Chivalry?

  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    So I was having a conversation with a friend about this the other night over Millionaire Matchmaker (ha) and it makes me wonder...

    Do gays have rules of chivalry similar to straights? Should a top hold the door for his bottom? Is it purely 50/50?

    And...

    Do you still do all the stuff like holding doors for women, letting women off the elevator first, etc.?
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 29, 2009 5:24 PM GMT
    Personally, I think women wanted their equal rights so now they've got them. The defense is it still makes them feel special, but if it's a woman, I'm not going to play pretend boyfriend. 50/50 split all the way.

    I do notice that a lot of guys I date wait for me to order first. Perhaps it's the top/btm thing (though, it seems more like I'm vers - who knows?). I'm not sure, though. Door-wise, I think it's 50/50 with the guys.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    Paging Ms Manners.

    I don't call it chivalry, just good manners, to hold the door open for others, let my partner get of the elevator first if it is practical, get up to shake someone's hand, etc. These little rules were made to help get people through new situations while leaving everyone's dignity intact.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    I do as I was raised too.. men hold the door for women, if there are multiple women entering or leaving you pass off to another man as you leave..

    with a guy I'm interested in.. I hold the door open for him, let him order first, let him have the final say of stuff we'll do, pay the bill and be all that well mannered, funny, stuff..

    guys get a kick outta having someone else do that for them too..

    I don't actually see much difference between dating a guy and dating a girl and every gay guy you meet seems to want to be treated like a girl.. so.. I do
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidSo I was having a conversation with a friend about this the other night over Millionaire Matchmaker (ha) and it makes me wonder...

    Do gays have rules of chivalry similar to straights? Should a top hold the door for his bottom? Is it purely 50/50?

    And...

    Do you still do all the stuff like holding doors for women, letting women off the elevator first, etc.?


    I used toicon_exclaim.gif I don't generally do it anymore. I stopped when I approached an old lady to help her up the stairs from the subway (tube for Euro readers). She slouched back in absolute terror -

    Stopped holding doors for anyone pretty much - people waltz thru without even so much as an acknowledgement. Now I just let the door bang in their faces.
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    Mar 29, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    You can look at it from a practical point of view too. If people always let the woman go first then you dont have to go thru the decision process everytime and things just move along smoother and faster.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:03 PM GMT
    Caslon9000 saidYou can look at it from a practical point of view too. If people always let the woman go first then you dont have to go thru the decision process everytime and things just move along smoother and faster.


    Doesn't follow. Women cannot make up their minds. icon_razz.gif. It's better I get off first so that I don't have to deal with them making up their minds whether or not to get officon_exclaim.gificon_razz.gif
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:04 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidDoesn't follow. Women cannot make up their minds. icon_razz.gif. It's better I get off first so that I don't have to deal with them making up their minds whether or not to get officon_exclaim.gificon_razz.gif
    hehehehehe icon_biggrin.gif oh so damned true!
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
    funny pictures
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
    I hold doors open, etc, for women and older people. Actually, I do that for anybody who's behind me. If I'm in NYC and on the subway, and a wave of people suddenly enter, I always offer my seat to a woman. If I'm on an elevator, I generally let others exit first. Just good manners.
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    Mar 29, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    When I go out to eat with women who are dressed very casually, and we're at ordinary places, I don't do all the chivalrous crap, which would look silly, and likely embarrass & annoy them. When I go to formal functions, however, the woman in an evening gown, me in a tuxedo at some upscale place, I omit nothing.

    For one thing, when a woman is elegantly dressed, and possibly holding a clutch, she shouldn't be required to wrestle with a door, or struggle with her chair at table. That would be unseemly. For another, to fail to perform these services would be exceptional, and draw negative attention to myself. It's simply what a gentleman does in polite company, and so you automatically do it, not a big philosophical issue.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 30, 2009 12:29 AM GMT
    On an elevator, it's last one on, first one off..................unless people are getting off on different floors.
    When I'm going through a doorway, I go through, then hold the door for anyone else following me....................unless there's a mob.

    As far as a boy friend or partner is concerned, regardless of whether he's a top or a bottom, I feel that it's my job to do everything I can to make him comfortable and happy. And, I enjoy doing it.
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    bernd saidPaging Ms Manners.

    I don't call it chivalry, just good manners, to hold the door open for others, let my partner get of the elevator first if it is practical, get up to shake someone's hand, etc. These little rules were made to help get people through new situations while leaving everyone's dignity intact.


    Bingo! I don't expect the other half to hold the door just because he'd be classified by some as "the man" in the relationship. Manners are manners and there should be no issue in mutual use. No one should need to be more respectful. Both should be!
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    Yes, being chivalrous, I should hold the door open for anyone.

    I'd even slay a dragon for my boy if it came to that situation.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 30, 2009 12:50 AM GMT
    Being a top, i sometimes hand the towel to my mate after battle..
    Being a bottom, i expect my mate to wipe me down,,then i go into the shower to clean up...
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    It's good manners and plus, when holding a door for an older lady in LA, they often have a look of surprise and actually express their gratitude. Most likely because not many people do it for them anymore. I believe it is a sign of respect, not to just the person, but society as a whole. Although in high school I "dated" a feminist who hated it whenever I would do it for her... haha
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    Mar 30, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    If I wanted binary 1950s gender roles I would have stayed straight.