Something Funny to Make You Laugh

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 6:18 PM GMT

    (I don't know how to post links, so I apologize in advance)

    *Also- this is NOT mine... my friend posted it on his facebook and I thought it was funny...

    Here's the article:

    To My Boyfriend and The Guy He's Cheating On Me With - 28 (columbus)

    Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
    Date: 2009-03-22, 1:08AM EDT

    Let me begin by saying that I am not angry and that after finding out who the guy is that you are fucking, well, bravo. He’s hot. I get it, the whole French thing is a major turn on, and to be honest, I don’t blame you. Furthermore, since I know you two search CL for people to join in, I felt it to be the best way to let you know the following before you come bounding home tomorrow afternoon.

    1. I’ve known for about a week now. Contrary to popular belief, I can smell him on you when you come home after a night of “studying,” or, “working.” I wondered what that was. Not cool.
    2. After a brief moment of being really pissed off, I realized that we are living in MY apartment. -Sweet!! As such, your key fob will no longer open any of the outer doors to my building. Your parking pass has been deactivated and security will not let you past the front desk. Furthermore, your access card allowing the elevator to go my apartment has been deactivated. Also, the door locks have been changed.
    3. I have ceased all automatic monthly payments to your bills. You no longer have access to any of my accounts. Perhaps the French guy will take up your student loans. He does know your poor, right?
    4. Your belongings are gone. Since I am a reasonable man, I have moved them into a Self Storage unit. The unit is paid up for a month so you’ll have ample time to get them. The address and combination to the unit have been left with the security guard at the front desk. I couldn’t remember if the stuffed panda was yours or mine so I threw it in with the rest of your stuff just in case. I’m not sure how long the plants will last though.
    5. Security has been alerted at my office and you will not be allowed entry. Don’t try it. Those guys have about 50 pounds on you, and they carry guns.
    6. Anything you have with you right now is yours and I will not look to get any of it back. Just a suggestion though; don’t try and sell my watch. I have the certificates for it and most reputable dealers won’t buy it unless you have the proper documentation. Those that would will probably just take the watch from you, along with your wrist and most of your arm.
    7. The keys to your car are at the front desk as well. Your car will be towed unless you pick it up before 5pm on Tuesday. Although I might change my mind between now and then so, the sooner the better.
    8. I have blocked your number.
    9. I’ve blocked your mom’s number.
    10. I’m keeping the dog. Even though you picked him out, I paid for him. He likes me more anyway.

    In case you missed it, I’m breaking up with you.

    You were good. I had no idea that I slowly became your sugar daddy, which is weird because you are older than I am. How’d that happen?

    Location: columbus
    it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
    PostingID: 1086194520

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 6:27 PM GMT
    Wow, I don't know whether to say I'm sorry or good for you. Either way, you're better off and if your goal was to get a laugh, I got one and not because of anything other then the fact that you posted this on CL!!! HAHAHAHA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    No- this is NOT MINE lol...

    This is something my friend posted on Facebook and I thought it was hilarious icon_smile.gif

    NOT MINE lol... absolutely not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 6:45 PM GMT
    Either way, I got a laugh out of it but you can rest assured if this is real, the guy it's being done to won't be laughing!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    sounds like a best of craigslist post...funny as hell!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:08 PM GMT
    Palm Springs commercial photography

    Palm Springs commercial photography

    Palm Springs commercial photography

    Palm Springs commercial photography

    Palm Springs commercial photography
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:11 PM GMT
    An open letter to Donald Trump
    By Ben Trovato – Durban Poison

    Hey Donald!

    Or should I call you President Trump? It certainly has a magnificent ring to it. Magnificent, obviously, in the way that a tornado heading for a redneck trailer park in, say, Texas, is magnificent. On second thoughts, president is not a powerful enough designation for a man of your caliber. In the parlance you’re comfortable with, president is a pussy word. A lot of terrible people have been and still are presidents. Nixon, Mugabe, that North Korean lunatic, Caligula, Zuma. The list is endless.

    When you win the elections, your first executive action must be to declare martial law. Impose curfews. Roll out the tanks. And forget about the White House. That’s for gay liberals like George W Bush. You need to move into the Pentagon and get fitted with a uniform made of Kevlar and lion skins. Maybe get a bandolier of solid gold bullets to string across your chest. Since you’ve never been to war, you’ll have to make some medals of your own. The centrepiece could be an Iron Cross studded with rubies. Your new title could be something like Field Marshal or, even better, Führer. You will also need to declare yourself President for Life. The sooner the proletariat know where they stand the better it will be for you. In fact, don’t let them stand at all. That just encourages the swine. Keep them on their knees.

    Like you, I, too, am something of a racist, sexist, homophobic misogynist. You’re a professional, though. I simply dabble. This is why you’re going to be the most powerful man in the world while I remain the most powerful man in my house. I live alone. Hopefully that will change once you bring me on board as your chief advisor.

    One of the reasons I want to work for you is because you’re not an intellectual. You tweet while others read. You talk first and think later, if at all. Thinking is heavily overrated. Winners like you act purely on animal instinct. The only point of having an opposable thumb is to help you sign cheques and death warrants. And pull triggers.

    Speaking of which, how are the boys? The last time I saw a picture of Donald Jr and Eric, the naughty little scamps were holding up bits they’d hacked off wild animals while hunting in my country. Does Eric still have the elephant tail? I bet he uses it to whip his boyfriend’s ass when they’re home alone. Fair play to him.

    I would vote for you in a heartbeat because you are so full of brilliant ideas, among other things. Your notion that America should ban all Muslims was a stroke of genius. Are you really a genius or did you just have a stroke? I apologise. This is not the time for jokes. Not that there ever really is a time for jokes. Jokes are for losers.

    I also applaud your stance on climate change. If the climate has a problem, then the climate must change, not us. We were here first, right? That’s the problem with the environment. It’s always doing something dramatic to get our attention. Worse than a needy child. When you’re in charge, I hope you punish it with loads of pollution.

    Well done on winning New Hampshire, by the way. What was second prize? Vermont? In South Africa, we can’t be trusted to nominate a presidential candidate of our choice. This is done for us by others. We’re not entirely sure who they are. Some say they are extraterrestrials similar to the giant prawns in the nature documentary District 9, only less articulate.

    You have much in common with our president. Well, just the one thing, really. You both lack any sense of shame. I think that’s because you both have a background in reality television, except Jacob Zuma who has no grasp on reality and doesn’t watch television. Not the news, anyway.

    Big Don, you have this one in the bag. Your nearest rival in the Democratic camp is Hillary Clinton. As you know, she has strong and weak points. Her strong point is that she’s a woman. This is also her weak point. You have nothing to worry about there. Nor do you have to worry about Rubio and Cruz. Goddamn immigrants. Them rummed-up Cubans are worse than them mommy-jabbing Mexicans, I tell ya. Once you’re done bombing the shit out of ISIS, bomb the shit out of Cuba. Then turn it into a giant theme park. Like Disneyland but without all those homo cartoon characters. And have guns. Lots of guns.

    Also, you need to replace your Supreme Court judges with the people who run your casinos. Justice is a gamble and you’re a five-card stud. With the law in your pocket, nothing can stop you. Scrap the states and make it one big America. Rework the pledge of allegiance. Replace the word “God” with “Donald Trump The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived”. And take out that nonsense about liberty for all. It just confuses people.

    How was your Valentine’s Day, by the way? Did you give your daughter something special? I bet you did, you old rogue, you. Well done. The family that sleeps together stays together.

    Looking forward to seeing you set some serious snares on the ol’ campaign trail. That ancient commie bastard Bernie Sanders is bound to stumble into one sooner or later.

    And good luck for South Carolina. My advice is not to bother going after the darkie vote. They probably haven’t forgotten that slavery business even though god knows they’ve had long enough to get over it. No matter. The Evangelical Protestants are gonna lap you up. Sorry. That sounds a bit faggoty. You know what I mean.

    Anyway. I’m your biggest fan. Can I have a million dollars?
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:24 PM GMT

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2016 1:25 PM GMT
    Something Funny To Make You Laugh

    And it did make me laugh. Thanks! If a legitimate story, some chump really stepped on his dick. Because it sounds like the ex foolishly tore up a first-class meal ticket. Assuming the author was tolerable as a BF. Sure sounds like he was well-off, and rather erudite, suggesting an expensive education and upbringing.

    Maybe the one the ex cheated with is fixed even better, and wants to take him in. Otherwise, the cheater may have screwed himself big time. And I never have any sympathy for cheaters.