How do you deal with your bi-polar lover?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2009 11:16 AM GMT
    I met my best buddy with benefits at a gay party almost two years ago. There was instant chemistry on all levels. After a short time of being together, he confided that he had bi-polar disorder, including anger issues, multiple personalities, suicidal tendencies and depression.

    To make things more interesting, he had only gotten out of a 12 year relationship four months before meeting me, and did not want another relationship, which I understood. But soon, we both began developing deep feelings for each other. He would mention marriage and living together, then back off. We were in a relationship, then we weren't. He did not want monogomy...but we were both jealous if the other was with another man. From the start, we have been honest with each other, but often what he says will not go along with how he behaves toward me. He is afraid of love, because of horrible things that happened to him as a small child, and as he grew into a man, and found his love betrayed.

    I soon told him that seeing him was like dating 9 different men..the number of personalities he and his therapist have discovered. At one time, he had more, but is now down to that number. He replied that at least i had found that out..his ex-partner had never made that association.

    He takes seroquel, trazadone and lithium, but hates how it makes him feel, and often gets away from it. And he cannot attain a proper erection when on his meds, so skips them when we are going to be together.

    The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotions and confusion for both of us. There have been many times when he will say or do something hurtful toward me, then apologize, and i know that it is not the guy that cares for me that is speaking or reacting.

    Is such behaviour normal for a bi-polar relationship? If so, please give any advice you can. I have tried to find bi-polar support groups in the area, but have had no luck, either heterosexual, or gay-oriented.

    Sometimes, I get tired of trying and I think that I should just give up and walk away..but then i look at him and find myself so lost in him, cannot even think of such action. And even during our worst moments, he works with me to stay together. I care for him deeply, and know he cares for me, also. And I am not like all the others in his life, that have expressed their feelings, then walked away. And I don't think that he fully realizes that, even though i have shown him, repeatedly, that i am there for him, no matter what.



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    Mar 28, 2009 11:46 AM GMT
    my mother is bi-polar.. its not something that gets easier, its not something that gets better... a lot of bi-polar people don't like there medication, many say they take it when they don't..

    personally, from what I've seen, I don't believe I'd have the strength to develop a long term relationship with a bi-polar person..

    having said that, I know that some bi-polar people can be the most intensely beautiful people you'll meet, filled with a passion, intensity and freedom you rarely get to experience else where, but it can come at a high price..

    I don't think you'll find a great people of people on here equipped to be able to help you in this situation, but I hope there are at least a few.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Mar 28, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    I don't like taking mine.


    Why?
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    Mar 28, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    Love brings massive joy but it also 'bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things'.
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    Mar 28, 2009 9:20 PM GMT
    Fitnhot - my x of 10 years was/is bio-polar...

    I understand what you are saying -the relationship was very draining on me emotionallyand psychologically.

    He could never make a decision and when he did it was wide range of emotions attached to the issue at hand.

    This was amplified because he did not always take his meds.

    I realized this at an earlier stage in our relationship and thus, moved on and bought my own home, as we never lived together.....Yah after 10 years. He could never make that decision to live together.

    But being a committed guy and in love - I stayed the course hoping he would stabilize and take his meds on a regular basis ..he never did.

    It ended almost 2 years ago....it was for the best.

    So yes - you have an extra challenge in your relationship and it can be draining..I wish you all the BEST!
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    Mar 28, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    fitnhot saidI met my best buddy with benefits at a gay party almost two years ago. There was instant chemistry on all levels. After a short time of being together, he confided that he had bi-polar disorder, including anger issues, multiple personalities, suicidal tendencies and depression.

    To make things more interesting, he had only gotten out of a 12 year relationship four months before meeting me, and did not want another relationship, which I understood. But soon, we both began developing deep feelings for each other. He would mention marriage and living together, then back off. We were in a relationship, then we weren't. He did not want monogomy...but we were both jealous if the other was with another man. From the start, we have been honest with each other, but often what he says will not go along with how he behaves toward me. He is afraid of love, because of horrible things that happened to him as a small child, and as he grew into a man, and found his love betrayed.

    I soon told him that seeing him was like dating 9 different men..the number of personalities he and his therapist have discovered. At one time, he had more, but is now down to that number. He replied that at least i had found that out..his ex-partner had never made that association.

    He takes seroquel, trazadone and lithium, but hates how it makes him feel, and often gets away from it. And he cannot attain a proper erection when on his meds, so skips them when we are going to be together.

    The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotions and confusion for both of us. There have been many times when he will say or do something hurtful toward me, then apologize, and i know that it is not the guy that cares for me that is speaking or reacting.

    Is such behaviour normal for a bi-polar relationship? If so, please give any advice you can. I have tried to find bi-polar support groups in the area, but have had no luck, either heterosexual, or gay-oriented.

    Sometimes, I get tired of trying and I think that I should just give up and walk away..but then i look at him and find myself so lost in him, cannot even think of such action. And even during our worst moments, he works with me to stay together. I care for him deeply, and know he cares for me, also. And I am not like all the others in his life, that have expressed their feelings, then walked away. And I don't think that he fully realizes that, even though i have shown him, repeatedly, that i am there for him, no matter what.





    There are 7 BILLION folks in the world. This one is a no-brainer.
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    Mar 28, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    Trying to hold together a relationship with a bi-polar guy can be one of the most taxing / heart breaking situations you can imagine. The person is either UP or DOWN. When they are up - you are wonderful in their eyes. You get an A+ from them - they think you're a star. When they are down - you are awful, wrong, an ass, a horrible person in their eyes. You get an F- and you can't say or do anything to bring them back around......at least for a few days. They can throw things at you, scream obscenities at you - they act like they hate you at that time. It is hard - very hard to be around the teeter - totter lifestyle. I did it once because the guy was terrific when he was in what I call *Mood A* but he was truly a different person - when he was in *Mood B* and the thing to remember is this: Things will not change - he will always be UP or DOWN. Your life hinges on whatever mood he is in when you walk through the door at night. I don't think I can do it again.
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    Mar 28, 2009 11:42 PM GMT
    The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotions and confusion for both of us.

    Sounds about par for the course. Have you ever considered counseling or therapy, and not just for him, but for yourself as well, or maybe even some couples therapy?
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Mar 29, 2009 12:58 AM GMT
    I have a bipolar buddy who is also bisexual and borderline schizophrenic, and hot as hell. I love him to death but I'd never take him on as a lover. I don't have the stamina for all of that.
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    Mar 29, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    I want to thank those that have made comment, and those yet to enter the forum. It is good to know that i am not alone in what i am experiencing. Some may say, drop the guy and find someone else. Not ready for that. He is not trash, to be thrown out when times get rough. He is a very dear,special man, and deserving of my love and support, even when his disorder makes him difficult and confusing to deal with.

    My heart goes out to those that suffer from bi-polar disorder, and to those that love and support them. It is a wonderful..and horrible..challenge. God give me strength and wisdom to endure. And to give my buddy, and those like him, peace.
  • EVSF

    Posts: 3

    Mar 30, 2009 12:00 AM GMT
    What I wonder about is how much people who are bi-polar actually respect those who "put up" with them? They can't exactly help much of their behavior so tough love probably isn't the answer yet on some level they have to recognize that they've been allowed to put their partner through hell and still haven't lost them. It's not fair to compare someone who's bipolar to your basic, abusive jerk, but the partners of both types are put on a roller coaster and have tolerated it, which has to send some sort of message about what kind of treatment they'll accept.
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    Mar 30, 2009 5:56 PM GMT
    fitnhot said
    I soon told him that seeing him was like dating 9 different men..the number of personalities he and his therapist have discovered. At one time, he had more, but is now down to that number. He replied that at least i had found that out..his ex-partner had never made that association.



    If you do nothing else for this person, do this: get him to a real therapist. Diagnosis of MPD or DID is nothing more than a hack psychologist's despicable attempt to gain fame and money at the expense of the mental health of his/her patient. It's exploitation and it is wrong.
  • claycub

    Posts: 4

    Mar 30, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    OK..my 3 cents..(2 just won't cut it)..

    40..had a 9 year relationship with Manic Depressive guy...and yep..BI-POLAR was in there. ME...anxiety: Happy GO Lucky guy. Military trained and taken up counseling in College.

    You Mention: Roller Coaster..good analogy...can you ride it? That's the question.

    I AM NOT an expert. but you did ask for suggestions? Tough Love was mentioned. IF YOU CAN be a STRONG willed Husband..not a FATHER..but a "Husband" in the traditional (40's-50's) sense and RUN the house, there is a good chance to make it work. When your man is great..awesome..time to talk..work on things..make plans..realistically..find what makes you both happy..and write it down. This is MANAGING the relationship..when he can communicate..talk. Now..when it goes sour for a while..YOU have to be the STRONGER guy..let him vent if/as he can...he's got his own frustrations..that's cool...he's gotta work his steam out. (insert counseling/hobbies/exercise/ here) Not saying allow destructive nature..but..just don't give him the 'equal share' of your emotions when he is like this. Protect yourself..you know it will blow over. You know what you had before..the sweet side of him..you know he will come back to it. Isn't this that "Roller Coaster" you mention? icon_smile.gif

    MY suggestion is TAKING THE REIGNS of the relationship..coast when you can..get your energy..get your attention from the sweety...then get back to snapping the whip..per se.. when you need to. By openly discussing that this is WHAT will happen..and getting him to agree..he is working on changing his behaviors then too. That's just for ANYBODY..not bi-polar guys only!

    It's a VERY difficult balance. It will take LOTS of energy. DON"T DO IT BECAUSE you think you have to be the 'dutiful' husband. That's not living. That's being a parent/caretaker.

    I have let that 9 year relationship go. I miss it. and I do compare my future relationships to it. good and bad. I have dated a guy who was bi-polar..and using my advice..lasted 11 mos. it worked well. He acknowledged what was going on and did appreciate how I could shoulder his issue when we needed to and then take my break and just enjoy the sweetest guy you would ever know. Then he cheated....sorry..that's my breaking point and a suicide attempt. So when those two things came from the same guy...I was not going to go any further.

    I offer that to you. I hope it somehow gives you an idea of what COULD work. But again, it bears repeating...IF YOU CAN'T DO THIS..then just don't! you have a great friend..and you have been one to him.. maybe..that is what he needs.. He might need to hit a wall..before he can take charge of his own life.

    Brothers, I know some may scoff/scold..just remember..it's ADVICE..not gospel. What worked for me..from me..may be completely crazy or stupid for someone else to try..but...it could be enough of what THEY need also.?! I can only hope it helps.

    Big hugs, some tugs, and God Bless you all!!

    Love, Clay
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    Apr 18, 2009 8:02 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    fitnhot saidI met my best buddy with benefits at a gay party almost two years ago. There was instant chemistry on all levels. After a short time of being together, he confided that he had bi-polar disorder, including anger issues, multiple personalities, suicidal tendencies and depression.

    To make things more interesting, he had only gotten out of a 12 year relationship four months before meeting me, and did not want another relationship, which I understood. But soon, we both began developing deep feelings for each other. He would mention marriage and living together, then back off. We were in a relationship, then we weren't. He did not want monogomy...but we were both jealous if the other was with another man. From the start, we have been honest with each other, but often what he says will not go along with how he behaves toward me. He is afraid of love, because of horrible things that happened to him as a small child, and as he grew into a man, and found his love betrayed.

    I soon told him that seeing him was like dating 9 different men..the number of personalities he and his therapist have discovered. At one time, he had more, but is now down to that number. He replied that at least i had found that out..his ex-partner had never made that association.

    He takes seroquel, trazadone and lithium, but hates how it makes him feel, and often gets away from it. And he cannot attain a proper erection when on his meds, so skips them when we are going to be together.

    The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotions and confusion for both of us. There have been many times when he will say or do something hurtful toward me, then apologize, and i know that it is not the guy that cares for me that is speaking or reacting.

    Is such behaviour normal for a bi-polar relationship? If so, please give any advice you can. I have tried to find bi-polar support groups in the area, but have had no luck, either heterosexual, or gay-oriented.

    Sometimes, I get tired of trying and I think that I should just give up and walk away..but then i look at him and find myself so lost in him, cannot even think of such action. And even during our worst moments, he works with me to stay together. I care for him deeply, and know he cares for me, also. And I am not like all the others in his life, that have expressed their feelings, then walked away. And I don't think that he fully realizes that, even though i have shown him, repeatedly, that i am there for him, no matter what.





    There are 7 BILLION folks in the world. This one is a no-brainer.


    I TOTALLY AGREE. This doesn't sound promising. It's a tough decision to make, especially since you love him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    Maintaining a healthy, mutually rewarding relationship with any partner is hard work - even without one or both partners having a psychiatric illness. I commend you for willingness to struggle with the question of whether and how you can perhaps continue your relationship with a man you love in spite of his mental health issues.

    I have two very good friends with bipolar type two, and a sister in law with chronic debilitating schizophrenia.

    For a while a couple of years ago I was in an intense and breathtakingly great relationship with a wonderful man who has bipolar type two and suffers from severe ptsd related to early sexual abuse. We decided we could not let our relationship go further than it did because we both had a lot on our emotional plates at the time and my friend was unable to commit to entering treatment for his ptsd (which was interfering with his sleep and so mine and generally making life difficult).

    All three of the guys I have mentioned are on medication (Lamictal) for the bipolar disease. Two of them are very compliant with their treatment (they take their meds, avoid substance abuse, eat and sleep properly, etc) and are virtually symptom free. The third guy is fine when he's on meds, etc, but can be downright scary when he decides to go off his meds.

    As others have said,it is unlikely that you partner's illnesses will improve significantly at this stage of his life and, even with treatment and good compliance, there are bound to be ups and downs. Only you can make an assessment of what (if anything) you can ask for in terms of support, commitment to treatment, etc that would make you feel comfortable in a continuing relationship.

    There is a very effective peer support network that operates all over the US. It's called 'DBSA - Depression and BiPolar Support Alliance". Their website is http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home.

    They usually also run groups for partners and family members of patients and they sometimes have sub-groups for GLBT patients and partners. Here's a list of chapters in Indiana. I wish you and partner every success. Please feel free to send me an email if you would like to bounce around any ideas.

    best

    David

    Indiana

    State Organization
    DBSA Indiana
    Contact 1: Mary Halladay
    Phone: (317) 776-3455
    Email: maryhalladay@msn.com

    Ashley
    DBSA Northeast Indiana
    Contact 1: Mary Smith
    Phone: (260) 347-2291
    Email: mmsmith@locl.net

    Bloomington
    DBSA Bloomington
    Contact 1: Valerie Markley
    Phone: (812) 332-7164
    Contact 2: Mental Health America of Monroe County
    Additional Phone: (812) 339-1551
    Fax: (812) 855-6986
    Email: markley@indiana.edu

    Evansville
    DBSA Vanderburgh County
    Contact 1: Arin Norris
    Phone: (812) 426-2640
    Contact 2: Gayle McClarney
    Additional Phone: mentalhealth@sigecom.net
    Email: mhadirector@sigecom.net
    Website: www.mhavanderburgh.org

    Ft. Wayne
    DBSA Ft. Wayne
    Contact 1: Deb Martin
    Phone: (260) 486-2485
    Email: runningbear425@gmail.com

    Greenfield
    DBSA Hancock County
    Contact 1: Karen
    Phone: (317) 755-6543
    Email: dbsahancockcounty@gmail.com

    Greenwood
    DBSA Johnson County, IN
    Contact 1: Janet Uhegbu-Patterson
    Phone: (317) 881-6088 x21
    Contact 2: Valerie
    Additional Phone: (317) 507-8427
    Fax: (317) 881-6058
    Email: juhegbu@mhai.net
    Website: www.dbsalliance.org/johnsoncountyin

    Indianapolis
    DBSA Greater Indianapolis
    Contact 1: John Weymouth
    Phone: (317) 713-6794
    Email: dbsaindy@gmail.com
    Website: www.dbsaindy.org

    Lafayette
    DBSA MHA Lafayette (depression only)
    Contact 1: Jennifer
    Phone: (765) 742-1800
    Fax: (765) 742-2085
    Website: http://www.mhalafayette.org/

    Lafayette
    DBSA MHA Lafayette (bipolar disorder only)
    Contact 1: Jennifer
    Phone: (765) 742-1800
    Fax: (765) 742-2085
    Website: http://www.mhalafayette.org/

    Merrillville
    DBSA Northwest Indiana
    Contact 1: Monika Yover
    Phone: (219) 462-3689
    Mooresville
    DBSA Morgan County, IN
    Contact 1: Christine Howard
    Phone: (317) 831-7235
    Fax: (317) 831-7240
    Email: choward@mhai.net

    Valparaiso
    DBSA Northwest Indiana
    Contact 1: Monika Yover
    Phone: (219) 462-3689
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Aug 18, 2010 6:42 PM GMT
    WHO IS MORE IMPORTANT YOU? OR HIM?

    if you had to choose. simple. hard cold math. you know what you have to do.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Sep 01, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    Dude, bi-polar is always going to be like that...Trust me, I am one. Can't give you any advice on that topic, cause I know how hard it can get, especially for the people around you...icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 01, 2010 11:55 PM GMT
    I dont think Im bipolar, but I have mood swings (Im a cancer) and Im very emotional, however Im aware of them and when Im down, I usually just isolate myself, because I know if I associate with people in a down, Im jsut gonna make matters worse for them... Its very annoying whn people then do come in and expect me to just switch my emotional state around as if it were possibel to control the moon or the tides... it doesnt work that way, so I usually make it explicitly clear I want to be left alone, and if they complain about my mood, I think they can go fuck themselves, the mood swing always passes and after Im fine, its just really annoying when people expect you to ALWAYS be chipper for them
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Sep 02, 2010 12:07 AM GMT
    viveutvivas said
    chuckystud said
    There are 7 BILLION folks in the world. This one is a no-brainer.


    icon_eek.gif

    So what's next on your list? Dump the cancer sufferers? Dump the diabetics? Dump the arthritis sufferers?


    OK, Chuckystud and Viveutvivas: I am somewhere in between you. I have spent nearly 20 years dealing with a roommate that I have finally gotten into counseling and onto meds.

    He has been in jail, rejected by his non-understanding mother--there is no father. He is now a sort of recluse and completely non-productive.

    I am torn to shreds by this. If I kick him out, he will land on the street and be an even worse burden to society because he will probably hurt himself and someone else.

    He is, by the way, straight an highly defensive about his sexuality.

    So yes, I feel stretched beyond breaking. I really agree with you Viveutvivas, but there are some days when I just don't know if I can bear it and Churchystud rings through.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    jprichva saidBi-polarity tends to worsen over time, not improve.
    And li'l tanker is quite right that bi-polars usually dislike taking their meds.

    >gulp<
    >outing myself<

    I don't like taking mine.


    My kid brother is bi-polar and while on meds was far worse. He told everyone 5 years ago that he was stopping his meds. We all were holding our breath. He actually is doing better w/o the meds, while he still has bouts he is able to handle them overall. He knows when he is going through a spell and adjusts, staying in, telling family that he needs "alone time"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 19, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    Break up! Life's too short ;-)
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Dec 09, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    This is very good, generally compassionate advice.
    I hate it when guys say 'give up' 'bail' without knowing the depth of the situation.

    40..had a 9 year relationship with Manic Depressive guy...and yep..BI-POLAR was in there. ME...anxiety: Happy GO Lucky guy. Military trained and taken up counseling in College.

    You Mention: Roller Coaster..good analogy...can you ride it? That's the question.

    I AM NOT an expert. but you did ask for suggestions? Tough Love was mentioned. IF YOU CAN be a STRONG willed Husband..not a FATHER..but a "Husband" in the traditional (40's-50's) sense and RUN thne house, there is a good chance to make it work. When your man is great..awesome..time to talk..work on things..make plans..realistically..find what makes you both happy..and write it down. This is MANAGING the relationship..when he can communicate..talk. Now..when it goes sour for a while..YOU have to be the STRONGER guy..let him vent if/as he can...he's got his own frustrations..that's cool...he's gotta work his steam out. (insert counseling/hobbies/exercise/ here) Not saying allow destructive nature..but..just don't give him the 'equal share' of your emotions when he is like this. Protect yourself..you know it will blow over. You know what you had before..the sweet side of him..you know he will come back to it. Isn't this that "Roller Coaster" you mention? icon_smile.gif

    MY suggestion is TAKING THE REIGNS of the relationship..coast when you can..get your energy..get your attention from the sweety...then get back to snapping the whip..per se.. when you need to. By openly discussing that this is WHAT will happen..and getting him to agree..he is working on changing his behaviors then too. That's just for ANYBODY..not bi-polar guys only!

    It's a VERY difficult balance. It will take LOTS of energy. DON"T DO IT BECAUSE you think you have to be the 'dutiful' husband. That's not living. That's being a parent/caretaker.

    I have let that 9 year relationship go. I miss it. and I do compare my future relationships to it. good and bad. I have dated a guy who was bi-polar..and using my advice..lasted 11 mos. it worked well. He acknowledged what was going on and did appreciate how I could shoulder his issue when we needed to and then take my break and just enjoy the sweetest guy you would ever know. Then he cheated....sorry..that's my breaking point and a suicide attempt. So when those two things came from the same guy...I was not going to go any further.

    I offer that to you. I hope it somehow gives you an idea of what COULD work. But again, it bears repeating...IF YOU CAN'T DO THIS..then just don't! you have a great friend..and you have been one to him.. maybe..that is what he needs.. He might need to hit a wall..before he can take charge of his own life.

    Brothers, I know some may scoff/scold..just remember..it's ADVICE..not gospel. What worked for me..from me..may be completely crazy or stupid for someone else to try..but...it could be enough of what THEY need also.?! I can only hope it helps.

    Big hugs, some tugs, and God Bless you all!!

    Love, Clay [/quote]
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Dec 09, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    I experience manic highs (the good side) as of late over the depressive lows. Which I am thankful for cuz those depressing lows can be like a rollercoaster ride into a brick wall!

    Tho all bi-polars differ, not all of em are a chore. Errr, Maybe a tad--but what gay relationship these days isnt a chore at times?
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    Dec 09, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    The person in the original post sounds like they are describing someone with a multiple personality disorder. They can seem VERY similar.

    But anyway having a relationship with a bipolar person can be hard. I have a bipolar disorder and recently discovered I may have a mild case of OCD. Being in a relationship with someone with any kind of mental illness can be a struggle. I'm not always the best person to be around. Sometimes I am extremely manic and that is when I tend to say and do stuff I normally wouldn't. Then I have lows which are almost like depression but not exactly. They can become depressions. I'm Moody and I news constant reassurance of how attractive I am, how smart I am, how capable I am and the list goes on. I wont take my medication and I refuse to take anything for it. I don't like going to hospitals for help and I. An get pissed off at the top of a hat. I lie sometimes about things to keep people from getting mad at me because of what I do when I am in a mood. I may not sleep for days or go with limited sleep and food. Sometimes my sex drive is insane and sometimes I'm bitchy as hell. It really depends on what day it is.

    But despite all that I'm generally a very loyal person who cares about other people even though it bothers the fuck out of me to say that. I'm very dependable and I love being around people I love because I love attention but I also love being with them and giving them love. I'm very passionate aalns very critical but. Do of because I love too hard and I get attached way too easily and I can be very intense but I will never back away from someone because I am in love with being someones rock. But of course all of that is balanced out by how crazy I am.

    I said all that to say that being with someone with a mental illness will never be easy and many times it may get even worse but if you love that person you will make the effort.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    You deal with by reminding yourself of the following:
    1. There are nearly 7.5 BILLION people in The World.
    2. Is it worth fucking your own life up for one of those 7.5 BILLION people?
    3. Do you enjoy being miserable?
    4. Do you enjoy uncertainty?
    5. Do you enjoy being hurt?

    If you answered no, then your action needs to be to get a different person in your life. There's 7.5 billion to pick from.