How many Christians does it take...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 7:22 PM GMT
    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic: Only 1
    Hands are already in the air.

    Pentecostal: 10
    One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None
    Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15.
    One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

    Episcopalians:3
    One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

    Mormons: 5
    One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

    Unitarians:
    We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

    Methodists: Undetermined
    Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

    Nazarene: 6
    One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    Lutherans: None
    Lutherans don't believe in change.

    Amish:
    What's a light bulb?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    As I was reading this, I thought to myself...is he going to include the Amish? And sure enough, you did. Love it!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 26, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    How many feminist girls does it take to change a light bulb?









    That's womyn and that's not funny.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 26, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    cute icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    Metropolitan Community Church (MCC): Nearly 100. One to change the bulb, accompanied by a full chorus, orchestra, stage lighting & sound crews, and projection screen operators showing touching scenes of lightbulbs & lambs.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:06 PM GMT
    Jews: None. What's manual labor?
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Mar 26, 2009 9:07 PM GMT
    Trinity United Church of Christ: zero

    Jeremiah Wright makes a whole sermon about the burned out light bulb.


    GOD DAMN THE LIGHT BULB!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:17 PM GMT
    ROFLMFAO!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    I see this a few years ago, and still find it funny.
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Mar 26, 2009 9:34 PM GMT
    Very funny.
    But sadly, we Presbyterians are boring even in jokes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:38 PM GMT
    That is great. When I first saw the title I though, great more bashing, then when I read it I burst out loud. As a Lutheran, you could not have hit the nail on the head any better!

    Thanks for sharing, it's funny.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 26, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    Better question is, how may Pattisons does it take to change a light bulb?
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:51 PM GMT
    samerphx saidlol you forgot Orthodox Christians... I guess I am not on the list.



    No one forgot, son...YOU are on a much different list...
    icon_twisted.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    not funny to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    samerphx saidlol you forgot Orthodox Christians... I guess I am not on the list.

    Dont Orthodox Christians battle the other christians over who has stewardship of the light bulb? .....And the light bulb stays unchanged for 1000 years. .... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Mar 26, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    What about Quakers???icon_evil.gif
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    Mar 26, 2009 10:03 PM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidDont Orthodox Christians battle the other christians over who has stewardship of the light bulb? .....And the light bulb stays unchanged for 1000 years. .... icon_rolleyes.gif

    That would be right
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Mar 26, 2009 10:11 PM GMT
    ROFL!!!!!

    SO true. so true!!!
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    Mar 26, 2009 10:18 PM GMT
    Rowing_Ant saidWhat about Quakers???icon_evil.gif

    icon_exclaim.gif
    See this site: http://www.quaker.org/chestnuthill/lightblb.htm

    How many Quakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    That depends. If the lightbulb is in the meetinghouse, then it takes the whole meeting, and 3-9 months.
  • Tyinstl

    Posts: 353

    Mar 26, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    mikes39 saidJews: None. What's manual labor?


    whoa now
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    Mar 26, 2009 10:35 PM GMT
    Q: How many jews does it take to change a light bulb in a synagogue?

    A: CHANGE? You vant we should CHANGE the light bulb? My grandmother donated that light bulb!!!




    (If this is offensive to jews, let me know. It sounds funny to me.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    mikes39 saidJews: None. What's manual labor?
    Hmm....last I checked, Jews aren't Christians so not sure they're into light bulbs!
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    Mar 26, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    Amusing. But slight error with the Baptists. It's not fried chicken, its roast lamb slices. I should know. I'm a Baptist. icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 26, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    Muslims: None.
    They'll just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.