This is for the single guys: How's dating going for you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    I’ve been talking to a lot of single gay men all over the world about dating, and there seems to be one common element regarding their derailed love lives and I am astounded at what they are saying:” I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold” or "For me personally, I hate to "date.. I hate having to tell someone it's not a match. I make the wrong choices.“

    Dating turns their stomach, but yet again they bypass it and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating situation or another fast messy relationship.

    I am curious to know what your experiences, views and challenges are with dating, finding quality men and the first date. This is a genuine question, so I would appreciate genuine responses please : )

    Best,

    Greg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    Non existant, in this day you have to be good enough to even be looked at.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Mar 15, 2009 8:41 PM GMT
    What an actual interesting and serious topic. Thanks.

    Well regarding a date with a gentleman, I have not had a "real date" for a long time until several months ago. It was a nice old fashion date, a request for a date, time , location, interesting conversation, only a single kiss at the end, a few others to follow, similar pattern, great conversation, energy, no sex, so it was much more old school in the fun witty flirtation, then a formal first date with the children at the house, later a make out session like you had in high school an hour and half of intense kissing (which was very sexy and intimate). They were the best few dates that I have had in years, why, because we were actually getting to know each other, respecting each other, refraining from sex, until we knew each other, because sex changes peoples view and expectations of each other. I think most dates now a days are not dates, they are either meet ups and or hook ups, sex first and then later the makings of a date, then the whole process and expectations are skewed a bit. I had another first date long distance, where we communicated by emails and phone, then met in a state for a weekend, separate rooms, dinner, great conversations, etc.... no chemistry, a friendship thing, I enjoyed the man, the weekend, and no regrets for the time, expense and effort even though it did not work out. I actually do not think that many people know how to date anymore. They hate dating, want to real thing, I do not understand the logic of that. I have had 2 months of aching heart recently over the breakup of the first guy mentioned above, but no regrets because it was a great person and experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:42 PM GMT
    Sweetmang saidNon existant, in this day you have to be good enough to even be looked at.


    well i'm definitely looking haha icon_smile.gif

    and mine isn't to existent either, i have a friend who i think is developing feelings for me which i dont view as a bad thing but i'm not adamantly looking for anything at the moment
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    So far, so good. Only 6 weeks into singledom though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:45 PM GMT
    Maybe in a few months I'll start looking for a boyfriend but right now I am very content on being alone and by myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    In the winter months I tend to hibernate anyway, so don't date as much. I did begin dating someone last fall, but it didn't last long. I'll admit I'm a little old fashioned in that I don't put out on the first date (shocking!), or even the third date. To a lot of gay men, this translates as "he's not interested" despite any reassurances. So that makes dating a little difficult sometimes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:54 PM GMT
    Two words. dating sucks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:55 PM GMT

    I'm not dating and I'm not planing to .. love will come alone. dating means searching, these searches will just exhaust you emotionally...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 8:57 PM GMT
    I'm lucky I guess - I live in the Phoenix area - and there are no shortages of total quality men out and around - everywhere here. I meet them doing all my normal activities, including at work; clubs; alumni gatherings; playing tennis; swimming laps at the pools; running; riding my bike; working out; in the jacuzzi at the pools; even in stores or public places. Just be friendly - look good everyday - feel your best and it will show! Guys love to hang with guys who are in a good place in their lives. One more thing I've done - and it worked - is take a big furry chow out with you - borrow one if you have to! Guys who need a little ice breaker will come up and ask about the dog - and you're off in a conversation! Make something good happen!
  • RITS

    Posts: 156

    Mar 15, 2009 9:03 PM GMT
    Never have gone on a date. As well as being single for 21 years. I don't find the point in it yet. I am still getting my life together and establishing a career for myself while trying to finish college. Still growing as a person so if I don't even know myself I don't expect someone to love me for me since it's still under construction. People date to date. I don't want to date to date, would rather find someone I really like and that I know I will be with for more then a year then just a relationship based on looks and lust. But I understand people do not like to be single so they want the Mr.Right now guy which is fine, it's just not my style at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:12 PM GMT
    I rarely date (about one or two a year). I just can't find anyone and I live in ORLANDO...it's like a gay mecca!
    Guess that doesn't say a lot for me huh?icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    Dating is one of the few common human endeavors worth doing. Its like play. I LOVE it. Whether one become friends or lovers or more, it is always worth it.

    The heart ache is bitter sweet, I choose to focus on the sweet part but savor the bitter part too, it shows i care and am alive, and I secretly love it too.

    I honestly suspect that if you approach dating like a job search for a life partner, you have started off all wrong. That is putting "the cart before the horse"

    i think icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    i totally agree with acuario
    but then again unless u date somebody or meet somebody u cant really find the right guy for u.....whatever happens in our lives happens thorugh trial and error.....so this makes most of the guys to give up ope in finding a bf or settling down with one and just helps them to get this attitude of 'just having fun" or "NSA" crap and stuff like that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    hell...I have yet to find a guy that can CALL your ass back!
    let alone dating....let alone anything else!!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    Single here again after a year. It's been 2 mos., so I'm not itching to jump back into it, but it would be nice to go on a real date again. It would also be nice to get out of this god-forsaken town.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Mar 15, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
    I've never dated and I've never felt interested in dating either. It Might be because I've had to be in the closet most of my life and so never fell into doing it like most people do or have done as they grew up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    I have been on lots of dates in the past two years and a half years since my last long-term relationship and I have gained lots of experience with dating. I have also learnt a lot about myself.

    I don't think there any rules to it, I've met guys in coffee shops, in pubs, gone rock climbing with one guy and roller blading with another. I've had sex on the first date and others where nothing has happened.

    You can never know what someone is going to be like until you meet them in the flesh and you'll never really know who you are going to click with until you have put some time and energy into getting to know them.

    I've also found that, for me, looks play little part in my deciding whether to see someone again. Strange but true. Personality always wins in the end.

    There is no such thing as "quality", I think it's a nebulous concept.
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 15, 2009 10:29 PM GMT
    Fishfriend saidI rarely date (about one or two a year). I just can't find anyone and I live in ORLANDO...it's like a gay mecca!
    Guess that doesn't say a lot for me huh?icon_confused.gif


    I feel the same about Chicago. I don't even know where to go to meet new people on the friend level let alone anything more. Very weird.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 15, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    dating?

    What is the term that you speak of?icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif

  • Mar 15, 2009 10:39 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 said
    Fishfriend saidI rarely date (about one or two a year). I just can't find anyone and I live in ORLANDO...it's like a gay mecca!
    Guess that doesn't say a lot for me huh?icon_confused.gif


    I feel the same about Chicago. I don't even know where to go to meet new people on the friend level let alone anything more. Very weird.


    I agree. People say that they meet guys everywhere just in public. Sometimes I wonder if they are lying or if i need a stronger lens perscription. I am not exactly sure how to meet guys especially since I do not go to clubs or bars or find that those are reliable places to meet good men. The only time I do meet a great guy, he seems to live a few states away.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Mar 15, 2009 10:40 PM GMT
    dtothes84 saidhell...I have yet to find a guy that can CALL your ass back!
    let alone dating....let alone anything else!!


    I second this statement. This seems to be one of my problems (finding men is the first one).
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 15, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    A lot of time, most gay men have sex first and then go for a date. Its a reality. Sometimes those stuff about going to movie, dinner, dancing , holding hand and finally fallig in love are not practical in a gay society. I usually, meet my men in some sex theme place, get in bed together and probably if there chemistry between us ask his phone number and go for a date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2009 12:12 AM GMT
    I really never have had much luck "dating". A big part of that may well be that under no circumstances will I have sex on the first date or even the fifth. Until I can genuinely say that I care for the person I am with and until there's something more than merely the platonic, the pants stay on. While I don't look down my nose at those who do have sex on the first date, I hold myself to a standard of behavior that denies such things.

    I want to know the person I am sharing time with, I want to know who the guy is that wants to hold my hand, to share dinner with, to talk with and I want him to know me and who I am. I won't cheapen myself to being merely a notch on a bedpost, so to speak.

    I think some try to force love out of dating, much as one would squeeze juice from an orange. Love does what it does. It is bold, passionate, thrilling, scary and mind-blowing when it is let loose to run. You have to be a strong, genuine, courageous person to let it run as the thoroughbred it is meant to.

    My problem in a nutshell is that I want the real thing and so few people are willing to invest in that, let alone genuine friendships nowadays that it makes things tough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    Mmm Single guys and Dating? Well I think alot of the good looking guys are lazy. They expect love to just walk up to them. I think you got to be proactive. You have to go out there and put yourself on the market. Just don't be too pushy. Take things slow and get to know the person. Sometimes you got to be the hunter. Just look at straight guys they hunt all the time. What is stopping you from being a hunter?