Interesting topic, especially since I don' "fit " in with the gay world, on many different levels, yet I am stereotypically gay on soooo many others. Like the simple fact that I just said SOOOOOO.
There are thousands of men out there that are quality guys, strong, independent, intelligent, teachers, mentors, brilliant in their own right, and not a single one of them is what I, (or the people making the), "Where are all the quality men" statements, types.
I have been single for my entire existence, with 3 short exceptions, Joanne for 8 months, Brian for about 7 months, and Patrick for about 5.5- 6 months. I don't date very much at all, and have not had a romantic BF type guy since I was 27. I am very rarely attracted to anyone enough to want romance or intimacy with them. The YO dude lets go bump uglies in the handicapped stall kind of attraction is always there, I can be kind of slutty like that, DUH I am a guy after all, sex can be all about just sex. But dating is another story.
I loathe circuity, bitchy mean queens, I have no patience whores and barebackers, and I want nothing to do with drugs. So out of 100 gay guys, that limits me to about 25. Ten of whom are in a relationship, be it open or closed, seven of whom only want a friend with benefits, 1-2 are married to women, three are COMPLETELY out of my league, 6 can't stop talking about thier sobriety, 22 of them are fellow bottoms, 3 are closet alcoholics, 2 live in the same building that I do, 5, I slept with in my 20's, 8 are over weight, 14 are over 50, and nine have little dicks. AND, inevitably, the only one that I think is cute, is completely not interested.
There are a ton of great guys out there. If you are looking for THE one, good luck. I doubt I will ever find him. I personally feel that sites like Manhunt, gay.com etc are detrimental to healthy and positive relationships. No matter HOW you approach someone on there, its a sex site. Even I have fallen for the trap of, HEY lets be friends!! (and maybe I can get you drunk and we can make out, because thats the only way I am going to get you naked and in my bed). PLUS the whole gay guy mean girl thing, please bring it!!, I love a good fist fight.
I have maybe 5-6 close friends, straight, gay, male and female. I look for passion, good souls, creativity, spontanaeity, openness, JOY, and energy. I fall a little in love with each of them, and I take what they have to give, and like to think that I give back what I take. I think your friends find you, small sections of the same souls combining to form one machine thudding its way through life.
From leather fetishists, to gym bunnies, attitude laden mean queens, to radical fairies, we all have our own versions of quality. Mine are big personalities, gentle eyes and a quick smile, booming laughs, and the ability to live. Want to meet quality people? Initiate a conversation with 20 new people a day, and then say hello, or good morning, or HOLY crap its cold out today, the next time you see them. You have to give them a reason to draw themselves to you, and its usually as simple as just saying anything at all to engage them. You can tell in 3 seconds if they are cold, warm, or hot.