New Stock Market Terms

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

Bull Market -- a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market -- a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband sleeps alone.

Value investing -- the art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E Ratio -- the percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker -- what my broker has made me.

Standard & Poor -- your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst -- idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Split -- when your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner -- a guy whose phone has been disconnected.

Market Correction -- the day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow -- the movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo! -- what you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows -- what you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought yahoo @ $240 per share.

Institutional Investor -- past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

Profit -- an archaic word no longer in use.