How do I know if, my best friend is actually my sugar dadddy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 31, 2009 5:18 AM GMT
    Im gonna start off by saying he is my boss. We developed a close friendship when he accidently came out to me( we were at the casino with mutual friends).

    Since that time about 6 months ago he has paid my rent. We have gone on 2 trips to New Orleans. He has trips planned to Cali in April. Followed by Italy and Conneticuit in October. He has also bought me a Wii, a TV. Finally he gave me a car, used but a car.

    Well that is pretty much the situation in a nutshell. I am not sure what to think of the whole situation. We both work for shall I say an entity that forces everyone such as me to remain descrete. So our friendship has recently come under scrutenty for the way it may look. What with the traveling and the going out to eat together and with mutual friends. Nothing has ever happened in the way of sexual. Hell it has never been discussed, other than when other ppl bring it up. The way I feel we are friends but he is unusually generous. He is also alot older than me, but has had to supress his true feelings all his life. So when we are together he seems my age.

    So I am curious what you may think our relationship is? Also an opinion about what should we do about others and our friendship possibly affecting them?
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    Mar 31, 2009 6:07 AM GMT
    your his bitch..

    careful, many people are not altruistic...

    you may have to repay him in some way or another when your so deep you can't swim
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    Mar 31, 2009 6:12 AM GMT
    I've dated men like this. They feel they've lost time and want to make their mark with someone, like having a son or something. I personally was uncomfortable with it and it seems almost Sugar-Daddyish except no sex - I like older men so that was a bummer for me.

    In any case, it's up to you. But, bringing money into any close relationship is never a good idea. I'd consider getting financially independent of him as soon as possible. When it gets to the point that you have to say "No, I'll pay" and he argues about it, just calmly explain that it's made you feel uncomfortable and you want to financially care for yourself.
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    Mar 31, 2009 7:33 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidyour his bitch..

    careful, many people are not altruistic...

    you may have to repay him in some way or another when your so deep you can't swim


    LOL!!

    well wanna find out, go out with some one else and see how all you get dissapear, lol
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    Mar 31, 2009 9:24 AM GMT
    VUandC88 saidIm gonna start off by saying he is my boss...
    Since that time about 6 months ago he has paid my rent. We have gone on 2 trips to New Orleans. He has trips planned to Cali in April. Followed by Italy and Conneticuit in October. He has also bought me a Wii, a TV. Finally he gave me a car, used but a car... Nothing has ever happened in the way of sexual. Hell it has never been discussed, other than when other ppl bring it up. The way I feel we are friends but he is unusually generous. He is also alot older than me...So I am curious what you may think our relationship is? Also an opinion about what should we do about others and our friendship possibly affecting them?


    IF???... also - How much older?

    Why has he begun to pay for your rent, etc? I assume you are working, doing well, and were paying your own way up until that time... What happened to change that?

    I think you do need to sit down and discuss this whole situation clearly and forthrightly. What are his expectations? what are yours? What do both of you you see happening in the future?

    R
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    Mar 31, 2009 9:48 AM GMT
    He...accidentally...came out to you?
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    Mar 31, 2009 9:59 AM GMT

    Are you in the pastry business? He seems inclined to make a tart out of you. Force of habit, perhaps? Not that it's a bad thing... I mean look at me... now at dhirty-fwhore turning dhirty-whive... so ready to settle down. icon_biggrin.gif

    HI, TAPPER!
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    Mar 31, 2009 10:01 AM GMT

    It's not normal to have someone else pay for everything for you, unless you are married, and even then it causes tensions.

    If someone paid my rent and bought me a car, it would be incredibly difficult to say no. I think you should try not to exploit the guy though.

    It's a total timebomb. In a few years (months?) your friend is going to start asking himself why he gives you all this stuff... but gets nothing in return. Then he'll start feeling exploited and resented.
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    Mar 31, 2009 10:08 AM GMT
    Chaaxwvn saidHe...accidentally...came out to you?
    I found that odd too.. it sorta ran through my head about a cock "accidentally" slipping my cock up someones arse...

    Thank gawd that doesn't happen often though
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Mar 31, 2009 10:15 AM GMT
    Chaaxwvn saidHe...accidentally...came out to you?


    EXACTLY!!! how can some1 accidentally come out to u?

    Im gay! shit!!! didnt mean to say that!!

    and uhm, how can he pay ur rent? all of the sudden he just did that or did he tell u? Are u renting ur appartment from him?

    need more explanation
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 31, 2009 10:33 AM GMT
    Sometimes I kinda tired to discuss my relationship with my ex bf, but for benefit of discussion ... My ex is 22 years younger than me. When we are together he live in my house. He is a policemen , have a good job and decent salary. When he is living in my house, I expect him to pay some minimal rental (eventhough I dont really need it). I dont give him any spending money, nor any other monetary assistance and he never ask for it.

    He latter on meet an married engineer (behind my back) who is about my age. This guy is his sugar daddy. He buy him an apartment, help him in getting a car (an unlimited gasoline). He can use cell phone all he want and all expenses will be paid by him. He give him spending money and even help his sibling in getting job in the city.

    One day he told me, he feel obligated to move with this other fellow and have to end our relationship.

    In your case (eventhough there no sex involved), but remember nobody give you anything for nothing. If you are benefiting from all his gift and money, you must be willing to give something in return. It really selfish to keep taking his money , but refusing what he is after . Its best you ask him frankly, why he is doing this. I am sure he either is in love or in lust with you. If you have no problem with such arrangement , then is fine, but if not it best to politely refuse all those kindness.
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    Mar 31, 2009 12:12 PM GMT
    I'm sorry but that's just too damn nice not to suspect something sinister.

    He came out to you because obvisouly he knew youwere gay and now starts showering you with gifts. Yeah. That raises a red flag on so many levels. Sure he could just be happy to have a friend at work who is like him. That's a possiblity. It's also a possiblity that he is doing this because he wants your attention and figures throwing a dollar sign your way is a good way to start. By him doing that it shows that he can support you if you ever wanna take it that far.

    Personally if I was you I would be slightly insulted by such a show of disrespect. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have a person do nice things for you every now and then but given the way it looks by your description of the situation it really sounds like he is buying you off. Before he came out was he ever this nice to you? Did he ever wanna spend time with you and just buy you stuff and take places? This sounds like something completely out of character.

    Unless this guy is getting ready to die and wants to try to live it up inthe last few moments he has on earth then yes I think LilTanker pretty much summed it up and you should be leary and tell your buddy to tone it down a bit.

    Also if this didn't cross anyone's mind like yours yet then here's a thought: HE'S YOUR BOSS. Of course people would suspect something. It's unprofessional and on a grand scale of 1-10 I would call that a definite 11 of sinsiter intent.
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    Mar 31, 2009 12:40 PM GMT
    wow, that's bizarre. not only is it inappropriate to be accepting gifts like that from a mere friend, but its truly inappropriate to be taking them from a boss. i'm not sure who's using who here, and in his case, for what... but the fact that you call this man your 'best friend' is the most disturbing of all. i mean if he weren't your boss, and you two were dating, then if those gifts are part of how the dynamics of the relationship work out, so be it- no shame there. but as it stands, i have no idea what you've got on your hands. looks like a hot mess though. good luck...
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    Mar 31, 2009 12:57 PM GMT
    This is an HR nightmare. It is incredibly inappropriate for this to happen in the workplace - gay, straight, whatever.

    No one pays your rent for six months just to be a nice guy.
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    Mar 31, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidwow, that's bizarre. not only is it inappropriate to be accepting gifts like that from a friend, but its truly inappropriate to be taking them from a boss. i'm not sure who's using who here, and in his case, for what... but the fact that you call this man your 'best friend' is the most disturbing of all. i mean if he weren't your boss, and you two were dating, then if that's how the dynamics of the relationship work out, so be it. but as it stands, i have no idea what you've got on your hands. looks like a hot mess though. good luck...



    yeah, what he said... Exactly
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    Mar 31, 2009 2:49 PM GMT
    andymatic saidThis is an HR nightmare. It is incredibly inappropriate for this to happen in the workplace - gay, straight, whatever.

    No one pays your rent for six months just to be a nice guy.


    Agreed - this has disaster written all over it. Maybe he is trying to 'buy' you, or maybe he feels like it's a way to keep you quiet so you won't out him? I don't know, but one thing is for sure. You better draw the boundaries, and fast.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Mar 31, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    My ex-boyfriend was significantly older and wealthier. So when we were dating, he wanted to pay for just about everything. It was real nice when were just dating and not applying titles, but as I thought about it more, I realized that such unrestrained generosity would mean that we could never really be remotely on the same level. We could never be a partnership of equals.

    Some people (like me and apparently you) treat these kind of things with a certain amount of discomfort. And some people (like my ex and possibly your friend) are simply doing it good-naturedly. But if it makes you feel awkward enough that you have to post it to a forum, it's probably time to tell him that you can handle your own rent.

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    Mar 31, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    icon_confused.gif I've heard of similar situations such as yours, but never one that included a boss. If it were me, I'd be thinking that I'd have to return the favors and gifts in kind. I'd nip it in the bud ASAP and hope that it doesn't jeopardize my job.
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    Apr 01, 2009 12:10 AM GMT
    Well he paid my rent once because he came to a party of mine and threw up on my sofas. Then I caught him smoking in the kitchen, I don't like smoke.

    We have discussed the whole relationship and he told me that I have allowed him to have something no one could ever buy, friendship that allows him to be himself.

    He accidently came out when we were drunk one night with mutual friends and said something. We both have slot of the same friends despite the fact he is almost 50. But he is so young at heart he is just like one of my friends.

    I think the main thing is I don't ever ask for anything he always offers. Even today he called and wanted to go shopping had turn him down. But he needs someong he can be real with for once in his life and he feels I need help more financially. I don't like it all the time but he gets offended when I saw no, he is really sensitive.
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    Apr 01, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    he's buying your friendship. careful.. your arse aint far behind it...
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Apr 01, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    Danger Will Robinson. Danger.

    Uh, end this ASAP. He's 50, if he can't handle being turned down by a 20 year old he isn't mature enough for a relationship. much less one this risky, he's your boss, or involving this much money.

    Abort. Abort.
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    Apr 01, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    You enjoyed it while it lasted.
    Take him out to dinner.....and you pay.


    I realize you are young and enjoyed the free stuff...but now it's time for you to become a better human being and not take advantage of the situation.


  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Apr 01, 2009 12:30 AM GMT
    Why not straight up tell him that you appreciate his contribution, but it's time that you start paying for yourself?

    Someone else said the same thing but you need to talk to your benefactor about this 'relationship' and how you don't like that his your sugar daddy... after he buys you a PS3 of course, and this, and that, if this continues on. And if it does, it'll come back to bite you and its going to be SCARY!
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 01, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    he is paying rent and bought you a car, and you did nothing to manipulate this at all, none whatsoever? Meals and a gift here and there maybe, but I bet, not saying you did, swing this in your favor. If this is a job you want and need, watch your back. You both might be let go. Friendships are free, but nothing wrong if he is buying things for you and feeding you in restaurants if they are above his means, and then you reciprocate with cooking him a meal or contributing, nonsexually, to the relation.

    Is he rich and with no kids, then slightly possible he wants to better the life of someone, rare but does happen,
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 01, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    Sorry, but him being your boss, very inappropriate.