Your pet's diary.

  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Mar 16, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    Some of you might've already seen this, but ...


    Excerpts from a dog's daily diary:

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


    Excerpts from a cat 's daily diary:

    Day 983 of my captivity...

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

    Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 16, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    I will forward it to Buddy and Mia and get their take...


    LOL


    icon_biggrin.gificon_eek.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 16, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
    My Pup's diary

    5 am
    I was jumping on my doggy door for a freakin' half hour
    Jeez, what else do I have to do to get him up

    5-6:30 am
    Played with my brother for the hour
    He still won't give me my favorite chew toy when I want it
    Was told to shut up three or four times

    6:30-7 am went outside to go poop and throw out the bag of great smelling stuff he keeps under the counter
    God... I'll get into that someday

    7 am - 3pm
    Prison in the damn kitchen ....
    What Puppy Chow AGAIN? DAMN SCREWS!!!!!

    3pm - 3:30pm
    He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home! He's home!

    3:30 - 3:45pm
    Let's go outside....Let's go outside....Let's go outside....Let's go outside....Let's go outside....Let's go outside....
    Let's go outside....Let's go outside....

    4:30 - 5am
    What Puppy Chow AGAIN?

    5 - 8pm
    Gimme that damn Ball !!!!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    I have seen this before but not for a very long time. Always a good read from the cat. Thanks for posting this!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 16, 2009 10:16 PM GMT
    Wonderful. Sounds just like my cat... although she is more princessy than emo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    Where are the lolcats?

    I expected funny kiteh and puppy posters by now.

    Somebody is gonna have to pick up the slack.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 12:17 AM GMT
    This reminds me of that Friendster-like website, but it was for people's pets. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    I'm dogsitting now and Madison's diary would read:

    Stupid moron thinks I'm too fat and has cut back my kibble.

    Stupid moron forgot to give me water again today so I took my bowl and threw it up in the air at him.

    Stupid moron kicked me off the bed last night in his sleep.


    I'm surprised this dog still likes me.icon_redface.gif
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Mar 17, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThis reminds me of that Friendster-like website, but it was for people's pets. icon_biggrin.gif


    you mean:
    http://www.dogster.com/

    or:
    http://www.catster.com/

    or how about (sorry americans, I meant How aboooot):
    http://www.dogster.com/dogs/182371

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    god, i love cats!!! LOL LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 5:49 AM GMT

    From Eddie the cat at home:



    Even after my 7th attempt, the "family" still does not seem to comprehend that my seeking higher ground in the tree is a means of ESCAPE from them. I am confident that an 8th attempt will drill the point home.

    My mass was measured today, most likely for some bizarre ritual I will have to deal with later. The woman commented on her surprise on my being 15 lbs - that I was a "fat kitty". I was outraged of course....15 lbs? FAT?? IS THAT A JOKE??? I can feel her footfalls from halfway across the internment camp and yet somehow I'm the one who needs a diet?

    I plan to stifle those comments tonight as I sit on her face while she sleeps. Unfortunately, this technique has failed with the boy, as he has the strength to toss me aside, like I am nothing. I am hopeful, though, that a google search will show me a more efficient means of disposing of him. Typing up this search may be difficult, though, as I am still thumb-less.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 17, 2009 6:02 AM GMT
    3:00am - Noticed my claws haven't been trimmed this week so I wrapped myself around Robby's arm and hugged real hard.

    4:57am - Knowing the autofeeder will dispense my food in about an hour and a half I decide to push my cold wet nose in his face and screech in his ear just to make sure he knows that I know that I'm still getting fed at the same hour and minute I do every day.

    6:30am - Rush panickedly to autofeeder, sniff disdainfully at food and paw around the feed to further emphasize my disdain then sit in corner and glare at Robby as he checks his e-mail and write obnoxious shit on that faggoty website he's always on.

    7:00am - Follow Robby into the bathroom screeching to be groomed.

    7:15am - Yowl angrily that I only get brushed for 15 minutes and stick my head in the curtain as Robby showers and make fun of his inadequacies.

    8:05am - Take smelly dump that I spend five minutes burying in the litter box then launch myself explosively through the apartment knocking over everything that isn't bolted down.

    8:30 - He's gone so I eat all my food and barf at least half of it up on his favorite shell cordovan wingtips he forgot to put away.

    8:35am - 6:29pm - Sleep, drink and think of new ways to be totally fucking annoying.

    6:30pm - Nibble unenthusiastically at the offerings of the autofeeder.

    6:50pm - Time my next smelly dump to be lingering when Robby comes through the door.

    7:05pm - Screech in righteous indignation at Robby for abandoning me all day long to amuse myself. Follow him around and try to trip him as he takes off his work clothes. Then pay close attention to anything that happens to be composed of something that came from a Lora Piana, SaxXon or Vitale Barberis Canonico mill and try to climb it.

    At least he didn't stay out all night and come home smelling like that psychotically upbeat beagle he made me live with for three weeks. I mean that manically flying tongue with feet didn't have the good sense to understand I was trying to kill it, let alone the decency to cower in terror as I entered the room.

    7:30pm - Act hurt and surprised that I get locked in the bathroom for an hour as punishment.

    9:30pm - Screech at Robby some more when he gets back from the gym.

    11:00pm fall asleep on back of couch while Robby lets RJ suck some more life out of him.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2009 6:01 AM GMT
    ROFLMAO! That was the funniest thing I've read in ages. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    And this is why I fear our cats. hm.gif