Dating a "Texter"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    Recently I meet and began to talk to a guy. After the first meeting he began to text me. He would text me about everything. I would only get to actually talk to him on the phone if I were lucky once a day, very late at night and for very short amounts of time.

    When I tried to discuss more serious things he would often change the subject. He would thenm text me later about them. I would tell him I wanted to talk to him about these things on the phone so no misscommunications would occur. He wouldn't do it.

    Well I stopped seeing him. I want more out of a relationship than text messages. I feel there are some things people should discuss at least over the phone if not in person. Yes I had no choice but to tell him it was off via text, since he wouldn't actually call me. I also felt it best to do it this way. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

    So has anyone had this type of problem? Where the guy wouldn't do anything but text you. Alos how do you feel abotu texting. What topics should be discussed and what ones should be discussed in actually talking via phone or in person?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
    I minimize my cell-phone usage. I have a pre-paid plan so every minute counts (I have no unlimited minutes or free nights/weekends). From a cost perspective, it is actually cheaper for me to send/receive texts than to call from my cell-phone.

    Maybe his plan is similar to mine? If that's the case, either he needs to use his land-line to talk to you or he needs to change his plan/carrier. As for me, I have my land-line and there is where I run my mouth off (my cell-phone is really just for emergencies).

    Texting is cute and fun but hardly the forum to discuss issues or to get to know someone better.
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    I'm with you on this one...
    If he can't communicate in person, then there is some underlying issue or soon to be one.
    I get that the 20somethings of the world love this new toy called texting, but face-to-face converstaion/communication will always have an undeniable necessity and higher value than "letters" in the mail.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    One-on-one conversations are for old people. Get with it, you fuddies!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidOne-on-one conversations are for old people. Get with it, you fuddies!



    LOL
    yeah well you enjoy your cyber-sex -- I'll take mine in person icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    I'm a huge texter myself.. but I'm going to have to agree with you on this one. Some things are better said via telephone or in person... not texts. Kudos
  • Tennis_Tom

    Posts: 59

    Mar 16, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    well im a 20something and i dont love texting. You can clear everything up in 15 seconds with proper dialogue of a phone call instead of the stunted communication of a text.

    sounds like yer man had confrontation/communication issues
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:51 PM GMT
    As a 20-something I will be the first to admit that txting is way more convenient that phone conversations. when the phone rings at work i find myself hanging up and thinking "you couldn't have e-mailed me that???" same goes for a txt. "did you really need to call and tell me that??" But that mentality only applies to business and casual social setting. A lot of young(er) people don't see a distinction, but it's just kind of rude to keep throwing txts out there at someone you are genuinely interested in. photo e-mails, mmmm now that's different. :-P
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 16, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    rnch saidmy bf and I have exchanged text messages so hot i'm amazed the phone didn't melt. after spending all day texting back and forth with him (and trying to not smile or gasp at work over the messages!) we have literally torn each other's clothes off in the living room and fucked on the floor as soon as the other walked in the door. ("your text got me SO hot and bothered i couldn't stand up after the meeting was over") icon_lol.gif

    could texting be a new version of foreplay? icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 16, 2009 5:59 PM GMT
    This drives me nuts!!! If a guy can't communicate with me by phone so we can have an actually give and take dialogue, then he probably lacks the communication skills necessary for a successful relationship. Texts are fine to say 'hey whats up babe' but they are completely inadequate for expressing or discussing more complex matters. My mind works in more then a couple hundred characters at a time. I love texting, it's great for many things, but yeah you need more in a relationship then serial texting.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    I hate text messages for anything other than quick questions or to talk about something minimal/specific if you're in the middle of something else.

    But I have, so far, dated, better said, tried to date, two guys with textophilia (you like that term? icon_cool.gif. It makes you feel like you're 13 again, even though when we were 13 there were no text messages (how sad).

    On the one hand, I truly believe that someone who texts for everything is one of those people with either a lot of anxiety or a lot of emotional barricade. I've seen it in these two guys, in certain friends, and in guys who my friends have dated. If you're not like this, you better steer away.

    On the other hand, I believe in a decade we won't quite be able to tell between those really social anxious people and those who are more mildly so. Everyone will be texting and emailinig and "talking without talking". We will probably be doing a thousand more things than we are now. And so maybe texting will become a necessity, maybe it will become even less time-consuming that it is now...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    rnch said
    rnch saidmy bf and I have exchanged text messages so hot i'm amazed the phone didn't melt. after spending all day texting back and forth with him (and trying to not smile or gasp at work over the messages!) we have literally torn each other's clothes off in the living room and fucked on the floor as soon as the other walked in the door. ("your text got me SO hot and bothered i couldn't stand up after the meeting was over") icon_lol.gif

    could texting be a new version of foreplay? icon_cool.gif


    No doubt this can be great foreplay, and in general a good way to say hi, or meet me for lunch etc..

    but do you use it for serious relationship issues? Or do you discuss this in person or at least via phone?
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    I honestly can't stand talking on the phone. I like to see the person I'm talking to. So, in general, I rarely call people. I just shoot them a text. I will talk on the phone if I have to, like my friend needs some help. But it's rare that something will be so important that we have to talk on the phone, but not important enough for us to talk face to face.

    I think I work a lot better face to face and I'm usually willing to make the effort to meet someone rather than chat on the phone.

    But if that's the only way they can discuss things, then you have a problem. Texting is easy because you get to reread every text and plan out what to say next. I'm a really shy and awkward guy; I can see the allure of texting as a very safe way to communicate. But in the end, I want to form real connections with people that don't involve "lol."
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    i only get 450 minutes a month and i get unlimited texting, so i would much rather text then talk.

    plus i hate talking on the phone cause all i can do is talk on the phone and i hate doing one thing at a time. so when im texted i can be doing something else while texting.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    I've never text and would rather people talk to me direct on the phone or in person. If my phone had a full qwerty keyboard then that might greatly change things.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:27 PM GMT

    Next time, don't TALK to a guy everyday. Didn't you know that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Even if just meeting and you both very hot for eachother, I'd suggest rest periods between chats about 2 days or so apart. Maybe that is what all the texting was about: he had gotten tired of hearing your voice. No offense to you, but how can you blame him if he were hearing it EVERYDAY, poor devil. Text are informal, while chats are more formal. You wanted serious talks after a couple meetings? Are you sure by texting, he wasn't just trying to ease on the breaks or atleast cruise control, but you had to go and throw him out of the car! icon_lol.gif
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Mar 16, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    I did go out with a guy who was a texter; whenever we were together he was busy texting his friends. Can we talk without you picking it up? Another trait of his that bothered me was that he called guys in their late 30's old.

    Shallow should only belong in kiddie pools.

    I'd rather talk to someone and hear their voice than waste my time trying to figure out the flipping cell phone to text.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
    Texting -- like Facebooking, Twittering, IMing, long-distance telegraphing, etc., etc. -- is a generational thing, partly. My grandma doesn't understand why I email her instead of writing and mailing a letter, and vice versa. Different communication paradigms.

    It's also a matter of personal preference and convenience. I might wanna check in on my partner from time to time to say hi, but I don't want to interrupt whatever he's doing by calling...and really, just checking in to say 'hey, what's up, I'm bored" doesn't require a formal conversation or phone call. If I text, he'll get back to me when it's convenient for him, and that's cool.

    Chances are, the dude you unceremoniously dumped just never stopped to think that texting mighta been a communication no-no for you. As for 'appropriate' subject matters...that depends on each person's comfort levels. I'd say anything that important should be saved for face-to-face, not text, telephone, or tin can.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
    I am an avid texter. All my friends know it and don't ever expect me to call them. I just don't like talking on the phone....AT ALL. My bf is the same way. Texting is so much more simple. But I'm not obnoxious about it. I send a text to see what the plans are, and where I should be, and that's about it. I only send frivolous messages to my bf like once a day, usually just to say I love him. I even do it to my mom. HA!
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    Texting is so useful - half the time i'm in class or at work or preoccupied.
    Texting requires no sound so it's so useful!
    Plus atleast it shows you're thinking of the person when you send them a text.
    Bottom line: If I didn't have texting i'd die.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    Texting has it's purpose, but in all honesty it annoys me. In all honesty if I was on a date, and someone was wrapped up in text messages I'd probably just leave. I didn't go out with you to watch you talk to your friends...sorry.

    In terms of dating a texter, no. I make it clear that calls are for conversations, and texting is for a "I'm running 5 minutes behind." It actually pisses some guys off when I tell them I do not want to text with them, and I've gotten the easy way out in terms of getting guys I really didn't want to date anyway to leave me alone.
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    Mar 16, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    withHonor saidI'd rather talk to someone and hear their voice than waste my time trying to figure out the flipping cell phone to text.


    I agree 100%. One can tell more about how a preson feels witha few minutes of actual conversation over 100's of text messages.

    I well state again I do nto mind the occasional text for the casual "im off to where ever" and such. However when a problem arises, or more serious situation happens, the text message seems inappropriate.
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Mar 16, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    Its NOT healthy in a relationship to talk/communicate a lot via text. Short spurt messages during the day or night IF apart is decent and ok (ie: sweet comments to one another, talking about how your day is going, etc). However, from MY experience, texting is the DEVIL sometimes & the WORSE form of communication. ESPECIALLY if there is a misunderstanding/argument/issue. Just opens the door to problems cause anything from tone/meaning/subtext can be read incorrectly - very easily.
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Mar 16, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    lXxAngelusxXl saidTexting is so useful - half the time i'm in class or at work or preoccupied.
    Bottom line: If I didn't have texting i'd die.


    Especially since you're suppose to be paying attention in class at the lesson or at work getting paid to WORK instead of text.

    Oh people and their ADD.
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Mar 16, 2009 7:13 PM GMT
    Cowboiway said

    I agree 100%. One can tell more about how a preson feels witha few minutes of actual conversation over 100's of text messages.

    I well state again I do nto mind the occasional text for the casual "im off to where ever" and such. However when a problem arises, or more serious situation happens, the text message seems inappropriate.


    I have to agree for minor messages, that's fine. But when it needs detail, I need to talk to the other person about it.

    So Cowboiway, when are we gonna start texting or sexting each other?