Foriegn Relationships..any advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 7:09 PM GMT
    As I venture into the dating world many different men have asked for a date. One such man is a guy from France (im American, duh..lol) and a student who intend to stay in America for a little while after school. I have to admit I love his accent. However I know there have to be pitfalls in every type of relationships.

    So the question to you. What problems could I be facing here if the relationship thrives? Beyond the regular trips to france (oh twist my arms). Imagration issues, cultural issues etc.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 16, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    Well for one, fiacsos like the one I am dealing with:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/449632/

    Edit: Now with clicky goodness http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/449632/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 16, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    as stated, he lives locally..so traveling for the next few years while he is in school is no big deal
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 16, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
    Cowboiway saidas stated, he lives locally..so traveling for the next few years while he is in school is no big deal


    What about the "involuntary travel" known as deportation? That is what we are facing. Are you just planning to date, or are you looking for a partner?
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 16, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    During my student day in America, I dated my manager (I was a McDonald crewperson) eventhough my student visa is expiring in 3 months. We are so in love with each other that I move to live with him despite my immigration status. In order , to remain in USA to be with him, I marriage an American lesbian girl and pay her to do it (to gain my green card). I can tell you as much as we love each other it is not worth it. I was in constant fear that some immigration officer will knock on my door to take me to jail. I cant get a job beside (working minimal job as buss boy and fllipping burger) due to my immigration status despite having a bachelor degree (who want to hire a foreign guy living with 2 year green card status). We cant dream of a proper future , like buying properties, we cant even leave the USA for vacation, in fear of I might not be able to come back.

    My bitchy wife take advantage of my situation , she keep asking for money , treating me like a dog and finally moving out without helping me with my permanent green card application.

    I know love can conquer all. But sometimes it just not worth it. I learn my lesson and have never get invovle emotionally with anyone who is not the same nationallity with me again.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 16, 2009 11:10 PM GMT
    Wow, that is worse than my story. Any thoughts of trying to go to your country, zakariahzol? Our ultimate back up plan is to move to India, or Israel.
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    Mar 16, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    BE AWARE OF CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. I cannot emphasize this enough. To this day, I am still offended by French mannerisms until I realize that that just isn't how you do it there.

    While I have been in a relationship with only a French woman, I can't speak for men (which is a good thing because I have vile disgust for French men. I have seen them do terrible things, but again, just cultural differences.)

    To be practical, just be aware that if it develops one party is going to have to be willing to give up something to move. In my department we have 5 females married, dating, or engaged to French men all of whom are in the process of finishing an MA or a PhD which will serve as nothing in France. They are all planning to either get another education in France or just be les bonnes femmes au foyer.

    Same thing if you reverse the rolls. Their French husbands, boyfriends, or fianc├ęs will have a very small chance of getting a good job in the US with a French degree.

    There are really good books out there written by Americans about what it is like to marry, date, or be with French people all so very amusing. I am writing one now on living in France as an American.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 16, 2009 11:24 PM GMT
    DC ERIC

    You mean bringing him to my country? In a gay repressive country, with set of law against sodomy...of course not. Where do we want to live, how can he find a job, can my family accepted him. My relationship with him is doom the day it begin and have no future .

    I have sweet memory with Jerry and the two year we share together. It just after I come home my life start to be successful and I finally have a proper job and a wonderful life that I enjoying right now.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 17, 2009 12:20 AM GMT
    zakariahzol,

    It's good you have a solution. India does have a law on the books, but it is very rarely enforced, and it is a risk we are willing to take.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:00 AM GMT
    Cowboi, be very aware that English is not his first language. So when you guys have some deep, emotional discussions, ask questions if something doesn't make sense to you. And make sure he really understands what you tell him.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 17, 2009 2:53 AM GMT
    CBW,
    you're the guy who dated the one who would only text you!!
    Why not pick someone you can actually speak to on the phone, daily if you want, and see them a few times a week-go on dates and...

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:02 AM GMT
    Are you interested in learning French? ...If you are interested in this guy, obviousy a way to show it overwhelmingly is to make an effort learning his language. You will blow his socks right off.

    I greatly endorse RosettaStone software....it is great! ....not like studying at all .... Plus you will have someone to use it on. ... icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    I don't see too many issues if the cultural divide doesn't create any issue. The only thing I would consider is where your compromises would be down the road and if you're willing to give in if he plans on going back to France and stay, visa versa...

    If either party has no desire to give in or compromise, you might as well move on. Otherwise, I don't see any issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidAre you interested in learning French? ...If you are interested in this guy, obviousy a way to show it overwhelmingly is to make an effort learning his language. You will blow his socks right off.

    I greatly endorse RosettaStone software....it is great! ....not like studying at all .... Plus you will have someone to use it on. ... icon_biggrin.gif


    i totally would have invested the money into that, but they dont make a czech one icon_sad.gif

    i have only heard rave reviews about it