DATING A GUY WITH A HANDICAP: Would You? What if the guy has lost a hand or arm? What if SEX is not an option?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 29, 2009 1:17 PM GMT
    Well let me say the other thread I did on "Dating a Deaf Guy" told me alot, but of course anyone can say "yeah I would".

    Let me ask you a serious question.. and I have a personal reason for asking.... Would you date a guy who is missing a hand or an arm... maybe he's an Iraqi War Vet and is missing a leg....
    What if his injury is such that sex is off the table???

    My Dad got his right hand cut off in a meat grinder when he was 18 years old while working in a grocery store. He had to learn to write all over again..
    He went on to graduate from college, law school and was the legal director for a major corporation. He made his handicap NOT a handicap.. and wore a prothesis on a regular basis. It was always weird when a kid asked me,
    "What happened to your Dad" when I was growing up........ I never thought of it as any sort of issue. Who cares?

    So.. considering the shallow behavior of gay men... what if they do have a physical abnormality.. no arm or leg.. or can't have sex. Do you have a "line"???
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    Mar 29, 2009 1:19 PM GMT
    Probably I would be apprehensive to the point of not wnting to date them.
    Especially if sex was an impossibility.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 29, 2009 5:49 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidSweet Jesus!. Yes. Did. 1 year. He had lost his right hand just above the wrist. What is this fascination you seem to have with handicaps? I hope you're just trying to see whether or not we're all a bunch of self-absorbed narcissists?


    Not a fascination.. I just like to see what people say...
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    Mar 29, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    I think this and the previous topic are actually good.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:50 PM GMT
    I would not rule out a guy with a disability - even if it meant no sex. If the guy was right for me - and things were good in other ways - if we clicked and were in love - then I would be o.k. with his disability. I wouldn't rule out an HIV+ guy either. There are tons of ways to stay safe.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:51 PM GMT
    OMG date someone who is physically imperfect? fuck no.. what sort of person do you think I am.. they are a trophy or nothing...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 29, 2009 11:43 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidSweet Jesus!. Yes. Did. 1 year. He had lost his right hand just above the wrist. What is this fascination you seem to have with handicaps? I hope you're just trying to see whether or not we're all a bunch of self-absorbed narcissists?



    Well with my Dad's situation and the fact his brother was blind.. and an attorney as well (actually a judge), both very good looking men.. I've wondered... what if either of them were gay.. would they have been rejects?? I like to pose these questions.
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    Mar 29, 2009 11:45 PM GMT
    I don't count hands, toes/fingers or hearing when considering a relationship, but I probably would count teeth. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 29, 2009 11:50 PM GMT
    pdxboxer saidI don't count hands, toes/fingers or hearing when considering a relationship, but I probably would count teeth. icon_smile.gif


    what havent you ever wanted a gum job haahahahahahaha
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    Mar 29, 2009 11:50 PM GMT
    I dont know about the disability, but if sex was out then no. sorry but part of a relationship is sex.
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    How could sex be off the table?

    That rules out sex in my billiard room, kitchen, dining hall, the park tables,....and I think those stubs could be put to some good use. If the derrière is intact, I do not see the problem even if either of us were to be blind. My answer is sure, no problema.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 30, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    I know it sounds shallow, but if there was no sex I wouldn't want to do it. I don't get sex enough as it is.
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:44 AM GMT
    A missing limb has nothing to do with the character of a person, except that it may make them a better person. Once you know and like a person for who he/she is, a missing limb will not even be noticed. I'll ignore the no sex part, because that would be very rare indeed. LOL !!
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    I seriously think the only thing that would get in my way would be if he didn't have lips or I wasn't able to touch him and it feel natural - skin disease or acid burn victim...something like that. It's not so much disgust, but the sense of feeling pity or concern and the fear of confusing that with a romantic love would be difficult to manage. I'm big into kissing and physical affection. But, lost arms, legs, being blind or deaf...none of that would be an issue for me. As I've probably said on here, I actually like a guy in a wheelchair. Use your imagination...
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:53 AM GMT


    If the person has (subjectively speaking) exceeded the threshold of attractiveness and is the right person, then I think it would not matter if the arm or leg is missing. I don't think you can choose who you fall in love with, even if it means an inability to engage in certain physical activities.


  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 30, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    chungo44 said
    pdxboxer saidI don't count hands, toes/fingers or hearing when considering a relationship, but I probably would count teeth. icon_smile.gif


    what havent you ever wanted a gum job haahahahahahaha


    You haven't had a hummer until you've had a gummer!

    Hehe, ok, seriously now. I had a roommate that had been run over by a train and lost one leg. It took me a while to get used to the stump, and the downsides to prosthetics like blisters and the smell (skin in a non-breathable plastic 'cup' all day...gag), but you get over it. Funny thing was, he was still a person (who knew?), imperfect just like the rest of us!

    If the injury prevented sexual acts, well, that's why god invented dildos.

  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Mar 30, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    A missing limb, I would think, is very easy to overlook in the grand scheme of things.

    I'm more curious if gay men are so superficial as to avoid relationships with people who have progressive disabling disorders, getting worse over time. Knowing that your significant other may have to depend on you at an uncertain point in the future is a lot to handle, a lot of responsibility. I would hope that gay men wouldn't run from that.

    On the bright side, genetic conditions wont' be an issue if a gay couple has children, so that's one less worry.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Mar 30, 2009 2:22 AM GMT
    Chaaxwvn saidHow could sex be off the table?

    That rules out sex in my billiard room, kitchen, dining hall, the park tables,....and I think those stubs could be put to some good use. If the derrière is intact, I do not see the problem even if either of us were to be blind. My answer is sure, no problema.


    Thank you! I agree totally. Sex to me is everything from kissing to anal and everything in between. If all that was ALL off the table....that would be having a relationship with a total vegetable and that probably wouldn't work. But everything else is totally doable. (no pun)
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    Mar 30, 2009 2:27 AM GMT
    silverfox1 said
    Chaaxwvn saidHow could sex be off the table?

    That rules out sex in my billiard room, kitchen, dining hall, the park tables,....and I think those stubs could be put to some good use. If the derrière is intact, I do not see the problem even if either of us were to be blind. My answer is sure, no problema.


    Thank you! I agree totally. Sex to me is everything from kissing to anal and everything in between. If all that was ALL off the table....that would be having a relationship with a total vegetable and that probably wouldn't work. But everything else is totally doable. (no pun)


    I agree with you guys. My friend's husband had a stroke under anesthesia, suffering some brain damage and paralysis. He is now restricted to a wheelchair. Their marriage and sex life are still great.
  • BeNiHiKoU

    Posts: 250

    Mar 30, 2009 8:18 AM GMT
    ... It surely would be unusual for me, but not necessarily a deal breaker!! I hold emotional intimacy to be of greater importance than its sexual counterpart - may be because I sadly suck at the latter!!... I would have to take in account how he deals with/feels about his handicap before going ahead with the relationship... How it affects his social interactions... If his mind and heart are not damaged by his physical handicap, and we truly have a connection and an attraction for one another, then why not?!... Sex, in the end, is just what was written in the thread's title: an option...icon_wink.gif... not a requirement...icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2009 9:24 AM GMT
    I remember chatting with a young guy once who was very hot. Although he was very insecure becasue his right arm war amputated below his elbow.

    His insecurities were sad to hear... it had been a result of his experinece with rejection due to his amputation.

    I didn't think it was a big deal.

    As for those who "can't" have sex.... I say you're not thinkin creatively enough. lol I'm sure muchinzombie would have examples.
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Mar 30, 2009 9:47 AM GMT
    Well, I understand everyone's points on what they say about dating a guy with a PHISICAL handicap, but what of mental?

    What if he's Bi-Polar, has clinical depression, PTSD, Schizo-effective disorder, or even straight schizophrenia? I know mental handicaps can be worse then phisical, and even drive a person out of mainstream society cause they can't live with it...

    But what do you think? Would you date a guy who has a mental handicap? It's not the same, so I feel the answeres wont be either.
  • Mccrae

    Posts: 69

    Mar 30, 2009 9:47 AM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 said
    As for those who "can't" have sex.... I say you're not thinkin creatively enough. lol!


    I agree with cjcscuba1984. There are other ways you can do to satisfy each others need just be creative. So may answer is yes. I won't reject a person due to his disability.
  • santz7

    Posts: 47

    Mar 30, 2009 9:47 AM GMT
    I don think, I would go looking for some body with any fisical problem or an illeness, but if I fall in love, I would let the relation run its icon_biggrin.gif
  • santz7

    Posts: 47

    Mar 30, 2009 9:58 AM GMT
    junknemesis saidWell, I understand everyone's points on what they say about dating a guy with a PHISICAL handicap, but what of mental?

    What if he's Bi-Polar, has clinical depression, PTSD, Schizo-effective disorder, or even straight schizophrenia? I know mental handicaps can be worse then phisical, and even drive a person out of mainstream society cause they can't live with it...

    But what do you think? Would you date a guy who has a mental handicap? It's not the same, so I feel the answeres wont be either.


    Most people who have the disorders you've mention, Also have wives and husbands. So why will be different among gays?????