How soon is "too soon"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
    So I've been seeing this guy for a couple weeks now. We had a class together in the fall and hung out a bit in September and October, but I hadn't heard from or seen much of him until he asked me on a date at the beginning of the month. Today he invited me (actually technically it was his mother, since I spoke to her when she picked up his phone) to go with him and his family to Miami/Key Biscayne in a couple days. He knows I'm a huge tennis fan and his family is going down there for the Sony Ericsson Open so they invited me. I'm unsure of what to do because we've only been going out for less than a month.


    And it got me thinking about how soon is "too soon" to go on a vacation/trip with a guy you've been dating. What do you guys think? Obviously, there are no hard and fast rules about a magic number (whether in days, weeks or months) and it's clearly about how comfortable you are with the idea of going away with them. But, even still, I was wondering how soon you think you would go away with a guy -- and his family, I might add. What are your guys' opinions?
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 21, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    Do what is comfortable for you, and don't take it as an insult if he asks you to slow down, and feel free to ask him to slow down, if you feel he is going to fast. Just say it gently.
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    Mar 22, 2009 2:32 AM GMT



    Good heavens, don't analyze this at all. Just go with the flow; it's all about the
    Happy. If you don't have that you have nothing. Part of your personal future history, my man!

    Love and happiness have no schedule.
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    Mar 22, 2009 4:20 AM GMT
    I've thought about it all night and I really don't see any downside to going. I really like him, his family is super awesome, I love tennis, I've never been to Miami and it's my spring break! So I am just going to go and have a great time. It just seems like the right thing to do, and I don't know why I ever doubted it.
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    Mar 22, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    He didn't invite you-Mom did. He'd look like a bad guy to go against the whole idea. Question is: Do you know his feelings about this matter?
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    Mar 22, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    He asked me a couple days ago, and I sort of took it as a joke -- one of those "just come away with me!" moments. He brought it up again two days later and I realized he was completely serious. So I told him I'd think about it and he said he would speak to his parents about it all. So I'd say he definitely wants me to come.

    As for his mother asking, he was actually super pissed about that. I mean, she answered his phone AND spoke to his new boyfriend for at least 5 minutes. Ha ha. He did say he would have preferred asking himself, but what was done was done.

    And now it looks like I'm going to Miami with him. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 22, 2009 3:15 PM GMT

    Sweet! He has an accepting family. Love that. So she called and she asked you - sounds like her way of letting you know he was serious. Her way of letting you know you're welcome. She cares about her son being happy. She cares how you feel, too (feeling comfortable around her etc).

    So, put that all aside now that it's becoming apparent the 'feel' is comfy and welcoming and have a blast! None of us can see what comes next, if anything at all. It's an adventure, simple and sweet. That's very lucky, you know.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 22, 2009 3:21 PM GMT
    hey

    well since you said it was his mother who invited you....would be better if you just hear it out from him.And for some people it will take just two dates or so to know that they want to spend times together and stuff,so i clealry dont see any reasons why u feel its too soon unless you are comfortable in going with your guy and his family
    all i can say is make sure he also wants you to be there and well rest like they say....go with the flow

    letme know
    icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 22, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    I went on a several days trip within a month of meeting this guy. It was great, and we even visited some of his aunts & uncles who lived in that area. But an unexpected moment came when we were attending an outdoor fair, and ran right into his homophobic older brother & his own family.

    By bad coincidence they had also driven the same 250 miles from the same town as us to be there, and we encountered them at that very place at that very moment, the odds against it being rather high. The obvious question was why had younger, unmarried (and closeted) brother driven all that way with this other single male, and were taking in a Renaissance Fair together. Oh, and to make matters even more ridiculous, little brother was wearing this silly green Robin Hood souvenir cap with a big feather when we all ran into each other.

    I hadn't met them before, but I took the bull by the horns while my BF fumbled, and acted like I couldn't have been happier to get to meet them, asking them how they liked the fair, etc. And dropping into the conversation that I had business in the nearby city, as in truth my BF did (but his only briefly), and I made it sound like we had only ridden down together for convenience, and aside from attending the fair, had separate schedules apart from each other (not at all true).

    But since you've actually been invited by the mother, I suppose you won't run into anything like we did. BTW, where will you staying in Miami? Private home or hotel? Will the sleeping arrangements be potentially awkward? Where you guys sleep might be the only clumsy thing to handle during the trip.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Mar 22, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    Seeing Novak Djokovic playing in person is more than enough reason to go.

    Boyfriend and the beach are just bonuses.
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    Mar 22, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said But since you've actually been invited by the mother, I suppose you won't run into anything like we did. BTW, where will you staying in Miami? Private home or hotel? Will the sleeping arrangements be potentially awkward? Where you guys sleep might be the only clumsy thing to handle during the trip.


    They have a suite at a hotel on Key Biscayne. It's two rooms (each with a king bed), a kitchen and a living room, which has a pull out bed. I really don't want to make things weird by sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend with his parents just in the other room, and my BF seems to agree. So I will be on the pull out. We're both just really happy to be spending that time together and don't really care about sleeping arrangements.



    jlly_rnchr saidSeeing Novak Djokovic playing in person is more than enough reason to go.

    Boyfriend and the beach are just bonuses.


    Djokovic, Nadal and Murray -- any of them would be reason enough. Ha ha. There is no doubt that I am going now. Can't wait!


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    Apr 01, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    Just an update -- it's been a couple days since I got back from Miami with my boyfriend and it was the best decision I could have made. I don't know why I was so worried about it. Thankfully his and his family's delayed flight was not an omen for the entire trip, and we all had a ton of fun. From the first minute to the last there are no awkwardness at all. I only wish it could have lasted longer!
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    Apr 01, 2009 4:28 AM GMT



    *happy sighs from us while we remember our own 'when-we-did-this'*



  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 01, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    I just love a happy ending...