Sex... THEN you find out he lied about HIV status.

  • GoodPup

    Posts: 752

    Mar 17, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    So when I first started messing around I was maybe not the safest... only a handful of times. Then in the past month or so, I have been told 3 of those guys are HIV positive and lie about their status.
    Luckily it was a while back and I have been tested, so I didn't have to freak too much as if it was current.
    But it makes me wonder... is the person telling me that lying? Or are there that many tops that lie and fuck you bareback knowing their status?
    The odd thing is that the people that have been the ones to tell me have been guys who want to mess around bareback... so it makes me suspicious that they would be informing me of a mistake I made then try to get me to repeat that kind of unsafe mistake.
    Anyone else have anything similar?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidEven crazier, I know people who have had sex with people they knew were HIV+, but used a condom so they were ok with it.


    Yeah, my ex and I were insanely irresponsible using the bucket loads of condoms we went through. That insane behavior had the crazy side effect of him staying negative.

    *edit*

    After mentioning this to him through google messenger just now, he sends his regards.
    go fuck yourself Pictures, Images and Photos
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    Yes, people WILL lie to you about their status. Treat every single person as if they are infected. Do not think they have your safety in mind. The only thing they want is to get off. Maybe you were lied to maybe not. Never ever bareback. You never know what you will be getting in addition to HIV. If you don't know you need to ask the person directly if they have it or not before you do anything with them.

    One of my past boyfriends who was HIV+ revealed to me one day that he went on a cruise after he found out and tried to spread it. I lost all kinds of respect for him after that. On a different site this guy had his status listed as negative but he told me through email he was positive. Made me wish there was some way of contacting people about it.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Mar 17, 2009 5:35 AM GMT
    Why on Earth would you want to inflict pain and misery on innocent people just because you got infected? That's just....evil.
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:43 AM GMT
    I was in this situation even though it was safe sex he still completely lied to me for 6 month. Even worse his sister had died of AIDS earlier that year. Anyway I got tested and was fine but it just goes to show you that you have to protect yourself because there are some sick motherfuckers out there. Safety first.
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Mar 17, 2009 5:49 AM GMT
    MSUBioNerd saidWhy on Earth would you want to inflict pain and misery on innocent people just because you got infected? That's just....evil.


    I agree. Such actions should be considered vile crimes against humanity if they already aren't.
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:56 AM GMT
    junknemesis said
    MSUBioNerd saidWhy on Earth would you want to inflict pain and misery on innocent people just because you got infected? That's just....evil.


    I agree. Such actions should be considered vile crimes against humanity if they already aren't.


    There's a good case (and legal precedent) for sending people who knowingly infect others with HIV to jail. Some states have specific laws against intentional infection, and those that don't specifically cover it would likely see you locked away for reckless endangerment.

    ...all of which would be well-deserved.
  • GoodPup

    Posts: 752

    Mar 17, 2009 5:58 AM GMT
    I guess I am just mad at myself now for being too scared to ask a guy to put a condom on when I was new. And I am so glad I've tested fine. But.... makes me wanna go do another test this week again.
    I am just sort of surprised that people would go that far to hurt someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    With how often this topic comes up, the best way to deal with it, as everyone says, is to assume EVERYONE in +.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    its been said 100 times before...assume EVERYONE is positive and then play within your comfort zones. dont establish your comfort zone once you're in bed after a glass of wine. do it under the fluorescent light of the publiuc transit system in your city.

    regarding the emotions/ feeling about decption and hurt etc....

    people might not be lying, they may genuinely not know. and the viral load of somebody recently infected will be siginificantly higher than somebody who has been positive on meds and who might have an undetectable viral load.
    youre in california, there are so many resources here to help us get educated and be safe. good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    You should always wear a condom. You should also know that your doctor can prescribe HIV medications shortly after a possible infection as a possible prevention for the transmission of HIV. Good luck. Sounds like you learned some lessons.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Mar 17, 2009 12:31 PM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidCondoms do NOT prevent transission of HIV. The condom manufacturers cannot make this claim as it is not true. Read the writing on the package:

    When used properly latex condoms will help preveny pregnancy and reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection and other STD's. No condom, however can eliminate risk.
    you must be a really fun person to be around. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:20 PM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidCondoms do NOT prevent transission of HIV. The condom manufacturers cannot make this claim as it is not true. Read the writing on the package:

    When used properly latex condoms will help preveny pregnancy and reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection and other STD's. No condom, however can eliminate risk.


    No seatbelt can eliminate death in car accidents. No agreement to be monogamous can eliminate the risk of one partner cheating, taking a poz load up his ass, and passing HIV to the other partner. Life is full of risk; sometimes, the best a parson can do is reduce it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    Dig_For_Fire saidCondoms do NOT prevent transission of HIV. The condom manufacturers cannot make this claim as it is not true. Read the writing on the package:

    When used properly latex condoms will help preveny pregnancy and reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection and other STD's. No condom, however can eliminate risk.


    Research has followed uninfected people who were sleeping with infected people. When latex condoms were used correctly and consistently they were effective in 98%-100% cases in preventing the transmission of HIV.

    Manufacturers cannot claim to prevent transmission in order to avoid liability.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Mar 17, 2009 1:27 PM GMT
    The most recent post from Dig for Fire has some merit.
    Unfortunately there are too many guys out there who are helping to spread this disease either knowingly or unknowingly. And unfortunately, there are too many men who willingly put themselves in harms way.
    I had my share of men who will look deep into your eyes and smile, as they "stab you in the back". Fortunately, i have met someone who after 2 years is restoring my long held belief that most men behave like dogs in heat.
  • Tennis_Tom

    Posts: 59

    Mar 17, 2009 1:31 PM GMT
    first of all to the OP - i hope this is a lesson to you to just wear a fucking condom, its not that difficult

    Also, isnt it illegal to lie about your HIV status if you know it? im sure i read that somewhere
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    Has anyone seen my soapbox around here anywhere?

    Oh, here it is, let me step up on it again.

    1 - You are responsible for your own safety. Not the condom company, not the other guy.

    2 - Seroconversion takes a while. Even someone who tested negative could be undetectable.

    3 - Gentlemen who have contracted HIV might have done everything right, played safe, and still contracted it. This does not make them reckless, bug-spreading, careless for their bodies, or careless about you.

    4 - Most poz guys I've known have been very open about their status. Many are very educated about the virus. Instead of calling them "insanely irresponsible" how about you ask them a question. Here, I'll even get you started. "If you have gingivitis and your gums are bleeding, how risky is oral sex?"

    5 - If you're that concerned, then don't "maybe not be the safest" when you mess around. Make your safety your priority.

    6 - Give a poz guy a hug today.

    7 - Get yourself tested regularly. Nothing worse than throwing a stone in your own glass house.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    I dated a guy. I knew he was positive and we played safe only. I broke it off when I found out he cheated on me. I found out he was out there having sex. not just sex, but unprotected. He had done this numerous times while dating me. I found out the gentleman's names, and told them, or as many as possible. I then turned over all the information, emails and such where he stated he was negative, and clean to the authorities. They have been investigating him for criminal charges.

    I also sent this to all his state senators. hoping some sort of law against such activites could be stopped.

    It is criminal. Men who have this disease. Know they have it and lie just so they can play bare.

    I understand the idea of privacy, and I understand also playing safe. that one who play bare takes thier life in thier hands. However that is not criminal to play bare. It is a crime to endager someone elses life when you know you have a deadly disease.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    "It is a crime to endager someone elses life when you know you have a deadly disease."

    Remember to say that to someone who has the flu who sneezes on you in the checkout line in the grocery store.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    If someone has knowingly been deceptive regarding their status and has intercourse with another person and did not inform him/her of his/ her HIV status before the act is committing a crime. That is against the law and he/she should be reported to the authorities. It is called assault with a deadly weapon and it is a felony. The law has been on the books since the late 80's or early 90's.

    I'm not going to give crap about what you should have done because they flood gates are already open on that front. Some give here have knack to elevating cruelty to epic proportions.

    Good Luck to you guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    MSUBioNerd saidWhy on Earth would you want to inflict pain and misery on innocent people just because you got infected? That's just....evil.


    There is the flipside that those who SAID that the 3 were HIV+ were lying themselves. Rumors have a nasty habit of being created in the world of the gays...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 2:01 PM GMT
    JaseinOC saidSo when I first started messing around I was maybe not the safest... only a handful of times. Then in the past month or so, I have been told 3 of those guys are HIV positive and lie about their status.
    Luckily it was a while back and I have been tested, so I didn't have to freak too much as if it was current.
    But it makes me wonder... is the person telling me that lying? Or are there that many tops that lie and fuck you bareback knowing their status?
    The odd thing is that the people that have been the ones to tell me have been guys who want to mess around bareback... so it makes me suspicious that they would be informing me of a mistake I made then try to get me to repeat that kind of unsafe mistake.
    Anyone else have anything similar?


    You play with fire, and sooner, or later, you're gonna' get burned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    JaseinOC saidSo when I first started messing around I was maybe not the safest... only a handful of times. Then in the past month or so, I have been told 3 of those guys are HIV positive and lie about their status.
    Luckily it was a while back and I have been tested, so I didn't have to freak too much as if it was current.
    But it makes me wonder... is the person telling me that lying? Or are there that many tops that lie and fuck you bareback knowing their status?
    The odd thing is that the people that have been the ones to tell me have been guys who want to mess around bareback... so it makes me suspicious that they would be informing me of a mistake I made then try to get me to repeat that kind of unsafe mistake.
    Anyone else have anything similar?


    You have got to be freaking kidding me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

    WTF!!! WTF !!!!! You can't be serious!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me dude!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 17, 2009 2:15 PM GMT
    I will never ever barebacking. I do it in the past some 10 years ago with a few guys (when I was a top). Now that I am a bottom there no way I will be that stupid. I have some guys try to persuade me to go bare back. He said he cant get it hard, he cant feel it, he said he just take a shower and his dick is clean. No no way.....you put the rubber on or no anal penetration (or even blow job for that matter).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2009 2:42 PM GMT
    No unsafe play for me - ever - with the exception of sometime in the future when I'm through dating around - and settle down with ONE guy. We will get tested together - and when we decide we are monogamous - totally - and through screwing around with anyone else - then - only then - would I consider dropping the condoms.

    But until that time - if I found out somebody I was dating was pos and he had lied about it - on one hand I'd be o.k. personally - since I had not played unsafely. On the other hand, I'd be so pissed - I might have to kick his ass.