is it wrong of me to diss my own kind?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    so im stuck at school right now and i went to the sushi bar and got some sushi, when iw as walking to the cash registers i saw a really gay cashier and a chick cashier so i went with the chick to avoid any ackwardness, well she took forever andt he guy was like "i can help u over here " so i was like wutev im hungry i dont care.

    i got into his line and this even gayer guy came up behind him and started tickling him and being really giddy and like a middle school girl were gigling and just being really really gay...i was really uncomfortable and wanted to just pay and get out of there but he was taking forever taking my debit card . and he just stood there after he swiped my card and i asked "ummm is that it?" and his friend/bf was like "well like duh, unless u want a recipt" and as i walked out i was like dam i hate gay guys. but then i forgot i was also gay and was wondering if im a big hypocrite bc i am gay. any other of u feel uncomfortable around really flamming guys?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 19, 2009 8:30 PM GMT
    I'd be more annoyed they were acting like morons.
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    Mar 19, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    I see the problem:

    Similar to the baby-boom, water is effecting millions...
    "It must be something in the water"

    No longer can gay men, be in the presence of other gay men. It appears that in some cities straights have come to the rescue and offered blow jobs - only to deny it after!

    Until further studies can be analized it is recommended that gay men - Don't Drink the Water!!
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    Mar 19, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    You are probably not like this person in any way other than you both like weiner, and I'm sure you both would go after different varieties of weiner. Thus, I would not classify this guy as being one of your "own."

    I'm not one for trashy public displays in general, and I think that's what you should judge him on. My only caveat, is that you probably shouldn't discriminate against people in general. That's not so good.

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    Mar 19, 2009 8:40 PM GMT
    OK your problem was not with them being gay, but with them being wildly effeminate in an inappropriate context. I strongly dislike inappropriate effeminacy too. JUST DO YOUR JOB YOU MORON icon_twisted.gif

    Don´t worry Mikey.

    icon_biggrin.gif

  • DaToNY22

    Posts: 82

    Mar 19, 2009 8:47 PM GMT
    Personally, I don't mind how anyone talks/acts near me, as long as it isn't negative and towards me. Most of the people that I talk to about effeminate men say: "there is a time and place for that"; meaning that they are purposely over-expressing their "sexuality". However, I know a handful of guys who identify as straight and still perform in an effeminate manner which makes the majority of onlookers assume he is homosexual. On the other hand, if someone is in the company of a very masculine gay man they assume he is straight... this demonstrates one dimension of how sexuality and gender expression walk hand-and-hand. This is definitely a problem and it's creating boxes around people.. I even catch myself at times feeling intimidated by what pop culture reflects.

    Alright, I apologize for the tangent. Hyped up on caffeine and doing a research paper on feminism in the media.

    P.S. You guys should look into the controversy in Vermont over same-sex marriage. It's a mind fuck!!!

    -Tony
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    Mar 19, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    being gay and being effeminate ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

    In a work context like that I would have been annoyed by a cute guy and a cute girl doing the same thing. It´s not appropriate.
  • DaToNY22

    Posts: 82

    Mar 19, 2009 9:08 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidbeing gay and being effeminate ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

    In a work context like that I would have been annoyed by a cute guy and a cute girl doing the same thing. It´s not appropriate.


    Exactly! There is so many degrees of effeminacy that it would be wrong to place a relationship between the two. If it were the case, then there would be a shit load of gay men walking around LOL.
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    Mar 19, 2009 9:23 PM GMT
    Ah Tony21...I could kiss you*

    icon_wink.gif







    *if you were not already in a monogamous relationship with some lucky bastard
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 19, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidbeing gay and being effeminate ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

    In a work context like that I would have been annoyed by a cute guy and a cute girl doing the same thing. It´s not appropriate.


    Ditto. But, it does sound like you might have some internalized homophobia issues going on, too. Why can't a guy act effeminate if he wants to? Why does it affect you? Multiply your reaction a few times, and you a straight guy who is so offended that he wants to bash those gays.

    We've been taught to hate ourselves by society. I think we've all had the sort of reaction you had over one thing or another. But you have to work past it and realize that it's okay for effeminate guys to be who they are.

    Annoying behavior on the other hand, gay or straight, is still annoying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    A jerk by any other name would be as stupid.

    I'm a man, and I like men, but I dislike men who are annoying and offensive. I don't think I'm being a hypocrite for criticizing another man who acts like that, nor am I dissing my own male "kind" in a situation similar to what you encountered.

    Now add GAY to that formula and I don't think anything in the basic logic of criticizing them has changed. They were being gay male idiots, while you are a gay male and not an idiot. Diss 'em all you want.

    Now flaming may be a different issue, that may or may not involve idiotic behavior. Perhaps we get into a matter of degrees here, and changing gay generational norms & perceptions. There's another RJ thread concurrently running that debates whether gays should address each other as "girl" (or gurl if you prefer).

    So far it appears the younger RJ gay generation doesn't like or support it for the most part, which doesn't surprise (nor disappoint) me. Whereas I know lots of older gay men who wouldn't bat a glittery eyelash at the word; it's just an accepted term they use, and part of accepted behavior they have always done.

    Bottom line: be the gay man YOU want to be. I'm actually kinda impressed you have a strong-enough gay self-image that you wouldn't be compromised when confronted with a different, but well-known version of being gay. Do be tolerant, but don't feel obliged to always run with the high-heel crowd.
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    You need to finely tune your snap skills. As soon as your Gaydar (tm) went off and the other guy showed up, slowing down your servicer, you should have said "if you hurry up, i'll let you suck my cock". Then, of course, you reneg on the deal and you're outta there. Suhnap!
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:24 PM GMT
    Initially when I came out a situation like this would make me a bit uncomfortable. But when you live in a community that has so many gay men (my local bank branch has a teller who dresses in drag) you sort of become well blase about the whole thing.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 19, 2009 11:24 PM GMT
    Tony21 saidAlright, I apologize for the tangent. Hyped up on caffeine and doing a research paper on feminism in the media.

    -Tony


    Tony, you da man.
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:27 PM GMT
    I hate this shit too. It's unprofessional. Whether what they did was homosexual, heterosexual, or just childish, it is annoying. This is a big reason why I stay the hell away from Hollister. It's like an afterschool program for overcaffeinated kids with zero social skills.

    That you called out the gayness of it however is rather illuminating (as you intimated).
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:29 PM GMT
    I was very uncomfortable around other gay people, including lesbians before I accepted that I was gay. I always thought "they know, they know, they know".
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    Mar 19, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    MikeyLee13 saidso im stuck at school right now and i went to the sushi bar and got some sushi, when iw as walking to the cash registers i saw a really gay cashier and a chick cashier so i went with the chick to avoid any ackwardness, well she took forever andt he guy was like "i can help u over here " so i was like wutev im hungry i dont care.

    i got into his line and this even gayer guy came up behind him and started tickling him and being really giddy and like a middle school girl were gigling and just being really really gay...i was really uncomfortable and wanted to just pay and get out of there but he was taking forever taking my debit card . and he just stood there after he swiped my card and i asked "ummm is that it?" and his friend/bf was like "well like duh, unless u want a recipt" and as i walked out i was like dam i hate gay guys. but then i forgot i was also gay and was wondering if im a big hypocrite bc i am gay. any other of u feel uncomfortable around really flamming guys?


    Oh absolutely it's wrong! icon_twisted.gif
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Mar 19, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
    I would feel uncomfortable in that situation but I know I don't have to stay there any longer. I'd know the cashier is gay but I wouldn't hate him for being so. The cashier sucked at his job, but you can't hate em for being gay, only for being an idiot.

    Here's some consolation, if those two idiots keep up that attitude and work ethic, their not gonna last long on that job.
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    Mar 20, 2009 2:16 AM GMT
    Flirting at the cash register is inappropriate regardless of what gender or orientation two people are.

    Also, the faux condescending way that some gay guys have about them is also inappropriate.

    I know some very nice men who I'd consider feminine as well. I think the bad ones are the ones trying to latch onto every stereotype and take them into their identity. It's just something that they have to grow out of.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    You had the right to feel the way you did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    Showing sexuality like the two you described has no business in the work place. Unfortunately some think that gay is another term for sex. There is a time and place and that wasn't it.
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    Mar 20, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    Runninchlt saidFlirting at the cash register is inappropriate regardless of what gender or orientation two people are.


    Really? What is this at... college? Were the cashiers work-study? This isn't a professional job. People on work-study usually socialize and do work. at least that is what I see, and in the cafe... what supervisor would waste his/her time lecturing the cashiers how to actin the cafe? This isn't some fancy resturante... it is a college.

    Now on to effeminate behavior... I could care less how they act as long as I paid and was not insulted.

    No offense Mike, but if you are annoyed by effeminate guys, how do we know you were completely unbiased in your description of what happened?

    In order to properly talk about the actions/behaviors of others... I'd have to see it myself in person or by video.

    I would suggest that you try to make friends or accquaintances with a more feminine guy... just so you find out for yourself what they are like. You may not like the same things but you both breathe air, you both ar mortal, and you both prefer dick.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Mar 20, 2009 2:52 AM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 said
    Runninchlt saidFlirting at the cash register is inappropriate regardless of what gender or orientation two people are.


    Really? What is this at... college? Were the cashiers work-study? This isn't a professional job. People on work-study usually socialize and do work. at least that is what I see, and in the cafe... what supervisor would waste his/her time lecturing the cashiers how to actin the cafe? This isn't some fancy resturante... it is a college.


    Does it really matter? It's fine to socialize at work, or have downtime or whatever, but your job comes first. In a customer service role, that means taking care of your customers - focusing on THEM and not your coworkers. You can chit chat when you don't have a customer.

    This happens to me all the time when I'm out at the bank or drug store or whatever, and its rather infuriating.

    And before I get accused of being selfish, my work ethic carries into my own job as well. I want to laugh with my coworkers and browse the forums at RJ and go on AIM or facebook with my friends and take an extended lunch. How professional would it be though for me to do any of those things though if I had a load of work to do?
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Mar 20, 2009 2:59 AM GMT
    MikeyLee13 saidso im stuck at school right now and i went to the sushi bar and got some sushi, when iw as walking to the cash registers i saw a really gay cashier and a chick cashier so i went with the chick to avoid any ackwardness, well she took forever andt he guy was like "i can help u over here " so i was like wutev im hungry i dont care.


    I just don't understand... What do you mean avoid awkwardness? I don't understand the motivation to avoid someone in a social setting just because he's effeminate..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    They other guy found you attractive and wanted to assert his territory. DOH! icon_lol.gif