Bar Banter

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 22, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    I have a friend visiting from CA, and we went out last night. Since he's a smoker, I went with him to the smoker's rooftop patio, and it was amazing how easy it was to interact with people since the topic of smoking was immediately and obviously available (I didn't badmouth it, just said I was there just to stay with my friend, etc.), and seemed to branch out to other topics that lasted for a little while at least. It was quite the contrast to my usual bar experiences, where it's hard for me to find anything to talk about.

    So what do guys talk about in bars? How do you start conversations and, most importantly, keep them going? I'm really bad at it unless I know the guy shares academic interests with me, which hardly ever happens. icon_surprised.gif
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 22, 2009 10:27 PM GMT
    I find it strange that my straight friends can have so much more conversation than my gay friends in a bar. With straight friends, we talk about anything from deal-breakers which get really funny to stories that happen in our everyday lives.

    I think gays have trouble because oftentimes conversations go down the path of insulting others or just being overly bitchy or cruisy. "Look at that guy's chest," etc. I like talking about random things like movies or a really good topic is 80's cartoons. I've even brought in RJ forums - imagine that.

    I think bar conversation works only with gays that are a bit more relaxed/less pretentious and who are focused on having fun with friends instead of the prospect of getting some before the end of the night. It's a question of focus if you ask me. Re-examine your surroundings, too (is it too noisy to talk easily? Are there areas that are easier to converse in versus where you're standing? Etc.).
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    Mar 22, 2009 10:53 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 said Re-examine your surroundings, too (is it too noisy to talk easily? Are there areas that are easier to converse in versus where you're standing? Etc.).

    That's always been the root cause of problems in making bar small talk. Thanks to the roar of the music you can't make yourself heard unless you shout into the ear of the guy you're talking to. That pretty much rules out real conversation no matter how extrovert you normally are. To be audible you have to fall back on monosyllabic stuff like the aforementioned "Look at that guy's chest."
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    Mar 23, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    Yeah making non-cruisy small talk at a loud club, which in some areas is the only gay nightlife around, is next to impossible!
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    Mar 23, 2009 3:32 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    dannyboy1101 said Re-examine your surroundings, too (is it too noisy to talk easily? Are there areas that are easier to converse in versus where you're standing? Etc.).

    That's always been the root cause of problems in making bar small talk. Thanks to the roar of the music you can't make yourself heard unless you shout into the ear of the guy you're talking to. That pretty much rules out real conversation no matter how extrovert you normally are. To be audible you have to fall back on monosyllabic stuff like the aforementioned "Look at that guy's chest."


    Yeah, that's true to an extent, but I witness other guys pulling it off, and I want to know their secret. That, or gene therapy to obtain their gift-of-gab gene. icon_twisted.gif
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    May 02, 2009 7:09 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidI find it strange that my straight friends can have so much more conversation than my gay friends in a bar. With straight friends, we talk about anything from deal-breakers which get really funny to stories that happen in our everyday lives.

    I think gays have trouble because oftentimes conversations go down the path of insulting others or just being overly bitchy or cruisy. "Look at that guy's chest," etc. I like talking about random things like movies or a really good topic is 80's cartoons. I've even brought in RJ forums - imagine that.

    I think bar conversation works only with gays that are a bit more relaxed/less pretentious and who are focused on having fun with friends instead of the prospect of getting some before the end of the night. It's a question of focus if you ask me. Re-examine your surroundings, too (is it too noisy to talk easily? Are there areas that are easier to converse in versus where you're standing? Etc.).



    The conversations I hear between many men at a gay bar are truly silly. The tone of their voice......the things they talk about... the "OMG", the "he's hot"........these guys think they are really quick witted and funny, but they sound like 8th grade schoolgirls. I don't understand why so many feel they have to try so hard to fill the air with babbling words.

    On the other hand, there ARE men out there who actually have intelligent fun things to say........send out the signals and they will respond. Naturally, there are guys who might think you are "better than everyone else" because you don't participate in stupid talk. They may think you are above it all.....and they are correct.

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    May 02, 2009 7:15 PM GMT
    Sure you gotta have a good group of guys for lively convo, but the primary prerequisite is geography....the rooftop patio sounds great....any place away from the ear splitting thumpa thumpa.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 02, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    This is a typical conversation in a gay bar

    A guy comes up to me and says something and I will obligatory have to say

    WHAT?

    To which he will repeat what he said to which I will hear or not requiring me to say WHAT? again icon_confused.gif
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    May 02, 2009 7:22 PM GMT
    When I tended bar I would make a point of reading the paper every day. The whole thing. I may have only an interest in international news and domestic politics but I would read the lifestyle section, the sports section, and the dreadful local news. The point was cultivating a working knowledge of a diverse group of topics. That way I could have a conversation with anyone who came up to my bar.

    A diverse group of interests can get you through any awkward conversation with a stranger, even if you only have a limited understanding of them.
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    May 02, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    GQjock saidThis is a typical conversation in a gay bar

    A guy comes up to me and says something and I will obligatory have to say

    WHAT?

    To which he will repeat what he said to which I will hear or not requiring me to say WHAT? again icon_confused.gif


    If I want to talk to someone in a noisy bar, I lean into them and speak normaly. There is nothing worse than a guy who tries to talk to you by speaking loudly over the noise. I don't think people realize how shrill and annoying thier voices can be when they do that, especially when they are sucking on the straw in their drink. Total turn off.
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    May 02, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    My trick is to actually leave the bar. Most of the bars I go to usually give you a stamp so you can get back in, so suggesting a walk where you can hear things usually goes over really well. There used to be a bar here that had a patio where they didn't play music, that was super handy. I don't really go to the bar with the understanding that I should be able to hear anything, it's a given that whatever the person is saying I will misinterpret.

    I know ASL too and I've taught my friends a bunch of basic signs so they can understand me without having to yell over everything. It's pretty basic stuff though.
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    May 04, 2009 5:19 AM GMT
    Hitch your wagon to an extrovert . . . study the habits and byways of the gregarious . . . even an off-the-charts introvert can fake it after a while . . .
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    May 04, 2009 5:45 AM GMT
    Hahahaha - - - - it's been so long since I've been to some of those *rage* places - - - - four levels of dance floors - guys with almost nothing on - dancing in cages high above our heads - lights - techno music - a thousand guys - mostly without shirts - arms above our heads - one square foot to dance in! Memories! All I remember saying in those places was either - "Dance?" or maybe "Want to split?" after moving in really close to the guy - kind of electrifying being that close. The guys would nod yes and smile - eyes shining......and then some of this - some of that. Those are the only gay bars I've really ever spent time in. What a good time those days were.
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    May 04, 2009 7:46 AM GMT
    If I'm with my friends we usually talk about really important things like the last episode of Thirty Rock. Or sometimes we quietly ridicule the hollow cheeked 98 pound twinks trying to look pouty and aloof in their true religion flap pocket jeans and white belts with the t-shirt strategically tucked in right behind the buckle. We probably get more mileage out of that one than is really necessary. Then other times we talk about whether we're over Oprah or love her this week. And then sometimes I get really wasted and start jabbering on about metaphysics, Teilhard de Chardin, Meister Eckhart, Earnest Holmes, Emma Curtis Hopkins, Hafiz and Kabir and people back away from me very very slowly. Then I end up making out with someone who's face I can't remember, but tastes like an ash tray, going home alone, eating a container of Haagen Dasz, watching downloaded porn, masturbating, crying and eventually passing out. The next day I lie to everyone telling them I went home early because I was bored and the music was bad.
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    May 04, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
    I used to just smile and nod (since I could not hear anything else).

    Now, the bar is not worth sacrificing my sleep.

    Btw GS, I love Hagan Dazs ice cream.icon_wink.gif
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    May 04, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    26mileman saidI used to just smile and nod (since I could not hear anything else).

    Now, the bar is not worth sacrificing my sleep.

    Btw GS, I love Hagan Dazs ice cream.icon_wink.gif


    I want cookie dough ice creams now.icon_razz.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 04, 2009 7:46 PM GMT
    I'm really not good at small talk. I'm more of a task oriented person.