Polar Relationships/Sereodiscordant Relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 1:17 AM GMT
    I started dating my boyfriend about four months back. About a month in we found out he was HIV+ during a routine checkup and had been for almost five months. We are currently still together and we both are giving our relationship a shot. However, as one can imagine the stress on both of us is pretty great. Thankfully he lives in NYC so there has been a plethora of medical and mental support for him. On the flip side I have thus far found few resources for the negative partner is a discordant relationship. Does anyone have a similar experience or know where I can find support?

    P.S. Im in northern NJ but in NYC once a week.
  • Hagan_F

    Posts: 210

    Mar 26, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    Albright,

    I am not sure of where you can find support for yourself however, in the NYC/NJ area there has to be a Gay Men's Health Association of some sort that should be able to assist you. I have to say to you that I think you are very noble and it is a great testament to your chararcter that you are giving your relationship a shot after such news, I personally know of several men who couldn't get out of the door fast enough once they found out the guy they had been seeing tested positive. On the flip side, I have two very close couples that are sero opposits and they have been together for many years. Congratulations. I hope you do find the resources you seek and I wish you both a long and happy "marriage".
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    Mar 27, 2009 1:08 PM GMT
    Ok, so what are you worried about? Dont mean this to be catty, but just questioning what are your concerns.

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    Mar 27, 2009 1:15 PM GMT
    The LGBT center on West 13th Street has or had groups and seminars for couples and for the HIV- partner. They have a lot of resources available or at very least can point you in the direction of more resources/information.

    Braking the Cycle is the annual fundraiser for the Center and its HIV programs. Consider doing the ride this year from Boston to New York. With the diverse group of people on the ride you will certainly meet many people whose experiences will be helpful to you.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 28, 2009 1:45 AM GMT
    sfinboston saidOk, so what are you worried about? Dont mean this to be catty, but just questioning what are your concerns.



    I think it is a legitimate concern. He should be able to talk to qualified people about the situation. If the relationship goes the distance, he could find himself in a caretaker role at some point. Also he should get information on how he can prevent getting infected as well. Why souldn't there be support for partners of people with HIV. I think you should contact GMHC in NYC and ask them.
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    Mar 28, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    My partner and I have been going strong for 11 years 3 months. The biggest strain I find is the side effects of the meds. Lack of sleep is the main one, which causes me to get run down (I am battling a cold as I type this). There is no reason why a serodiscordant relationship cannot work.
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    Mar 28, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    I agree w/ SurrealLife, there are a lot of HIV couples. My partner and I have been together for 12 years. He has been pos for 16 years. HIV is part of our lives, but only a very small part.
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    Mar 28, 2009 10:34 PM GMT
    One of my best friends is a physician specializing in HIV. (I've mentioned him before on certain threads). He tells me most all of his patients are doing just fine on their meds - many for over 15 years. Those who are not doing well for the most part, he says, are those who don't take their meds and live unhealthy lifestyles. I would not have a problem meeting / dating / being in a relationship with a guy who is HIV+ at all - as long as he is doing all he can to be healthy. If, sometime in years to come - he needed my care, I would absolutely be on board for that.
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    Mar 28, 2009 10:34 PM GMT
    One of my best friends is a physician specializing in HIV. (I've mentioned him before on certain threads). He tells me most all of his patients are doing just fine on their meds - many for over 15 years. Those who are not doing well for the most part, he says, are those who don't take their meds and live unhealthy lifestyles. I would not have a problem meeting / dating / being in a relationship with a guy who is HIV+ at all - as long as he is doing all he can to be healthy. If, sometime in years to come - he needed my care, I would absolutely be on board for that.
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    Just saying thanks to all who replied. I'm glad there are those who don't think I'm nuts for trying! Have a good weekend all!