GREAT! I will call you for sure. I had a GREAT time!

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    Mar 24, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    How many of you have heard yourself say that to someone? After an "encounter" Or just a chance meeting. You are all psyched up......amazed at who you just met. BUT..........

    You don't call.

    Why?
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    Mar 24, 2009 9:18 AM GMT

    Someone needs to give you a hand on this thread. If I ever do what you describe, it is because I'm scared, plain and simple. I've met this great guy, we click, we appeal to eachother. It's too early to tell, but there is a distinct possibility we could have what it takes to go the distance!

    Naturally, guys get scared and run from this. If this is Mr. Right, all that bitching about one not existing was just drama and of very little significance (we'd have to admit we wasted a huge chunk of time complaining). If this guy could lead to even a semi extended relationship, all that belly aching about our relationships lasting for a week or less and why, would be for naught. And what would become of all the experimental sex we had while searching for the right guy? It would cease too.. We'd be, finally satiated and unable to bitch. (GOD FORBID!)

    LOL, some soothsayers we are, he probably would have turned out to be just great sex and we never speak again. The older I get, the more I'm thinking of fricking calling the guy because this could be the time he turns out to be more than that.

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    Mar 24, 2009 9:34 AM GMT
    It's probably a knee-jerk response to cumming. It has happened to me many times back in the past. I had great sex, got off, thought the sex was amazing and that he was a potential mate ... then the euphoria wore off. I'd often find his number weeks later stuffed in the bottom of my wallet, but by that time I'd had better sex or social experience with someone else, so I'd throw that number away.

    OR, you're afraid of commitment.

    Either way, it always has been, and always will be your call. You'll find it gets easier as you mature. Once you lose that edge, everything tends to start falling into place.

    Man, I'm glad I'm married now.
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    Mar 24, 2009 10:39 AM GMT
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  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Mar 24, 2009 10:41 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidHow many of you have heard yourself say that to someone? After an "encounter" Or just a chance meeting. You are all psyched up......amazed at who you just met. BUT..........

    You don't call.

    Why?



    My guess....he probably wasn't into kissing..... icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 24, 2009 10:57 AM GMT
    Because my bf would be vexed, to say the least?
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    Mar 24, 2009 11:15 AM GMT
    Well, when you do this and the other guy is the LTR, good sex, great guy who would make you happy for the rest of your life...

    he really thinks your an ass because you didn't call and he can't understand why you are so disfunctional and scared of letting something good happen to you. He probably also laments about guys in general for a while because you have reinforced his perception that guys are pathetic at communicating and relationships.

    Then he goes back to hanging out with his fag hag, his mom or friends who he can count on but just doesn't find attractive.

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    Mar 24, 2009 11:39 AM GMT
    I used to go on a date with guys to be polite, I even dated a few guys for a little under a month because I wasn't doing anything else at the time.

    I've been told this is common when dating Londoners (the English in particular)
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    Mar 24, 2009 11:53 AM GMT
    LOL, my line isn't that I'll call, that's too much of a committment, I usually end a date with someone I know that I don't wanna talk to with a

    "Thanks again for the great time, I had a blast, we'll talk soon!"

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    Mar 24, 2009 12:19 PM GMT
    Because there doesn't seem to be a good phrase to tell someone that you're not interested in going on a second date--especially if they seem enthusiastic. It's probably being a wimp, combined with not wanting to hurt someone's feelings.

    I don't think sex has any effect either way. If a guy seems to like me and I know I don't like him romantically, I'm not going to sleep with him. BUT I might tell this lie at the end of the night, to avoid awkwardness or something.

    I'm not saying it's the best or most honest way to go.
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    Mar 24, 2009 12:48 PM GMT
    rugbylondon saidI used to go on a date with guys to be polite, I even dated a few guys for a little under a month because I wasn't doing anything else at the time.

    I've been told this is common when dating Londoners (the English in particular)


    OMGicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif i thought I was the only one that did this icon_exclaim.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 24, 2009 12:51 PM GMT
    danielfromdallas saidLOL, my line isn't that I'll call, that's too much of a committment, I usually end a date with someone I know that I don't wanna talk to with a

    "Thanks again for the great time, I had a blast, we'll talk soon!"



    why say you'll talk soon if you have no intention of ever talking to him again.

    Why not just say "thanks again" and leave it at that?

    To continue to say "you had a blast and we'll talk soon" is giving the guy the definite idea that you are interested in him.

    This sort of crap is what pisses me off with guysicon_exclaim.gif
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    Mar 24, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    I have chalked these "encounters" up to 'part of life'.....
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 24, 2009 12:53 PM GMT
    I've had guys give me their phone numbers online "in the spirit of friendship" of course.... one local guy named "studrider" said he just wanted to hang out and develop friendships with guys he perceived to be hot.

    I don't write the number down.
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    Mar 24, 2009 1:08 PM GMT
    He'se just not that in to you! How many times have we all done something like that. I have done it once or twice when I was younger. Now I just don't give out my number when asked. After going out on a first date or if they ask I just say no because I'm not going to call you. I have never had that problem with a hook-up those ended while in college...never had a taste for them.
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    Mar 24, 2009 1:11 PM GMT

    Hey KissingPro, you said, "You are all psyched up......amazed at who you just met. BUT..........

    You don't call.

    Why?"


    This makes me want to ask why he didn't call you. (The phone works in either direction, right?)heheh


    -Doug of meninlove
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    Mar 24, 2009 1:21 PM GMT
    Agree with a couple of answers here, at least from my own experience. One is fear of rejection, which often plays a part in the decision to follow-up with someone, whether or not we've already had sex with them.

    The other reason mentioned is the decline in the sexual euphoria following the sex act, especially the first one you have with him. Some studies suggest humans experience euphoria & strong emotional attraction following sex, as a means of bonding future parents until a child is produced from the union.

    For this reason the "rush" & "high" doesn't need to last very long, just until the evidence of pregnancy appears. If no pregnancy results, the couple may drift apart to mate with others.

    Obviously gay men don't reproduce with each other, but the emotional bonding mechanism from sex may still be present. The speed with which it "decays" following sex can be a function of other attraction factors, and I'd say in general that if it's a very brief, then overall interest & compatibility were never very high in the first place.

    In other words, it was just lust, and keep looking until you find a guy who holds your interest on many levels. It does happen, and you'll know it when he comes along.
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    Mar 24, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    I don't think I've ever said I'd call, and then not called. If I'm not that into the guy - there wouldn't be a first date. Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at deciding whether any new guy is going to be a hit or not.

    Now in my bad old days (one nighters) if I determined there was not going to be any "followup match" then I'd just say something like, "Hey - I'm heading out - thanks for hosting!"
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    Mar 24, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Hey KissingPro, you said, "You are all psyched up......amazed at who you just met. BUT..........

    You don't call.

    Why?"


    This makes me want to ask why he didn't call you. (The phone works in either direction, right?)heheh




    But he was not the one to say that he would call. You were.

    Oh if only the good ole day would return - when a man's word was his bond icon_exclaim.gif
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    Mar 24, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidHow many of you have heard yourself say that to someone? After an "encounter" Or just a chance meeting. You are all psyched up......amazed at who you just met. BUT..........

    You don't call.

    Why?


    Maybe it has nothing to do with fear of committment.

    Maybe it's because you hadn't thought it out. In the heat of the moment, you probably overstated the positive aspects of the meeting/encounter, and with the perspective of a little time, you realize it wouldn't really work out.

    The only mistake you made was to postpone a possible confrontation to a future date. Maybe confrontation is not the right word. It's difficult to find the right words to say "...this was great, but I don't see this going further..." at the conclusion of good sex. It's more expedient to say "...shit, this was great, let's do it again, I'll call..."

    John
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    Mar 24, 2009 5:07 PM GMT
    fastprof said It's more expedient to say "...shit, this was great, let's do it again, I'll call..."

    All of us have been through both sides of this situation. I think it's safe to say that anyone who reads too much meaning into anything said in the immediate aftermath of hookup sex is naive in the extreme. Not that there's a specific intent to deceive, but it's a moment when no one is thinking too deeply about what they're saying.
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    Mar 24, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    fastprof said It's more expedient to say "...shit, this was great, let's do it again, I'll call..."

    All of us have been through both sides of this situation. I think it's safe to say that anyone who reads too much meaning into anything said in the immediate aftermath of hookup sex is naive in the extreme. Not that there's a specific intent to deceive, but it's a moment when no one is thinking too deeply about what they're saying.


    I wasn't approaching this from the hookup sex angle. I don't do hookups! have never done so I have no experience.

    I was more approaching this from the non sexual angle - The chance encounter where you meet someone and hit it off right away.

    Pretty silly I think not to pursue it. And if there's no intent - why make promises to do so...

    I think to do so just reinforces the stereotype that gay men are flakesicon_exclaim.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 24, 2009 5:23 PM GMT
    maybe it's just something polite you say, like when someone says "How are you? and you say "Fine" because you know they really don't care how you are.
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    Mar 24, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    The line I would get is "Your a nice guy, but..."
    If I had a 25 cents for everytime I was told that I would be sitting on my own island in the Caribbean somewhere.icon_biggrin.gif
    When I was swimming in the dating pool I would give them my number and if they called fine and if they didn't, fine.
    That way I wouldn't have to call and leave a message I knew that the chance of getting a reply was extremely slim.
    I learned to accept it as the modus operandi of the gay culture.

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    Mar 24, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    I usually have the initial intention of calling him. However, when the post coital hormones clear I analyze the evening and decide if I was into him just because I was lonely and horny or if I actually did have great time and want to see him again.

    Lately even this is tedious. I figure if I don't go on dates, let alone fool around with anyone, I won't have this headache.