Unsure About Sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2007 9:19 AM GMT
    These last few months have been an absolute turn-around for my life... Basically I'm out to most of the people who know me, including my siblings and their SO's, as well as all of my class mates (I'm in college). The only people who really haven't been told are my parents, and that's unlikely to happen for a while.


    But basically I've had several offers from guys lately to have sex with me (guys around my own age--nothing creepy icon_smile.gif ) and I honestly don't know what to do.


    I'm trying not to be too uptight about the whole thing, but I come from a very strongly traditional Catholic family, even though I don't consider myself a Catholic any more.



    So I sort of want to say yes, but on the other hand I've thought about it, and a quick bang isn't really what I'm after.

    Frankly if I'm horny, my hand is quicker and easier than trying to hook up with one of the guys I know. And what I'm 'after', I guess you could say, is more of a relationship and sort of the whole 'holding-hands-and-sharing-stuff-and-having-sex' thing than just a have sex, then run off to whatever class is next.



    I don't think people who would just bang anyone are bad people. I just sort of don't feel like it's my thing to do that... honestly--I don't consider myself more moral, or 'above' people who would.


    I guess maybe I'm a little scared of the idea of having sex, too, but... I don't know.

    Am I the only one who feels that way? Not about being scared, but about not being sure that I want to just have sex with whoever offers and is cute.


    I just turned 19 recently, have never had a relationship of any kind, and have never had sex before, if that gives you any perspective. icon_rolleyes.gif


    I would really appreciate some advice, because I'm sort of torn on this issue. I have one friend in particular who I really like and respect who's urging me to go and sleep with some guys, but I'm just... not really sure. I don't necessarily feel 'pressured' to have sex and 'be one of the guys', but I'm just wondering if it's something that I should get into or not... it's not like I'll be shunned or more welcome whether I indulge or refrain. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2007 10:37 AM GMT
    SAME HERE !I'M 18 and I never had sex before , I'm not religious or too uptight but I feel scared to move forward and have the first sex ... I always ask myself who he'll be or when, where and how .. it's like I want the whole first time to be perfect.. so I don't feel ready for it most of the times .
    Sometimes I feel so horny that I want to do it with everyone who is gay!! :S .. but I don't want to do someting to regret about it later..
    I agree with you that people who look for a "one night stand" or "casual sex" are not bad , after all we are humans and we all have needs ... but too much of it can be harmful and will not make you satisfied . there is nothing more beaUtiful that a real relationship/love with the "one" . But meanwhile,don't be ashamed of looking around and date people.. and go wild sometimes.. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2007 11:04 AM GMT
    I was fortunate in that the first time I had sex was with someone who I was dating (mind you it was like the second date!). We had sex in his bedroom. It was a very comfortable situation. I was 25 at the time and it was great, I felt it was the most natural thing in the world. I could have had sex much earlier, I was propositioned by a cute guy in a washroom when I was 20. I turned him down mainly because I found my feelings for guys scary (this was 1980, things were more negative against gays then). I am sort of glad I did, he probably wanted a quick blow job in the washroom and that would have made me feel awful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2007 4:16 PM GMT
    CoffeeCupNot about being scared, but about not being sure that I want to just have sex with whoever offers and is cute.

    Nothing wrong with that, but the fact is that as time goes on, "those who offer" will grow increasingly less cute.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    You could try dating first... "quick bang" or boyfriend, either way you'll get over your jitters. I was the same way for a while, lol.

    As soon as you've had sex, you'll relax about the idea, but I'd recommend having sex only if you feel comfortable enough to try it.
  • studmixer

    Posts: 4

    Oct 20, 2007 9:49 PM GMT
    Hi,

    I think more and more guys your age are waiting to be in love or at least in a committed relationship. In my opinion I would rather have 1 sexual encounter with somebody that I truly love then 100 sexual encounters with guys just to get off. I think like one of the other posters said, I think everyone fantasizes in their mind on how their first time will be, even dream about it sometimes in their sleep (woohoo for wetdreams, except for having to get up in the middle of the night and get cleaned up and put a clean sheet on.) I know I did. I think what it all boils down to is this.

    Having sex for the first time is scary and unfamiliar territory for most people. Because in America, most kids aren't brought up being talked to about sex until puberty and then they just get "the" talk. I know that I was embarrased to hell and back when I had to tell my son about sex and stuff like how to use condom In America, for some reason, we are programmed when we are young that nudity in public is perverted and morally wrong. And when it comes to sex, because my parents parents didn't tell them anything about sex until their first dance or whatever the words go unspoken by parents until the very last minute.

    Okay, Sorry I went off on that tangent. You have to go with your feelings and just know, whatever you decide, do it because it is how YOU feel, not everybody else around you.

    Good luck
    Joe
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 21, 2007 1:09 AM GMT
    There's no need to rush into sex just for the sake of getting it over with. You sound like you've got your head on straight and know what you want. Don't think you need to do something you really don't want to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2007 8:14 AM GMT
    Sounds like you pretty much know what you want. That's good. Don't settle for less.

    I was (and to an extent, still am) like you. Sex just for the sake of having it has never really appealed to me. Honestly, if I just want to get off, I'll use my hand, thanks. Besides, sometimes sex has this nasty little habit of complicating things, not the least of which are the emotions of one or more of the people having sex. Some guys are perfectly fine with a quick hook up and that's all it is. Nothing wrong with that, but not everyone is into it.

    Be true to yourself... if you feel comfortable having sex, fine. If not, then don't sweat it... it'll happen, and hopefully, it'll be more than just a quick bang. There's no need to rush into it.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 21, 2007 11:47 AM GMT
    I was in the same boat as you when I came out
    I was in college
    Catholic background
    Didn't want the anonymous sex thing

    ...so do what I did
    start dating some guys and let the sex part come naturally
    you're only 19?...so you have all the time in the world
    just don't let people and friends pressure you into something you don't want to do
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 21, 2007 9:53 PM GMT
    Don't just have sex just for the sake of it. Wait and do it with someone you love or at least care about. It will be worth it.

    Anyway as the other guys said, you seem to have your head screwed on, so I am sure you will do what is right for you.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2007 10:18 PM GMT
    Every guy I had ever known while growing up were all pigs. They'd go out and bang a million chicks at one time and brag about it and because of that I often downplayed my own sexual desires trying to convince myself that I didn't want it or need it cause I wasn't a slut.

    I now realize, after numerous guys and god does that sound awful lol, that its not that big of a deal. Of course its always important to be comfortable and just as I'd tell my little sis when that time comes for her, don't be afraid to say no. It doesn't make you weird it just means that you're not ready.

    But also know that despite what you may think, there is still so much you don't know about yourself and they are things that you can only learn with experience. Some people find that as time goes by they're completely different than they thought they would be, which you can discover by having incounters with different people.

    For example I've always considered myself a complete 100 percent bottom, a few encounters have taught me that I am actually more versatile than I ever knew. Now had I been in a super serious relationship without having ever had sex, though I can't wait until I find mr. Right, he would've been a top and I would not have been able to just decide one day that I wanted to switch things up because chances are he wouldn't be up for it.

    I have a friend who's a 19 year old virgin and he's always really torn too, mostly because he feels like he's missing out on this big amazing secret thats going to be so wonderful and enjoyable and honestly its not. Its not that amazing so don't be in a rush, but don't limit yourself out of fear either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 22, 2007 12:42 AM GMT
    Well honestly i started young, my next door nieghbor and i had our own exploits but when i turned 16 i started hookin up online and stuff since i had a car, but the sex was so empty and left me feeling like i gave away apart of myself, but i wanted more because i thought maybe the next time would be better and it became a routine, it wasnt until my first serious relationship which ended last dec did i realize what sex was suppose to be like and since cody i have had sex, not because i miss him, but because i dont want to have sex with someone i dont care about anymore, i want there to be the connection and the feeling that sex is suppose to have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 22, 2007 3:44 AM GMT
    I waited until I was 38. I had a brief encounter around 30, but not sex. I don't regret waiting at all. I waited until someone I really loved, who was really beautiful, was attracted to me, and we took our time. Now my first memory of sex is a wonderful one, and it set a standard that kept me from pursuing anyone who was not up to that standard-- although I dated several, I knew what sex with someone I loved could be like.

    And despite the fact that I was 38, he was hotter than any guy who had ever been interested before, so I wouldn't worry about offers diminishing as you age. As long as you stay in shape and have a good personality, people will be interested.

    So I'd say wait. Sex with someone you love is amazing, but sex with someone you don't isn't really any better than sex alone.

    But when you do see that person who you do feel is a good one, then, don't hesitate.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 22, 2007 6:15 PM GMT
    Cup,

    I think you answered your own question. You def. sound like you're not ready and there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. I'm 38 and still get offers from good looking college guys. I was raised similar to you. It is ok to wait for a relationship to have sex. You don't need anyone's approval but your own. Go with your gut. I'm sure the more guys you talk to the less likely to find that many guys feel exactly they way you do. When the time comes just be safe! Protect yourself from std's and hivicon_exclaim.gif

    Never look to drinking or drugs to solve your problems. I cousel young adults about addiction on week-ends. Everyone eventually wishes they never started. Most ended up doing it because friends did. Next I hear about the unprotected sex they had while they were drunk or high. Not to sound like I'm preaching to you-I just hate seeing young men and women in their teens and 20's with busted faces from drug and alcohol abuse!!!
    You won't be shunned, if so they are NOT friends.

    peace-Good Luck.

    mike3
  • Silent_Angel

    Posts: 63

    Oct 23, 2007 9:55 AM GMT
    Oh dear...Wow...Anon. sex.


    Well i am in the same boat i just now got my first boyfriend in ..what.....August.Well anyway.I met him at a local club and we clicked.but it wasn't "oh you see me i see you .Lets talk" no i was trying to get picked up by a guy with aids who didn't tell me he had aids.so when i tell about how we met i say he saved me froma hiv.

    It is not like they're bad ppl or anything but he asked me if i wanted to be his "boyfriend for the night" if i had not met my bf then i would have slept with him and had hiv .


    Now please don't get me wrong there are some wonderful ppl hwo have hiv.but it is wrong to knowingly infect someone especially if they are young like you or i.


    Wellicon_rolleyes.gif....i guess what i am trying to say is as far as a bf goes you will find your prince charming ...or he will find you...



    P.S. if you have been baptized you will always be catholic.I feel the same way you do about the whole thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 23, 2007 11:05 AM GMT
    God, I guess I'm from the slut generation.
    I was having sex with guys while in Jr. High School.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 23, 2007 1:41 PM GMT
    Anon, there is no right or wrong in this situation, only what is right for you. Some people can only really enjoy sex within the context of love and/or a relationship, whereas others have no problem seeing it as merely a sexual act. Don't let other's pressure you into doing something you're not ready for or want to do. Follow your instincts and I'm sure you'll do fine. As you explore your sexuality you may find that your attidude changes towards it, and that's fine too. Just remember to be honest with yourself, your partner and don't purposely hurt anyone.

    Sex CAN be a scary thing. Emotional issues aside, sadly there are also health issues that can come into play. Make sure you are well-educated in this area, and always play safe. While it is important to know what's what, don't let it overwhelm you. Think of it as "knowledge is power".

    Relax, and when the time is right, and the guy is right, it will happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 23, 2007 1:55 PM GMT
    "if i had not met my bf then i would have slept with him and had hiv."

    Your profile indicates you always practice safer sex. The chances of you becoming infected with HIV from a poz top would have been drastically reduced by the condom he'd have been using.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 24, 2007 2:23 AM GMT
    I can't say it any better than Xanadude, but I think it's worth your reading what he said again:

    "Anon, there is no right or wrong in this situation, only what is right for you. Some people can only really enjoy sex within the context of love and/or a relationship, whereas others have no problem seeing it as merely a sexual act. Don't let other's(sic) pressure you into doing something you're not ready for or want to do. Follow your instincts and I'm sure you'll do fine. As you explore your sexuality you may find that your attidude changes towards it, and that's fine too. Just remember to be honest with yourself, your partner and don't purposely hurt anyone.

    Sex CAN be a scary thing. Emotional issues aside, sadly there are also health issues that can come into play. Make sure you are well-educated in this area, and always play safe. While it is important to know what's what, don't let it overwhelm you. Think of it as "knowledge is power".

    Relax, and when the time is right, and the guy is right, it will happen."
  • asupas

    Posts: 234

    Oct 24, 2007 11:47 PM GMT
    Sounds like you should wait for someone who makes you WANT to have sex. Just be patient and relax - it will happen.

    And for the record - I think almost everyone gets freaked out before their first time.. nothing unusual about that.