contrarian self-help

  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Mar 17, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    do you have any mantras that go against conventional, best-selling self-helpers?

    as gay men, conditioned to be progressive, we mentally/spiritually run away from provincial notions, for the sake of 'escaping' an unflattering past, only casually questioning where it is exactly we're running to, because a self-help guru's book, for only $9.95, told us that it's good for us.

    of course, many times, the flight is justified (fag-hating dad, unglamorous neighbors, no pinkberry within 3 blocks of residence)

    but sometimes, in order to sell a book, many of our 'helper$' tell us to run without dealing with issues at home, never to look back, when sometimes the best lessons learned are in those un-haute locales.

    for me one mantra is, if it temporarily makes me miserable..it's probably good for me; i.e. spending a saturday night reading legal language on a refinance packet when i already trust my lawyer, going out with coworkers which may or may not lead to a promotion, even though housewives of new york city is on.

    do you have any that go against the grain?
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    Mar 17, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    One mantra I have is "never buy a self-help book". Seriously though coming from a background in Psychology, and having family members that excel at Science and Math I have a tendency to gravitate towards more objective, rational and logical ways of dealing with issues.

    I personally believe that emotions of all sorts are healthy to a certain extent. I have learned more important lessons from those periods of my life in which I was depressed and lonely then from those periods I was happy and carefree.

    I also believe that the earlier the life experience, the greater the impact on the brain. And it is your brain that determines how you feel and how you cope with life.

    Want to understand yourself better? Try and find out what your family environment was from birth to about 3 years of age. Including the relationship between your parents, the relationship you had with your mom and/or your siblings. Also remember that your parents are human beings, which means they have a past and issues to deal with. Often people will repeat the same mistakes their parents made without even being aware of it.

    Finally what is a "pinkberry"?
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Mar 17, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    Do NOT live each day like it's your last.

    If today were my last day on Earth, I wouldn't invest in my IRA. I'd eat unhealthy things which tasted good, because what would I care about the risk of developing heart disease in 20 years? I'd blow off work, as I'm sure I could find a more enjoyable way to spend my remaining hours than grading homework.

    While it's reasonable to make sure you don't put off all things you might enjoy to the distant future, you're also likely to be happier, in total, by making some responsible decisions today where the repercussions will happen years in the future. A lot of pop psychology is really idiotic when you carry it to its logical extreme.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Mar 17, 2009 6:08 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidOne mantra I have is "never buy a self-help book".


    took me about $317.56 of books in to realize this. thanks malcolm gladwell and joe kort. brilliant businessmen; what i learned - parrot & exploit their marketing, not so much their advice.

    another of mine "most direct way to preserving objective sanity; always block time out for deranged, unaccountable, skewed, illogical play and interactions." inebriated colleagues by side, or solo barventures for the bold, making new pathological friends along the way.

    ever notice how psychiatrists' kids are usually withdrawn? i know two from different families; one a cokehead, other, talents wasted..coincidence? who know$.

    http://www.pinkberry.com/html/pbmain.php

    but i've been frequenting 16 handles..shhhhh
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    Mar 17, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    I've heard of a 12-step for self-help. It starts out something like:
    * admitting that one CAN control one's addiction or compulsion;
    * recognizing a power WITHIN that can give strength;
    * moving forward constructively;
    * getting your taxes paid;
    * making your current life valuable;
    * telling others to stop offering advice...
    etc, etc,
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    Mar 17, 2009 10:37 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    kaccioto saidever notice how psychiatrists' kids are usually withdrawn?

    My father is a retired psychiatrist, and I doubt seriously that anyone would call me "withdrawn".


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Oh really? And I was going to ask you to come out of your shell more.

    In my experience Doctor's kids often have issues. After all Doctor's have amongst the highest incidence of divorce, alcohol and drug addiciton among so called professionals.
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    Mar 17, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    Is that like how a dentist has bad teeth?
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    Mar 18, 2009 1:07 AM GMT
    growingbig saidIs that like how a dentist has bad teeth?
    Or how a barber has bad hair?
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    Mar 18, 2009 1:12 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    growingbig saidIs that like how a dentist has bad teeth?
    Or how a barber has bad hair?


    Or how a Tom Cruise has a wife.
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    Mar 18, 2009 1:38 AM GMT
    SurrealLife saidOne mantra I have is "never buy a self-help book". Seriously though coming from a background in Psychology, and having family members that excel at Science and Math I have a tendency to gravitate towards more objective, rational and logical ways of dealing with issues.

    I personally believe that emotions of all sorts are healthy to a certain extent. I have learned more important lessons from those periods of my life in which I was depressed and lonely then from those periods I was happy and carefree.

    I also believe that the earlier the life experience, the greater the impact on the brain. And it is your brain that determines how you feel and how you cope with life.

    Want to understand yourself better? Try and find out what your family environment was from birth to about 3 years of age. Including the relationship between your parents, the relationship you had with your mom and/or your siblings. Also remember that your parents are human beings, which means they have a past and issues to deal with. Often people will repeat the same mistakes their parents made without even being aware of it.

    Finally what is a "pinkberry"?


    I agree with you. I've never even read a self help book
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    Mar 18, 2009 6:15 AM GMT
    What's a pinkberry?
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    Mar 18, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    Sedative saidWhat's a pinkberry?

    http://www.pinkberry.com/html/pbmusicplayer.html icon_lol.gif

    promo_valentine09.jpg
    http://www.pinkberry.com/html/pbmain.php
    If you ever come to California, lad, I will treat you to pinkberry icon_biggrin.gif

    No dirty thoughts anyone icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 18, 2009 6:33 AM GMT
    Well, I've learned a few things from this thread. I'd never heard of Housewives of New York City. I thought perhaps the OP wasn't from the U.S. and meant Desperate Housewives, but I should have just googled it immediately.

    But what does it mean to frequent 16 handles?
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    Mar 18, 2009 6:45 AM GMT
    ActiveAndFit said
    promo_valentine09.jpg
    http://www.pinkberry.com/html/pbmain.php
    If you ever come to California, lad, I will treat you to pinkberry icon_biggrin.gif


    Sign here please.

    I will buy Sedative frozen yogurt if he ever finds himself in California.

    ___________________________
    Your signature over printed name


    I'm holding you to that. LOL icon_biggrin.gif For a minute a thought pinkberry was another obscure gay slang. icon_razz.gif
  • Thirdbeach

    Posts: 1364

    Mar 18, 2009 6:49 AM GMT
    Self help, don't try this alone.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Mar 18, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    theatrengym said

    But what does it mean to frequent 16 handles?



    20080908_line_560x375.jpg

    makes its california counterpart feel like a third world subsidiary..but the real deal's in chinatown. shame, bit of a treck.
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    Mar 18, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    kaccioto said
    theatrengym said

    But what does it mean to frequent 16 handles?



    20080908_line_560x375.jpg

    makes its california counterpart feel like a third world subsidiary..but the real deal's in chinatown. shame, bit of a treck.


    Sigh. I do miss New York sometimes.


    I'd never heard of it.

    And I don't think I've ever had frozen yogurt.

    Perhaps the next time I'm in that neighborhood, I'll try it. But I'm guessing I'll have forgotten by the next time I'm down there.

    I've learned two things from this thread!
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:32 AM GMT
    Sedative saidSign here please.

    I will buy Sedative frozen yogurt if he ever finds himself in California.

    hancocksignaturesm.jpg
    ___________________________
    Your signature over printed name


    I'm holding you to that. LOL icon_biggrin.gif For a minute a thought pinkberry was another obscure gay slang. icon_razz.gif
    There ya go!!