How do you say Goodbye

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Mar 29, 2009 7:19 PM GMT
    A very dear friend and my first gay Boyfriend died today at 7:30 am
    He'd had a sudden brain seizure last week and had been hanging on ever since
    It was a shock at first
    and when I heard what had happened and saw that if he would have pulled thru
    there would be significant brain damage
    I wished that he'd pass quickly
    It's terrible seeing someone you shared part of your life with like that
    and knowing that you will never be seeing him again
    I'm torn by knowing that he's no longer suffering but then again missing him terribly
    I'm just very sad and depressed over this
    I've had breakups before but this is very different and so final
    I don't know how some of you guys who had lost BF's had ever gotten thru this
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    sorry to hear that... icon_sad.gif

    from this world to the next
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 29, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    Very sorry for your loss GQ. I don't think anyone ever gets over a loss like that, you just learn to live with it. It will get easier in time. Right now you are meant to feel the way you do.

    Take care.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    My condolences to you GQ...icon_cry.gif
    Death is always a duel-edged sword. One of merciful release and one of finality and good-bye. Take comfort in the warm memories you have and the merciful dignity your friend has been given.
    Take Care and go for a nice peaceful walk on the beach or in a quiet park and applaud the gift of a good friend.
  • Richbehr

    Posts: 75

    Mar 29, 2009 7:54 PM GMT
    My deepest sympathies to you. I'm new here and don't know you, but I wanted you to know there are people that care even though they are strangers. I just wish I had some magic words to say that would make things a little easier for you.
    Take care,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    My heart breaks for you, and I wish I could wave a magic gay wand and make it all better. I can't, so just a story:

    My own beloved partner literally died in my arms. My life collapsed, and for the first time in my life, at 55, I became totally nonfunctional, I just fell apart.

    What saved me were our gay friends. I hope you have many, and aren't ashamed to rely upon them. That's what friends are for, and gay friends are the best in the world, as I was fortunate to learn.

    It took many months for me to recover, but I did, as I always knew I would, even in the depths of my depression. Grief is a process, governed by time, and very little else. You will recover when you recover, but you WILL recover. Knowing that fact can be your salvation.

    Experience your grief, which is normal. Know that it will pass, which is also normal. Time heals all wounds. My thoughts are with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 8:43 PM GMT

    My condolences to you, GQJock... instances like this make me want to seize the day and hug someone or at least tell them how much I care...
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 29, 2009 8:49 PM GMT
    Sorry to here that Red.

    He will always be with you, in your heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear that GQicon_cry.gif. But you are still alive, so live life as best you can. It will be tough, but you will survive. All your RJ brothers are supporting you in their own ways I am sure. God bless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    I'm the last one to have any useful advice 'cause I can't take loss.
    Try to concentrate on the good memories you have and enjoy an extra beer in his honor.
    God may not be popular on RJ, but I'll pray for strength...for you and all the friends /family of the deceased.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 9:05 PM GMT
    i am so sorry to hear that.

    i have bought friends the book "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf". they say it helped to make them feel better. check it out.

    mourn and be sad. but the resiliency of the human spirit will get you through this.

    again, my condolencences
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Mar 29, 2009 9:28 PM GMT
    jprichva saidGQ - my deepest sympathy. I have lost five friends in the past 12 months.

    It sucks.

    Sorry to here that also JP.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3176

    Mar 29, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
    You will remember your friend in some many really isn't goodbye.

    My thoughts are with you GQ....
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Mar 29, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    Oh GQ, please do take care of yourself, the heart is one that's longest to heal.

    As you feel torn being the loss and the relief from his pain, please continue to think he is no longer suffering. We are left behind with the pain, but remember that your loved one doesn't want you to suffer. That is NOT their wish for you should know he would wish for you to live on, live life.

    It is hard to say goodbye for it's final., I don't say those words anymore. I say,
    "See you later icon_smile.gif"

    You'll see him again, in small ways here in this world and celebrate the life you had with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear. I too had one of my sweetest former BF's take his life a few months back .. we had been texting and talking on the phone the months before and then it all went silent. All the coulda, woulda, shoulda's -- All I can tell you is I take those things as they come one day at a time.

    And at different times of the year (valentine's, anniversaries, etc Remembering lost loved ones) you find way's of remembering them and loving them from a distance. I mentally hug all my departed loved one's souls as needed, talk to them even, and that gets me through it. I think what I am trying to say is that instead of sending them off to Heaven I house them in my heart .. so maybe I am not loving them from a distance after all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 10:07 PM GMT

    Sorry to learn of your friend's passing. As you mentioned - it is a blessing he didn't linger on. He is in a better place now - and I believe you will see him again someday. All will be well - he is with his grandparents and friends who have passed on before him. We miss those who go - but we will see them again........I really believe that. Hope this helps you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 10:08 PM GMT
    Oh Dear man.......
    I know that nothing can take away those feelings of loss.
    The only way that I have been able to deal with such great loss is just knowing that he is up in a better more peaceful place free of the burdens that the physical body can have.
    And, knowing that he's able to be with you moreso and guide you sprititually through the rest of your time on this planet.
    Hope this didn't come out sounding weird buddy!
    Huge hugs for you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    My greatest sympathies...

    Loss is awful and you will need to be gentle with yourself as you go through it. Let yourself grieve. There is peace and beauty in grieving. Nurture yourself and let those around you be a source of nurturing.

    Please take some solace in the realization that you no longer need to have him by your side to be able to talk to him/experience him and that his perfect energy has been released from it's physical boundaries to further the good of the world.

    My thoughts are with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
    I am so sorry and sadened to hear of your loss. I have been on this site, making use of, and enjoying the forum postings for some time now. It feels like a community of family, and when one member is hurting, if effects others.

    Death and loss are never easy, especially when the one you lose has meant so much in your life. Remember the good times, and feel his spirit surrounding and helping you. You were important to each other..that does not end with death. He will always be a part of you. Cherish the things that he helped you he helped you to grow as a person. Shed your tears, for your heart has been touched, but then Celebrate his life with smiles and sweet memories.

    Think of something funny that he has said, or something that you enjoyed together. Something totally ridiculous..and laugh. For him, and for yourself.

    Best wishes, and prayers for strength
    are with you, bud-

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 29, 2009 10:31 PM GMT
    My condolences GQ! icon_cry.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 29, 2009 10:41 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you GQ.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Mar 29, 2009 10:52 PM GMT

    My condolences to you and a big hug. Each day will be better and a bit easier to handle.

    Take care and regards,

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Mar 30, 2009 1:40 AM GMT
    I'm very touched by all the kind words you guys have offered
    They don't go unnoticed I just came back from a memorial for him with some of his closest friends and neighbors
    and that helped to see that he was loved by so many
    His neighbors are making a plaque that will commemorate a garden with his name
    Thank you guys
    It's hard missing someone you've loved for so long
  • Fusion98102

    Posts: 164

    Mar 30, 2009 1:48 AM GMT
    My sympathies to you. I hope that your pain passes quickly and that you are able to celebrate the time you spent with your friend.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 30, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss.

    Think of a way to honor his memory, if you can.