Gay Curious?

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    Mar 19, 2009 8:22 AM GMT
    Hey guys, some of you may know me some may not. anyways i come with a genuine question, first off im not insecure i fully like being gay and im openly out with everyone for a couple of yrs but for the past few months i've been going in circles about the fact maybe im not fully gay as I once thought. Make no mistake i do like guys for sure and i guess i was excited by the fact i was different but now as i date guys i also happen to notice women, not just checking them out but also catch them checking me out and i keep looking back like i do with guys. I don't know i feel so confused over the past few week it's become so strong that i've changed an unused gay profile i had on plentyoffish into a hetero profile just so i can check out women and maybe date them instead of just looking at them.

    am i going nuts? does this happen amongst any of you?


    would love to know.

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    Mar 19, 2009 1:34 PM GMT
    Well I'm bi so umm...yeah I understand it, but I don't think that's the kind of answer you were looking for.

    My suggestion is to ask your self the same question but reverse the sexualities. If it were a previously straight man who caught himself catching glimpses of guys and wondering, what would you suggest to him?

    Sometimes it can work both ways. I've talked to a few gay men who've been in the same boat. Some of found it rewarding, and others not. You don't know until you try.

    I thought the whole point of gay liberation wasn't just about liberating gays, but everyone from societal expectations concerning sexuality. Have we just replaced one form of oppression for another so that a gay man is now uncomfortable with the mere possibility of not being 100% gay or feels pressured to be 100% gay?

    I'm not trying heap anything on you. But it looks like you've been liberated, so why not live free?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    pretty much just sounds like that seuxally you are Bi -- and that is not that uncommon.
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    Mar 19, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    I'm definitely "straight-curious" but have just never done anything about it. Sexuality is a spectrum, so I say do whatever works!.

    The real test is the emotional connection -- if you see yourself in a few years with someone, are they male or female?
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    Mar 19, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    Yep, especially at the beach!icon_redface.gif
  • dionysus

    Posts: 420

    Mar 19, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    you might just be enjoying the attention, and not the actual women. do you actively seek or do you just respond to being checked out?
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    Mar 19, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    thebestofbritish saidHey guys, some of you may know me some may not. anyways i come with a genuine question, first off im not insecure i fully like being gay and im openly out with everyone for a couple of yrs but for the past few months i've been going in circles about the fact maybe im not fully gay as I once thought. Make no mistake i do like guys for sure and i guess i was excited by the fact i was different but now as i date guys i also happen to notice women, not just checking them out but also catch them checking me out and i keep looking back like i do with guys. I don't know i feel so confused over the past few week it's become so strong that i've changed an unused gay profile i had on plentyoffish into a hetero profile just so i can check out women and maybe date them instead of just looking at them.

    am i going nuts? does this happen amongst any of you?


    would love to know.



    uhhh.. ive been going through the exact same thing... im sort of freaked out.... i keep thinking... "maybe i can be straight..."... or bi at least.... but im scared ot try anything with a girl lol... i dont want to get involved with something only for it to turn out horrible
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    Mar 19, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    i always wonder why gay guys get scared of liking women. if you do, you do. no better way to find out other than try something. i experimented sexually and dated girls until i figured myself out. it was fun, and raging hormones help when you are 14, 15, but it's very rare these days that i'd be turned on by a woman sexually, although it happens.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Mar 19, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    Good question.
    First of all, the fact that you recognize and aknowledge these feelings is great. You will get alot of conflicting information from the posts here - take only what applies to you and go from there.
    Many quys will post the usual stuff - "you are bi, go for it, try it out, see what happens, you are young, it is a phase, etc". I will bring up the follow, maybe just maybe these feelings / urges you are experiencing are a man's innate drive to find a female to reproduce with? I am not saying it is right or wrong, i am simply posing this as something to think about. I beleive that in order to truly understand what might be going on at this point in your life - you have to have an open mind and look into all the possibilities.

    It is all good.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Mar 19, 2009 4:03 PM GMT
    I've wondered what it would be like with a woman as well but have'nt done anything about it either so you are not alone.Really as far as sex goes there is no right or wrong as long as you do no harm.If you do try things out with women noone will know but you.So just go out there and have fun regardless of the sex of who you have it with icon_biggrin.gif
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Mar 19, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    For those guys that are questioning their 'gay' sexuality, I would urge going to see a professional. Hire a hooker and play with her for awhile to figure out if you like it or not. No harm, no foul if it doesn't work out.
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    Mar 19, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    twentyfourhourslater said
    I beleive that in order to truly understand what might be going on at this point in your life - you have to have an open mind and look into all the possibilities.

    It is all good.


    I agree with this. I believe that human sexuality is, in fact, very fluid - it's not set in stone. So I am gay, that is my leaning. Others may be bi, or straight, or pansexual or asexual - there is opportunity within our being to be all kinds of sexuality.

    Unfortunately, due to the way we are educated from birth, the idea that we can explore our sexuality freely and without discrimination has been severely eroded. This is why we fight so hard for gay rights. The truth is, we really shouldn't have to fight for a right to be what is essentially a human variant that we have no control over.

    You should do whatever it is you feel you want to do, as long as you are careful not to hurt others or yourself in the process.
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    Mar 19, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    I went through a similar thing at 25.
    It started out with me getting wood thinking about nude women, then I was waking up horny having dreamt about sex with women and soon I was masturbating thinking about sex with a woman.
    I was floored and not sure what to do with my new "urges". I mean, I knew I was gay but I definitely wanted to have sex with a woman.

    So around that time I went to Atlanta to visit a friend and we were preparing for a night out with a bunch of friends of his. One of the girls was incredibly likable and attractive and immediately put me at ease. She knew I was gay as we had discussed it already. Later that night, she kissed me in a harmless way and it led to other things. I had a great time with her and the sex was actually pretty great. There wasn't awkwardness because I wasn't misrepresenting who I was.

    After I got home, the dreams stopped and the heterosexual fantasies vanished. (for the most part)
    Sexuality can be confusing but as long as you are safe and open and honest about your intentions, you should feel free to explore and not feel pressure to conform.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    I understand what you are saying. I have also been curious about sleeping with a woman but I am just not sure how to go about it without messing with someone else's head.
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    Mar 25, 2009 5:13 AM GMT
    thanks for the input guys will need reflect on it, maybe i just have occasional phases of this sort, its weird.
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    Mar 25, 2009 5:23 AM GMT
    I have been in this situation too. I have never gotten real involved with a woman though because I was afraid the emotional commitment would not allow me to decide what I really want .. oh well icon_confused.gif
  • caliboy

    Posts: 81

    Mar 25, 2009 5:31 AM GMT
    You aren't the only one that has experienced that. It's kinda a weird feeling to want both but after you try both for a while; I grew fonder of the boyz. I still find woman attractive and all that, but I take the boyz for the long haul. Have fun finding out what’s best for you… just don’t hurt anyone.
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    Mar 25, 2009 5:36 AM GMT
    thebestofbritish saidHey guys, some of you may know me some may not. anyways i come with a genuine question, first off im not insecure i fully like being gay and im openly out with everyone for a couple of yrs but for the past few months i've been going in circles about the fact maybe im not fully gay as I once thought. Make no mistake i do like guys for sure and i guess i was excited by the fact i was different but now as i date guys i also happen to notice women, not just checking them out but also catch them checking me out and i keep looking back like i do with guys. I don't know i feel so confused over the past few week it's become so strong that i've changed an unused gay profile i had on plentyoffish into a hetero profile just so i can check out women and maybe date them instead of just looking at them.

    am i going nuts? does this happen amongst any of you?


    would love to know.



    Dude. Don't sweat it. Sexuality is all over the place. If you're looking for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, you will probably get it. Gay, bi, straight, are all around us in nature. It's just part of living. Whatever your's is just go with it (as long as it's not hurting others) and move through life. It's a very primal thing.
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    Mar 28, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    Just be who you are and go after what you want. Not always the easiest thing, but be honest with yourself. What you want may change over days, weeks, months or years...and that's ok! People have different needs and different times in their lives.
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    Mar 28, 2009 5:43 PM GMT
    Sex and relationships get boring when they fall into routine. Don't be afraid to explore your sexuality. Just because you identify as gay doesn't mean you can't try sex with women. Try it out. See how you feel. Try it a few more times. See how you feel then.
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    Mar 28, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidSex and relationships get boring when they fall into routine. Don't be afraid to explore your sexuality. Just because you identify as gay doesn't mean you can't try sex with women. Try it out. See how you feel. Try it a few more times. See how you feel then.


    Ditto
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    Mar 28, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    I have way more experience with women than men. I actually have had to let myself open up and explore the gay side which was very liberating but i still get huge urges when I meet women sometimes.( sexually and emotionally)

    "Love the one you are with".

  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Mar 28, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    I'd really agree with ChuckyStud; I think sexuality is extremely dynamic and the idea of it being static is more of a construction, which usually does keep it in place. But yeah, although I say I'm gay, sometimes it'll really prove itself differentley. Like one time I got this really high-school-esque crush on a girl at work, and I think there was something mutual about it. But it never really kicked off so I can't say if I could've done it sexually, but the possibility for it culminating in that scenario was definitely there.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Mar 29, 2009 7:30 AM GMT
    Yea I know EXACTLY what you mean... All through high school I thought if a guy found another guy attractive he is gay. No question about it. I struggled with it, had sex with girls, tried to convince myself I was straight. It's not that I wasn't attracted to girls, I was just still attracted to guys. So I forced myself to accept it and came out after I graduated. I had never done anything with a guy or even talked to another gay guy. After coming out and meeting other gay guys I kinda realized I don't really fit in with most gay guys. I realized now that I wasn't forcing myself to like girls I still kinda did. Now I'm in the same place as you.. confused. I like to think of it as open minded.