Why is it so different in America?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 2:25 PM GMT
    I joined this amazing site just recently. What is so striking is the huge difference in gay culture in the USA compared to the UK. This site positively glows with life and enthusiasm. You all seem so comfortable and confident with your sexuality. And of course, irrespective of age, you guys are almost all gorgeous.

    In the UK, gay websites are almost sleazy, the chat room content is often immature, and fitness is by no means as widespread.

    So guys, help me to understand why it is so different in the USA. Thank you.

    John
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    First, thanks for the compliment of this site and these guys. But let me return it. When I lived in Europe for a few years, my admiration for the British was boundless, as it remains to this day.

    I'm unaware of the particular gay disparity you mention, but I take you at your word. So therefore I can only speculate, about something I really didn't know existed.

    Does the UK have the overweight epidemic that the US does? Can it be possible that some in the US focus on fitness & appearance because we MUST, whereas in Europe generally, this plague hasn't struck as hard?

    As for comfort with our gay sexuality, you surprise me. I would have thought that much of Europe was the more liberated, lacking our US colonial Christian and Puritan fundamentalist traditions. Do you have preachers there bellowing from the pulpit, that gays are doomed to Hell, all of us child molesters & perverts, deserving of no civil rights?

    That's what we have here. And the US guys who are OK with being gay, do so despite all the condemnation & hostile legislation directed against them.

    As for our "life & enthusiasm" that's a general US trait, waning a bit now as the exciting momentum of creating a new nation runs down, and the mundane realities of just maintaining a country set in. We Americans still have a cowboy view of ourselves, while the reality is much, much duller.

    But if you ever come to the US to visit us, do make it South Florida, where gays are not unwelcome, and the weather & waters most inviting. Thanks again for your generous words!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    thank you.

    There has been a huge amount of liberalising legislation for gays in the last 10 years in the UK - civil partnerships is an example. Acceptability varies across the country. I guess in London gays are totally accepted ( a mate of mine and his partner got invited to a garden party at Buckingham Palace!) But in other areas such as where I live things very different.

    And yes we do have christian fundamentalists who not only condemn us to eternal fire but also believe our sexuality can be changed.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    devontrainer saidthank you.

    There has been a huge amount of liberalising legislation for gays in the last 10 years in the UK - civil partnerships is an example. Acceptability varies across the country. I guess in London gays are totally accepted ( a mate of mine and his partner got invited to a garden party at Buckingham Palace!) But in other areas such as where I live things very different.

    And yes we do have christian fundamentalists who not only condemn us to eternal fire but also believe our sexuality can be changed.

    The UK and most European countries are way ahead of the US regarding gay rights. You mention your mate, and my own ex-BF met Her Majesty at the Royal Enclosure at Ascot, and also at a garden party at Buckingham Palace. Being himself a Knight of Malta, and also holding a largely meaningless title from Monaco (I think an Earl or something), as a relation to the late Princess Grace, though US citizens cannot legally use in our country such titles of nobility as he holds.

    But back on topic: the US is very backward regarding gay rights among the modern industrialized nations, thanks to Christian & Republican Party influence. And we even have Republican RJ members from the US here, who disparage efforts to secure gay rights, including marriage. If even US gays oppose gay rights, how will we ever see equality?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    "Does the UK have the overweight epidemic that the US does? Can it be possible that some in the US focus on fitness & appearance because we MUST, whereas in Europe generally, this plague hasn't struck as hard?"

    This is part of it I think: in the USA you pretty much have to make a choice to stay in shape, in many places it is impossible to walk anywhere. In the UK there is not quite the same polarization between fit and not fit.

    "And we even have Republican RJ members from the US here, who disparage efforts to secure gay rights, including marriage. If even US gays oppose gay rights, how will we ever see equality?"

    Please, please tell me you are joking. icon_eek.gif These people need pyschological help.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 29, 2009 5:20 PM GMT
    Well first, thanks for the compliments.

    It may be partially your perceptions of reality, but I've always felt we in the US talk a big talk about fitness and the average person puts forth some effort... then goes and eats a meal fit for two and is overweight.... and our
    restaurants feed into the whole process literally.

    Fitness is a way of life, not just something to do several times a week. Many of us here either practice that or are on our way towards that goal through education, lifestyle change and dedication. I'm not sure the American public is quite that focused.

    I do appreciate the comparison. I hope in a year or two you can come back and make the same statement on a thread.

    You didn't say how new you were to the US.. you might let us know.. if you are new.. welcome!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    Hnsm...

    he lives in Devon. UK.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    Devon -

    It's a lot less sleazy than gaydar, but that's down to the concept rather than the amount of Americans on the site.

    I like the concept of the site very much. Remember though, it only appeals to a certain type of queer i.e. someone who is into sports. That's why everyone is so damned hot.
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    Mar 29, 2009 6:30 PM GMT
    2007-05-06--world-fatness.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    Not since that sweet girl named Laura paid us a quick visit has there been such a charitable review.
    Grazi!, Devon

    beauty.jpg

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 8:07 PM GMT
    this website is incredibly niche.. a very very small subsection of america.. it aint all like this..

    I used to be a member of out in the uk (they also had out in australia and so on) filled with british fellas and it wasn't anything like you mention..don't know what its like now though
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    ^ Actually I dig the American-ness of the site. I sometimes wonder if I should be spending more time talking to British gays though. It kinda sucks to meet cool people, you've got no chance of getting a beer with. Ever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    What utter BSicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    Fitness is not a way of life here. Many got into the body dysmorphia thing simply because it was an implicit way of indicating that you were healthy and not ill (ie suffering with AIDS). It has since taken on a life of its own as is wont to do.

    By and large the rest of the world did not buy into this.

    As well I would argue that we in the USA are much more superficial. The packaging accounts for everything

    I find it is easier to make a connection with Europeans than with American men. Especially American white men. Europeans I find have a better sense of self. Americans cover their insecurities and lack with muscle instead of getting to the root of what ails.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:56 PM GMT
    Devon not sure I can agree with you.

    Sure My attraction to here is that it's not purely set up as a sex site, as just about all other homosexual sites are. But it has it's dungeon, but we don't have to go there.

    Maybe it's because I'm an Aussie, and there are so many highly stung left wingers here. I don't solely agree with you.

    I being relaxed,and able to talk about anything, and not take it on, has opened me up to much abuse here. But I will plod on.

    Also with the new blocking option. There is no excuse for abuse anymore, as people don't have to hear what I have to say. So if they choose to hear me, they have not right to get upset, and attack!

    I am me.

    I am one.

    I am a true blue Aussie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:58 PM GMT

    One word:

    hollywood.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    Oh_God saidDevon not sure I can agree with you.

    Sure My attraction to here is that it's not purely set up as a sex site, as just about all other homosexual sites are. But it has it's dungeon, but we don't have to go there.

    Maybe it's because I'm an Aussie, and there are so many highly stung left wingers here. I don't solely agree with you.

    I being relaxed,and able to talk about anything, and not take it on, has opened me up to much abuse here. But I will plod on.

    Also with the new blocking option. There is no excuse for abuse anymore, as people don't have to hear what I have to say. So if they choose to hear me, they have not right to get upset, and attack!

    I am me.

    I am one.

    I am a true blue Aussie.


    Oh for pete's sake. Why is it in practically every post do you boast that you are an Aussieicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    We get iticon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    Do you feel inferior or something: icon_question.gificon_exclaim.gif
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Mar 29, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    Well, I think that the grass is never greener. But I have never been on any sex sites abroad, and I do not visit the bar scene when abroad either, but I would say that once the door closes in Europe, not sex between two people, but the sex scene is more raunchy. In the open, it appears better than the US, but not in private, as a culture. I talk to many men on this site abroad and we have very good conversations. That is my limited view.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:05 PM GMT
    devontrainer saidWhat is so striking is the huge difference in gay culture in the USA compared to the UK. This site positively glows with life and enthusiasm ...

    In the UK, gay websites are almost sleazy, the chat room content is often immature, and fitness is by no means as widespread.
    icon_eek.gif Are you sure you've been reading ALL the forum topics?? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I am good with this site .. well mostly icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    Oh_God saidDevon not sure I can agree with you.

    Sure My attraction to here is that it's not purely set up as a sex site, as just about all other homosexual sites are. But it has it's dungeon, but we don't have to go there.

    Maybe it's because I'm an Aussie, and there are so many highly stung left wingers here. I don't solely agree with you.

    I being relaxed,and able to talk about anything, and not take it on, has opened me up to much abuse here. But I will plod on.

    Also with the new blocking option. There is no excuse for abuse anymore, as people don't have to hear what I have to say. So if they choose to hear me, they have not right to get upset, and attack!

    I am me.

    I am one.

    I am a true blue Aussie.


    Oh for pete's sake. Why is it in practically every post do you boast that you are an Aussieicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    We get iticon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    Do you feel inferior or something: icon_question.gificon_exclaim.gif


    Because I am an Aussie. Not all here from Australia are you know!

    To say I bring this up in just about every topic is a wee egsaduration. Yet it was relevant in this one!

    If it helps you to think I feel inferior. So be it. If it helps you!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    I think that gay people are gay people wherever you go, but we get bored and have a need for fantasizing that somewhere it's got to be better than (whatever city you live in) - then you move there and six months later it's the same old song.

    The major difference within the gay community continues to be a discrepancy in social class and income - those who have it can afford to live in cities such as San Francisco and New York, whereas those who do not have it live in places that are probably 20-30 years behind in terms of gay acceptance and progression. For example, in cities such as San Francisco it's clear and evident that gay marriage is a cause worth rallying for and supporting; in other places you have gay men who have yet to meet anyone - marriage isn't even seen as something that would be possible for them even if it were legalized. Another major difference in the United States (within the gay community) baffles me: the need to separate even more - how many times can you split apart the gay community before you only have one, two or three people per 'group'? If you are this color you separate and have a chip on your shoulder, never allowing yourself to be proven wrong about your prejudices. If your political beliefs differ from someone else's, rather than having a spirited discussion it immediately turns to name calling and defense. My point being, we've separated the community so many times that nobody ever learns anything (because they read, listen and watch only what they agree with) and because of that, the gay community will never be on a 'united' front. Too much education. Too many resources. Too many choices. Not always a good thing.

    I think that if gay people didn't have the attitude they have amongst each other and this need to belittle or one-up each other all the time, we would be a force to be reckoned with. With our creativity, intelligence, cleverness; you name it, but if that were possible it would have happened many years ago in our major cities. Emotionally most gay men never mature beyond a 14-year-old girl. Until all countries raise their children without such rigid gender roles and don't shame their children for being different, they won't develop properly and will continue to be stuck in adolescence, which, as we see, creates a community that doesn't know what to do with each other in adulthood. It's evident in our relationships, in HIV prevention, in friendships, everything.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 29, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
    Troll blocking would be a good idea icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    Oh_God said
    Blackguy4you said
    Oh_God saidDevon not sure I can agree with you.

    Sure My attraction to here is that it's not purely set up as a sex site, as just about all other homosexual sites are. But it has it's dungeon, but we don't have to go there.

    Maybe it's because I'm an Aussie, and there are so many highly stung left wingers here. I don't solely agree with you.

    I being relaxed,and able to talk about anything, and not take it on, has opened me up to much abuse here. But I will plod on.

    Also with the new blocking option. There is no excuse for abuse anymore, as people don't have to hear what I have to say. So if they choose to hear me, they have not right to get upset, and attack!

    I am me.

    I am one.

    I am a true blue Aussie.


    Oh for pete's sake. Why is it in practically every post do you boast that you are an Aussieicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    We get iticon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    Do you feel inferior or something: icon_question.gificon_exclaim.gif


    Because I am an Aussie. Not all here from Australia are you know!

    To say I bring this up in just about every topic is a wee egsaduration. Yet it was relevant in this one!

    If it helps you to think I feel inferior. So be it. If it helps you!icon_biggrin.gif



    La de freaking daicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif Big Freaking dealicon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif

    I'm American icon_exclaim.gif We are all from somewhere icon_exclaim.gif Are you an aborigine, is that iticon_confused.gif

    Yes I exagerated so it's not every post: 3 out of 5 posts is more like it. Sure seems like every post to me though. And you've mentioned that not every one in Oz is from there- many many many times before. What's with you and thisicon_question.gif

    It doesn't help me to think anything. It just puts you in a rather bad light is all. icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 05, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    Not sure which British site you go to. The only one I visit is gaydar and I've never seen so many gorgeous men as that are listed on it. They don't seem overly sleazy to me either.