AAHHH :(

  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 24, 2009 8:15 PM GMT
    So I've been going out with this guy for over a year.

    And we were like really seriously in love.

    We were gonna move in together when I graduate.

    And its been hard because he goes to college in another state.

    And we recently have been getting into fights a lot but they always work out.

    And from March 12-21st I went on a trip with my school, and wasn't allowed to bring my phone.

    But my boyfriend said we would talk every night on the hotel phone.

    But when I barely heard from him all trip, I thought something was up.

    Then when I came back late on Saturday the 21st, I had a text from him telling me that he wanted to break it off, and that it wasn't me it was him, and that we shouldn't talk for a while until things calm down.

    Then on Sunday night he IM'ed me and explained to me what was happening.

    At one point my dad found out about us, and I wasn't able to talk to him for a while.

    My dad thought he was too old for me and forbid me to go out with him anymore, but of course I still did.

    But for a while we could only talk for short amounts of time in secret, which completely contrasted the 4 to 5 hours we would talk every day before being caught.

    And apparently when we couldn't talk much, it was too hard for him so he started trying to get his mind off of me.

    He said he started losing that obsessive passionate love.

    That was in the summer.

    And apparently he just realized it now.

    So its over...



    I have no idea what to do.

    I'm so in love with him.

    He said Monday, yesterday, that if we get back together that he knows he will just wanna leave again because he thinks hes just a "lone ranger".



    I honestly want to dieeeeeee.
    You have no idea how attached I am to him.

    We were like full out in love.

    And I'm just so blind sighted by this.

    Pleaseee help I'm so overwhelmed and I honestly don't think I can handle this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 8:46 PM GMT

    Times like this, I call in my two favorite boys...
    ben-jerrys-cherry-garcia-7316.jpg

  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 24, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    Yeah...

    I wanna bet that I WILL.
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Mar 24, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    You'll always remember him as your first love. And more likely than not, you will obsessively think about him for awhile. It's possible that something will remind you of him every day for the next few years. People have their own way of grieving and moving on, and sometimes it takes longer than others. Just trust me on this, though: Time really does heal all wounds. You won't forget him, but eventually thinking about him will no longer cause ANY physical response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    jprichva saidYou're 18. Wanna bet that by the time you're 19 you won't even remember his name?

    That's not really fair. I had my first serious boyfriend at 19 and not only do I still know his name, we still keep in touch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    What I really meant was that all these intense feelings will fade, even if the OP doesn't believe that right now.

    I agree, and from experience, I'll vouch for that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 10:10 PM GMT
    Love hurts. The pain you feel is a pain that is as old as humanity. Where do you think all the great music, art and poetry comes from?

    Stay with it, man. Don't give up. This will now become part of your story. Maybe you'll write a song about it. Maybe something else. But don't give up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2009 10:25 PM GMT
    So let me break this down for you stranger. This boy of yours has a lot of problems from what it looks like. He seems insecure of himself, maybe anger management problems, and "other" problems.

    I think during many breakups people are more concerned how the other is doing and dwell from it. I think you need to start recognizing how you feel and work on it. Your a cute kid, I'm sure you've got friends to help you through this.

    If you have any oppurtunities to go out with other guys, DO IT! It will show you how great other guys are opposed to you sitting home and mourning over a breakup which you never deserved anyway. In the meantime put the love you gave into your boyfriend into something else, like friends, family, education, hobbies. Good Luck, btw you seem familiar. Wait no, my friends a ginger. icon_biggrin.gif
  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 25, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    GNR7600 saidWait no, my friends a ginger. icon_biggrin.gif


    Haha Eric I'm not a fucking ginger.











    Ughhhh okay yeah you guys are all right.

    I just...

    Okay this sounds really, really corny.

    But I honestly thought for some reason that we were never gonna break up.







    I feel really really stupid.

    And yeah DanielQQ I think that time will make it better, but I honestly cannot imagine myself coming to a state where thinking about him does not cause any physical response.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:13 AM GMT
    Learn how to properly form a paragraph, and I might care enough to actually read what you wrote;

    And...

    And...

    And then...

    And...

    And...

    But...

    And...

    And then...

    But...

    And...

    And...

    And...

    And...

    And...
  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 25, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    Thanks.. you're helping a lot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:20 AM GMT
    I've been where you're at, excluding all the family drama, many a time. The best thing to do is move on and perhaps go on a date with someone else even if you know it's not the right time. Once you see that there are tons of other prospects out there, it wont feel as bad. As time goes by, you'll eventually realize just what a mess he was and a waste of your time and emotions it became. "Lone Rangers" are all I seem to find - they don't want ANY drama in their lives and really just want a friend they can feel up...nothing more. I know - that's all I've seemed to end up dating. They are fearful, shallow, and quite frankly just cowards. Don't waste your time. I know you love him and want him so badly, but you'll soon realize just how valuable your self-respect is. Good Luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:21 AM GMT
    It is totally acceptable to kick, scream, yell, fume, or anything. Losing love is painful and lonely. You have every reason to cry, because you are hurt.
  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 25, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    looknrnd saidI've been where you're at, excluding all the family drama, many a time. The best thing to do is move on and perhaps go on a date with someone else even if you know it's not the right time. Once you see that there are tons of other prospects out there, it wont feel as bad. As time goes by, you'll eventually realize just what a mess he was and a waste of your time and emotions it became. "Lone Rangers" are all I seem to find - they don't want ANY drama in their lives and really just want a friend they can feel up...nothing more. I know - that's all I've seemed to end up dating. They are fearful, shallow, and quite frankly just cowards. Don't waste your time. I know you love him and want him so badly, but you'll soon realize just how valuable your self-respect is. Good Luck!


    Aaah yeah you're right, I'm just afraid I'm gonna end up using somebody else just to get over my ex boyfriend though. A guy asked me to go on a date with him Friday... I think I'll go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    brianstephens said
    looknrnd saidI've been where you're at, excluding all the family drama, many a time. The best thing to do is move on and perhaps go on a date with someone else even if you know it's not the right time. Once you see that there are tons of other prospects out there, it wont feel as bad. As time goes by, you'll eventually realize just what a mess he was and a waste of your time and emotions it became. "Lone Rangers" are all I seem to find - they don't want ANY drama in their lives and really just want a friend they can feel up...nothing more. I know - that's all I've seemed to end up dating. They are fearful, shallow, and quite frankly just cowards. Don't waste your time. I know you love him and want him so badly, but you'll soon realize just how valuable your self-respect is. Good Luck!


    Aaah yeah you're right, I'm just afraid I'm gonna end up using somebody else just to get over my ex boyfriend though. A guy asked me to go on a date with him Friday... I think I'll go.


    You don't have to sleep with him. Just don't go on a ton of dates and then come out with the I'm not ready bit. As much as it seems like you're using someone or wasting their time, it really is the only definite way to get past these feelings as soon as possible. A couple first dates with some decent people and you'll be feeling better about all of it.
  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 25, 2009 12:29 AM GMT
    icon_confused.gif

    Okay I'll do it. Blahh this is hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
    BradySF saidIt is totally acceptable to kick, scream, yell, fume, or anything. Losing love is painful and lonely. You have every reason to cry, because you are hurt.

    Well said. icon_neutral.gif
  • brianstephens

    Posts: 96

    Mar 25, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    I'm too like depressed to do any of that.

    Haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:35 AM GMT
    brianstephens said he wanted to break it off, and that it wasn't me it was him.

    Anyone who uses this breakup line is so shallow he deserves oblivion. Unfortunately it will take a while for you to accept this.
    When you have learned what you need to learn from this episode, you'll appreciate it all the more when you meet someone who is able to love you in an adult manner. There's a good reason why the person you think you're in love with at 19 is very different from the person you love when you're 30.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    You can also sit with your pain. You can do something with that pain or just notice it. It is acceptable, fully acceptable, to cry until love returns to you. Whatever reaction comes up, whatever you choose to do, you are so right to do so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    Gosh I well remember. My first real love. Or what I perceived as my first real love. I thought I would never get over it, and I would love him until the end of time.

    Now I look back, and see all the shit I took.

    I now have two wonderful husbands. The wait was well worth it.

    As hard as it is. It's time to move on, and if you have not in a years..........
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 25, 2009 3:15 AM GMT
    You're a mess.
    But, seriously, call a suicide prevention hot line in the city where you
    live (or a city close to where you live). GOOGLE IT ........................NOW.

    Then, call the number.
    There's nothing you could tell them that they haven't heard before.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2009 3:26 AM GMT
    You don't need a suicide prevention number, you need a shoulder to lean on (friends,family, rj), some sleep and most of all time. icon_wink.gif
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Mar 25, 2009 3:29 AM GMT
    NakedDevil saidLearn how to properly form a paragraph, and I might care enough to actually read what you wrote;


    Seconded. Thats really fucking annoying.

    And on-topic- your already going on a date with another guy? Your not as in love as you think.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 25, 2009 3:54 AM GMT
    Umm, this doesn't sound like it was an ideal relationship. The two of you live in different states. He's older (and the way you phrased it, much older). Your dad is somehow in the picture...

    Seems like you're in high school, living at home, and you're carrying some internet/phone relationship with a college kid/older man in another state. I don't really see how this can be a complex relationship, especially when it includes the fact your dad forbade you to speak with him.

    This isn't to discount what you're feeling at the moment, but it seems when you have a few more years under your belt, you'll realize this relationship was far from what you envisioned it to be.

    We all go through first loves, and they affect us like no other because they are our first exposure; however, they often are more intricate in our minds than they are in reality due the fact there is nothing to compare it to. For instance, you are all bent up on pining about this guy and your love for him... but now you're going out on a date? Reality check, you're either deluding yourself into thinking you're fine, or more likely, you are being dramatic with this and your proclaimed feelings aren't as deep as they are in your mind.