and ask him to respect that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:33 PM GMT
    You have every reason to be concerned. Not only because of your past, but your boundaries. You two need to talk and let him know that you draw the line when it comes to surrounding yourself with people who 'use'. He should respect that boundary, and in honoring you, not associate with them either.

    On the surface it sounds like he was out getting high...but without talking to him about it and getting an honest answer you won't know for sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    Hmm... it seems that everyone thus far has erred on the side of self-protection. Here's the way I see it:

    If you have a good relationship with your boyfriend, then you owe him your trust. In the past, if you have had problems with him breaking your confidence in him, then I'd say this little scenario is cause for concern. Otherwise, why jump to the conclusion that he's up to something? I think irrationally injecting suspicion in any relationship is a road to disaster. You need to be honest and upfront with him about your feelings, and you should expect the same in return. Every relationship is different, and obviously how you handle this scenario is going to depend a lot on the nature of your relationship and your boyfriend's history with drug use, abuse, or addiction. If he's taken drugs in the past and you have had problems with trust in the past, then there it would be reasonable to suspect that something did in fact "go down."

    Evasive speech can be related to any number of things, though, and doesn't necessarily mean he's lying. It's possible that he was busy and meant to get back to you but forgot, and he felt bad about it, so he stumbled when trying to explain it. All of the suspicious people in this forum will likely disagree with that possible explanation, but my point is that it's hard to explain or interpret his behavior when you don't know what actually happened.

    Best advice I can give: Sit down and talk about it. If you can read your boyfriend pretty well, then a serious conversation about your concern with this couple and their drug use should be very telling. Good luck!

    icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:10 PM GMT
    I agree with "magicallydelicious". You can make up several stories in your head about what is going on... You just need to have an honest conversation with him about it.