I'm not gay! ask my brother..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2009 8:12 PM GMT


    So here is the case, my brother is one year younger and still doesn't know that I'm gay..
    But let me mention for you the hints he got in a one year:

    - "I like rainbows" - that was my MSN PM when I first decided to come out.
    - I have only GAY guys on my MSN list, most of them have shirtless pictures.
    - I have a RAINBOW belt in my drawer and I think he saw it few times.
    - I always joke about being gay and show my support for this community.

    Let's get more serious:

    - I have one best friend who's extremely gay and my brother knows it !
    - he saw the RJ site on my browser once: "RealJock: GAY sports.."
    - yesterday he found between my books a drawing of two men kissing, he was all surprised and started making fun of me : " are you crazy? what the hell u were thinking? this is gross" ...

    I thought this is it, he'll know for sure .. but he didn't.

    He has these stereotypes about gay people: they are femine and wear wierd clothes ..he despite them and says that they scare him and make him angry.. though he was treating my gay friend with respect.

    How close-minded can he be ???
  • sarmorgh

    Posts: 36

    Mar 15, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    It's just because he is so close to you he is somewhat blind to it. It doesn't have to do with closed mindedness. I have a straight twin brother and he didn't believe his friends who thought I was gay. It wasn't until he met a guy I was seeing and it was out in the open that it really sunk in for him.
    How about just straight forward telling him that you're gay? He treats your friend with respect he will do the same for you.
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    Mar 15, 2009 8:49 PM GMT

    I never thought about telling him because I was afraid it's gonna affect our relationship .. but if he finds out alone then there is no place to blame myself ..
    Again .. he has stereotypocal ideas about gays .. maybe that's why he can't belive I'm gay .. or maybe he's too afraid to admit it ..
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    Mar 15, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    GHoSTic saidHe has these stereotypes about gay people: they are femine and wear wierd clothes ...How close-minded can he be ???

    Actually you describe my own denial mechanism for many years: that since I wasn't a stereotypical flamer in my outward behavior, I therefore couldn't be gay, despite my obvious interest in men. BTW, if you tell him you're gay, he might need reassurance that your being gay doesn't make him gay, too.
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    Mar 15, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    GHoSTic said
    I never thought about telling him because I was afraid it's gonna affect our relationship .. but if he finds out alone then there is no place to blame myself ..
    Again .. he has stereotypocal ideas about gays .. maybe that's why he can't belive I'm gay .. or maybe he's too afraid to admit it ..



    I understand your concern but I think you just need to live your life and quit hiding pics between books and stuff. Everyone has to come out in their own time. When I came totally out I risked losing my family including my children, but it was important to me to live my life for me, not them.

    Their were some complications but it all worked out. They respect me more now, love my bf and its all good.

    Sounds like your brother and you are close. Once you come out and he sees that not all gays are into drag and fem stuff, that your still you and a normal guy he will chill out. You will educate him. Thats whats wrong with alot of people now adays, they are ignorant about homosexuality.

    They think we are all dressing in womens clothes, runnin down the street half naked in a gay pride parade, because thats what alot of them only see of gay people.

    Let him see the other side and realize we are just guys like him. But hes not gonna see that until you come out to him.

    Theres a difference in thinking you know your brother is gay and "knowing" your brother is gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
    GHoSTic saidHe has these stereotypes about gay people: they are femine and wear wierd clothes


    This is how you convince him: act feminine and wear weird clothes. (d'uh) After you've called him "girl" a few times he'll accept it. Do take some pics though and post them here, pleaseicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2009 11:56 PM GMT
    I am betting he would be a lot less close minded if you were more open about your sexuality.
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    Mar 15, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    GHoSTic said
    I never thought about telling him because I was afraid it's gonna affect our relationship .. but if he finds out alone then there is no place to blame myself ..
    Again .. he has stereotypocal ideas about gays .. maybe that's why he can't belive I'm gay .. or maybe he's too afraid to admit it ..


    What do you mean blame? You mean who's to blame if you being gay affects your relationship - HE is no matter how he finds out. You're gay, get over it. Just tell him and if he doesn't want a relationship then screw him! It's his loss and you are in no way at fault for him not accepting who you are.

    Also, the hint stuff: always a wusses alibi!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 12:31 AM GMT
    See if he denies this sign:

    go up to your brother and say

    "Hey, I'm gay."

    see what he says then. People can only lie to themselves for so long. let your brother end his own lie... come out to him.
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Mar 16, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI am betting he would be a lot less close minded if you were more open about your sexuality.



    I must agree with what the Muncher says.
  • jmanorlando

    Posts: 205

    Mar 16, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    Based on what you typed, he may already know but is waiting for you to just tell him.

    And the problem with stereotypes is that they are normally wrong.

    While most believe gay guys are fashion obsessed, bitchy, perverted and unathletic, the fact is we aren't were are men from all walks of life and interests who naturally prefer men to women.

    We are athletes, scientists, accountants, lawyers and computer nerds (me) in addition to being ad execs, designers, models, and more.

    Maybe your brother doesn't know but he must suspect. Just be ready to share it with your brother at some point and then he can expand his view of what being gay is - ie - gay is normal.
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Mar 16, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
    That's all just a bunch of *facepalm*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidI am betting he would be a lot less close minded if you were more open about your sexuality.


    Sometimes I like smart replys... icon_wink.gif

    Honestly ( I hate honesty) .. : When I came out to my parents, first thing they said after recovering from the shock that I should deny it immediately, and tell everyone that I came out to that I was joking. Also I must hide it from my brothers cuz they are young and will not know how to deal with it ..
    I know they don't understand the gay issue as much as I do, but I'm afraid that they will turn out to be right in the first place, and that I shoudn't tell my brother .. and I hate being wrong ..
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Mar 16, 2009 7:58 AM GMT
    How old is your brother? Are we talkin' 10 or 16? Either way, he'll come across the gay thing and make up his own mind on it. You'll just have to trust it will be a positive out look rather than a negative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:06 AM GMT
    my heart goes to you man, sounds like ur parents aren't very supportive, but time will hopefully heal that
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:08 AM GMT
    Elderthlas saidHow old is your brother? Are we talkin' 10 or 16? Either way, he'll come across the gay thing and make up his own mind on it. You'll just have to trust it will be a positive out look rather than a negative.


    Yes... but going through the way to finally understaning the gay issue sounds painful..it's hard to decide which is the right time to tell..

    Would you volunteer to go and tell him ?
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Mar 16, 2009 8:11 AM GMT
    GHoSTic said
    Elderthlas saidHow old is your brother? Are we talkin' 10 or 16? Either way, he'll come across the gay thing and make up his own mind on it. You'll just have to trust it will be a positive out look rather than a negative.


    Yes... but going through the way to finally understaning the gay issue sounds painful..it's hard to decide which is the right time to tell..

    Would you volunteer to go and tell him ?


    Why not. My mom came out to me when I was ten.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:12 AM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidmy heart goes to you man, sounds like ur parents aren't very supportive, but time will hopefully heal that


    Actually my parents were very supportive.. you can understand how hard it is for any parents..
    And especially among arabs, parents like this are a phenomenon.. they tried to help in several ways .. but with the time it started to fade out, they never mention it again, hoping it'll go away like any phase in teenagers' life..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    Elderthlas said
    GHoSTic said
    Elderthlas saidHow old is your brother? Are we talkin' 10 or 16? Either way, he'll come across the gay thing and make up his own mind on it. You'll just have to trust it will be a positive out look rather than a negative.


    Yes... but going through the way to finally understaning the gay issue sounds painful..it's hard to decide which is the right time to tell..

    Would you volunteer to go and tell him ?


    Why not. My mom came out to me when I was ten.


    What do you mean your mom came out ?
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    Mar 16, 2009 8:20 AM GMT
    GHoSTic said
    Elderthlas said
    GHoSTic said
    Elderthlas saidHow old is your brother? Are we talkin' 10 or 16? Either way, he'll come across the gay thing and make up his own mind on it. You'll just have to trust it will be a positive out look rather than a negative.


    Yes... but going through the way to finally understaning the gay issue sounds painful..it's hard to decide which is the right time to tell..

    Would you volunteer to go and tell him ?


    Why not. My mom came out to me when I was ten.


    What do you mean your mom came out ?


    As in my mom likes women too. She and my step mother have been together for 8 years now. Good times!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 8:24 AM GMT
    Elderthlas said

    As in my mom likes women too. She and my step mother have been together for 8 years now. Good times!


    Wow ... that's a story ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    Have a brother a year younger than me too. I'm not out to him nor anyone in the family. I think he knows. He has a few gay friends, so I don't think it's a big deal to him.

    Just a month ago, I overheard my sister and him talking about someone who was apparently courting my brother (a supposedly closeted gay guy who keeps taking him out to lunch or somesuch). I was coming down the stairs, when they heard me, they switched topics really quickly. LOL