Share a good "gay" Joke

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2007 1:39 AM GMT
    The gay flight attendant was preparing the passengers for landing. He went up the isle and instructed people to please return the tray to an upright position. On his return back to the front to the plane this glamourous Indian lady still had her tray down. He said politly "perhaps you did not hear me mam, but the captain informed me that we are about to land and you will need to fold your tray back in an upright position." She replied, "well I'm a princess in my country and I don't take orders from any one." The flight attendent replied, "Well in my country, I'm a Queen, the Queen rules a princess, So you return your tray now bitch!"
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    Apr 14, 2007 4:13 AM GMT
    Overheard in NYC subway:

    Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.

    Girl: What?

    Guy: What do you mean, what?

    Girl: I thought you were gay.

    Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.

    Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!

    Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
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    Apr 14, 2007 5:24 AM GMT
    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was
    a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
    very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a
    ranch hand.

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good
    job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

    The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her.

    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

    Trembling, he did as she directed.

    "Now take off my boots."

    He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

    "Now take off my socks."

    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

    "Now take off my skirt."

    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra."

    Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
    told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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    Apr 14, 2007 1:02 PM GMT
    Now I can understand why people wanted Imus fired.
  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Apr 14, 2007 5:35 PM GMT
    A young army private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience
    at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper.

    "Dad" he says, "on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black
    sergent standing behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about
    12 inches of hard dick up my ass."

    "Well did you jump?" asks his dad.
    "Just a little at first" answered the boy.
  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Apr 14, 2007 5:36 PM GMT
    Q. What do you call a gay Dinosaur?

    A. Megasuaras.
  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Apr 14, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that
    he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school
    today?"
    "Yes, Mom." replies the boy, "I had sex with my English teacher!"
    The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he
    gets home." Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch.
    Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with
    your English teacher."
    "That's right, Dad."
    "Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for
    some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
    "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Apr 14, 2007 5:38 PM GMT
    Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring
    and good-looking?
    A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
  • canuckdave

    Posts: 85

    Apr 14, 2007 5:40 PM GMT
    Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.
    Lance plans the robbery and goes over the plan with Chad in great detail.

    They drive up in front of the bank, stop the car and Lance says to Chad,
    "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan?"
    "Perfectly," Chad said. He goes in the bank while Lance waits in the getaway car.

    One minute passes, two minutes ...seven minutes pass - and Lance is really
    stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open and out runs Chad. He's got a
    safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.
    The bank doors burst open again with the security guard staggering out, his pants and
    underwear down around his ankles, firing his weapon.

    As the guys drive off, Lance says "I thought you understood the plan!"
    Chad said, "I did exactly what you said!"
    "No, you idiot," Lance growled. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
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    Apr 14, 2007 8:08 PM GMT
    Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

    First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

    Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

    The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
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    Apr 15, 2007 12:50 AM GMT
    This gay man dies and is standing at the Pearly Gates. He could see his lover sitting at a table a distance away and waves and signals him to come over to let him in. There were a few people in front of him as well also waiting to get in. (St. Peter was on his union break I guess.) So the guys love come running over and greets the new people in by asking them to spell the secret word which was "LOVE".

    The gay man was next and hugged his partner. They exchanged some words and the lover asked "what had happend to you?" The guy told him, "Well with your insurance money that you left me, I had one hell of a good time, I never knew there were so many beautiful, sexy, hot, young men out there and wow what a time. Well, This morning I was water skiing and next thing I knew, I was here." "Oh, you must spell the secret work to get in." said the lover. The guy said "and what might be that LOVELY word to get in this paradise" The Lover replied, "Czechoslovakia"
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    Apr 15, 2007 4:32 AM GMT
    OK, every twelve-year-old knows this one,but...

    Four guys are relaxing naked in the hot tub. Suddenly, a huge glob of cum floats to the surface of the water.

    Everyone keeps a poker face.

    Finally, one of the guys looks around at the others and says, "Alright... who farted?"
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    Apr 15, 2007 3:22 PM GMT
    What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?

    A Klondyke
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    Apr 16, 2007 5:34 AM GMT
    As a special treat for his birthday, boyfriend decides to take partner to a sexy gay club, where they have live sex on stage and topless waiters. Partner seems a little nervous, but reluctantly agrees.

    Boyfriend is a little concerned when they arrive, as doorman greets partner very warmly. "Hi Mike, haven't seen you for a couple of days!"

    Boyfriend confronts Mike. "Have you been here before, without me?"

    "No, no, baby. I know him from the gym"

    Sitting at a table, spunky waiter comes over.
    "Hi Mike, just the usual?"

    Boyfriend is getting mad now.
    "You have been here before, haven't you? How does he know your usual drink?"

    "No, baby, no. Honestly. He works at the bar across from my work. He must work here too. I didn't know, truly."

    Stripper suddenly comes over.
    "Hi Mike, want a lap dance like last time?"

    Boyfriend is livid, and storms out.
    "You've been coming here, having lap dances, getting chummy with everyone. I'm going home!!"

    Mike chases his boyfriend out, and the pair get in a taxi, still arguing.

    "All those guys know you, and you lied to me and pretended I wouldn't know. How could you? I hate you!" boyfriend screams.

    Taxi driver looks back and says,
    "Geez Mike, you picked up a right bitch tonight!"
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Apr 16, 2007 6:44 PM GMT
    A fiftyish man is at home happily jumping on his bed and squealing with delight. His partner watches him for a while and then says, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What is the matter with you?!!"

    The man continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care.I just came from having a chest xray and the doctor says I have the pecs of an 18-year-old." The partner says, "What did he say about your 55-year-old ass?"
    "Your name never came up," he replies innocently.
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    Apr 16, 2007 8:15 PM GMT
    Why did the gay guy get fired from working at the cryo bank?


    For drinking on the job.
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    Apr 16, 2007 9:37 PM GMT
    A nurse and a gay intern were at the nurses station and the old chubby nurse said to the cute gay intern, "Did you see that guy in 3414b, he has W-E-N-D-Y tatooed on his penis?" The intern laughed and said "no it doesn't, it says W-E-L-C-O-M-E-T-O-J-A-M-A-I-C-A-H-A-V-E-A-N-I-C-E-D-A-Y!
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    Apr 16, 2007 11:44 PM GMT
    A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when a group of young boys pass them. The priest elbows the rabbi and, with his mouth watering in anticipation, he says: "You wanna screw those boys?" The rabbi stops and turns to the priest and says: "Outa what?"


    Three with one stone!!!
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    Apr 17, 2007 1:01 AM GMT
    Gay Baby

    Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

    Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gay’s delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

    “Isn’t it wonderful?” Brad exclaims “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”

    The nurse says, “He’s happy now, but just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”
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    Apr 17, 2007 2:19 AM GMT
    A woman walks by her 35-year-old daughter’s bedroom and stops in shock at the sight of her using a vibrator.
    “My darling daughter,” the mother exclaims, “what on earth are you doing!?”
    “Oh, mother, dear,” laments the daughter. “I will never meet a man to marry, and this vibrator gives me the only pleasure I will ever receive. I’ve decided it will be my husband.”
    “Well,” relents the mother, “I don’t know if it’s right, but I’ll support you.”

    A few days later the daughter’s father walks by her bedroom and stops in shock at the sight of her using the vibrator.
    “My dear daughter,” the father cries in shock, “what on earth are you doing!?”
    “Oh, daddy, dear,” the daughter explains, “I will never meet a man to marry, and this vibrator gives me the only pleasure I will ever receive. I’ve decided it will be my husband.”
    “Well,” the father contemplates. “I suppose I will have to stand by you in your decision.”

    The following week the mother and the daughter go on a little shopping spree. When they return, their mouths gape open in disbelief upon opening the door to their home.
    The husband, standing in the living room holding two glasses of scotch in each hand with his pants down to his ankles, has the daughter’s vibrator firmly implanted in his ass.
    “My dear husband!” exclaims the wife. “What on earth are you doing!?”
    “Getting to know my new son-in-law,” the husband explains, smiling.
  • jk8man

    Posts: 52

    Apr 21, 2007 4:53 AM GMT
    OK this is another poor one...but here goes


    Q) What does a gay horse eat?

    A) (in your best flaming voice) Haaayy!
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    Apr 22, 2007 9:24 AM GMT
    first ones not a gay joke....

    A father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "Son! How many times have I told you not to do that? Stop it! If you keep doing that, you'll go blind!"

    The son replies: "I'm over here, Dad."

    -------------

    One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin’ and a shakin’. The first flea asked, “What the hell happened to you?”

    To which the second flea replied “I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I’m so very coldddd!”

    The first flea said, “Don’t you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the mens cammode, wait for a young pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm”.

    The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin’, shakin’, and mumbling about how cold he was.

    The first flea exclaimed “Didn’t you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?”

    To which the second flea replied, “I did just as you said; I went to the mens cammode and this pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2007 8:47 AM GMT
    (Lesbian = Gay, in a way, right?)



    What do you call a dinosaur that's a lesbian?



    A Lickalotapus.
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    May 01, 2007 2:41 PM GMT
    What's a gay masochist?

    A sucker for punishment.
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    May 01, 2007 2:42 PM GMT
    It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.

    The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"

    So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.

    The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...

    The captain comes along with his swagger stick.

    He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.

    "No, Sir!" came the reply.

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

    The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.

    He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.

    "Did THAT hurt?"

    "No, Sir!"

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

    Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.

    "Did THAT hurt?"

    "No, Sir!"

    "Why not?"

    "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"