'Friends don't fu*k friends'

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2007 6:24 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies about the ex's coming back for more. I took your advice, and told the ex's to leave me alone. I was online chatting with them until early in the morning. They hate me.

    When I was running tonight I decided to call one of my buddies from back in the day at UCLA.

    I'm in the 'Bros before hos' frame of mind...

    My buddy said, "you're even more hot for having the balls to finally get closure", and said that he thinks "after four years, its a significantly large step in a healthy direction"...

    He said i am 'hot'.

    The big surprise for me is he's my bro, my best **straight** friend and former roommate. He was with this chick until a few months ago, and i had a few guys since we first met. He's not gay. I seriously refuse to believe he even could be.- We slept in the same room for a year, we sleep in the same bed when we visit each other since college, we even use the bathroom at the same time getting ready to go out. He has never said anything like this...'hot'?

    He just moved to San Francisco a few weeks ago and wants to know if I'm "heading up soon... or whenever". I told him, soon. Is it a good idea?...

    Honestly, I would hit that like no other! I don't think we'd even be fully undressed. But, he's been my best buddy for 5 years. Do we try taking it to the next level? (Be honest plz.)
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    Oct 26, 2007 6:55 AM GMT
    Absolutely, why not?

    You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering. If he's such a great mate, he will be flattered and understanding even if he turns your advances down.

    If he gets offended, just say "well I think your hot too, and why shouldn't i have a go?"

    good luck mate
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    Oct 26, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    I would say . . .if he touches or makes any move on you Go for it! You should not initiate anything therefore he has to take full responsibility for his actions. U might be surprised how comfortable he becomes in the physical involvement.
    Good Luck and keep us posted!
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Oct 26, 2007 6:41 PM GMT
    Builthot is right. I would also say go for it, but dont make the first move. Give him hints that youre intrested so it will be easier for him to respond.
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    Oct 26, 2007 7:44 PM GMT
    Yikes, this is a tough one. If he makes the first move then yes reciprocate, just don't expect him to want a full-time relationship right away! He may have issues with coming to grips with his somewhat confused sexuality.
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    Oct 26, 2007 9:46 PM GMT
    "straight" friends often have trouble comming to terms with themselves.

    Note that some can be madly emotionally in love with you, but not be able to physically love you and some may want your body like crazy but never be able to be emotionally attached to you.

    I had an issue where a "straight" friend truly loved my mind and always wanted to be near me and with me and know how i was doing and couldnt handle the thought of anything ever happening to me, but at the end of the day he'd be out banging some chick.

    I say be subtle and if a moment should ever arise take it. If you're lucky maybe he'll wanna build a life with you, if not he'll probably be into having sex but not be anywhere near close to being ready to have a serious relationship.

    I know me and my "Straight" friend would share beds, spend time together, confide in each other and he later admitted that he never fully knew if he was straight or bi. But despite knowing his own sexual confusion he could never act on it. Sometimes guys like that just love having you as an extremely intimate close friend and nothing else.

    When he'd get depressed or tipsy, he'd write me or call me and tell me all the things he'd always wanted from me like to be able to hold me and cuddle and things like that. And then when I'd see him again he wouldn't even mention having said any of it. I grew tired of the I don't know response when I'd ask him how he felt about me. It later ended up being the force that drove us apart, I grew tired of it and it hurt him a lot because he truly cared and needed me a lot.

    So also question if this is a line that you truly want to cross.

    But either way good luck. Maybe you can suceed where I failed lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2007 7:16 AM GMT
    Hey guys. Thanks for the input. I am going to maintain the existing friendship! This doesn't mean that I am not open to more entirely seeing what he is seeing. I think this gives me yet another reason to hold him close as a buddy.

    Besides, I am into a guy that is equally as physically and emotionally available. Who knows.........maybe my buddy was setting me up to succeed with this new guy?? (Is that possible? A straight guy stroking a gay guy's ego? lol) That *actually* sounds more like my buddy than him showing signs of wanting to have a gay relationship with me. cheers ;)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 27, 2007 10:12 AM GMT
    Sounds like you narrowly averted armegeddon
    A str8 guy...
    who's your best friend...
    who might not even be gay...?

    Even if he came out and specifically asked you to have sex with him I'd leave this one alone
    He's likely struggling with some sort of sexuality issues
    and if you want to have him as a friend for a while longer keep the sex with other guys
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2007 3:58 AM GMT
    I pity fucked my "straight" friend, when he begged for it.

    What's funny is that he came back twice more. LOL. I told him...um {name ommitted to protect the bisexual} you're at least bi. Then, he told me I was just a hole to use. No more pity fucks for you.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 28, 2007 5:09 AM GMT
    Sounds like you got pity fuckedicon_exclaim.gif chunkster
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 28, 2007 5:12 AM GMT
    Aaron go for it. He is obviously gay or def bi!!
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    Nov 01, 2007 3:54 PM GMT
    now let's look at the evidence. he tells you your hot, he wants you to come visit and he's just moved to san francisco. now let me think?icon_wink.gif

    seriously though, you're both adults, he's your best friend, can you not have a conversation with him (with a few beers) along the lines of he's sending out some mixed signals? surely he's not going to be offended if you got the 'wrong idea'?

    reading back what i just wrote is probably for a parallel universe. i can think of so many missed opportunities when i was younger and was just too afraid or confused to act.

    you just have to use your intuition. you'll know whether it feels right or not.

    good luck
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Nov 02, 2007 3:01 PM GMT
    I think that as best buds, you should be able to ask him what he meant by saying you're hot. He probably would appreciate you asking on many levels.

    I have a couple straight male friends that feel the same way, but don't want to have sex, or are even sexually attracted. It is just an indication of their openness to be able to express that. Straight men have man crushes all the time, but it's usually not for the sex itself, but rather the closeness of the physical bond. Male intimacy is very complicated!!! As if we don't already know! icon_biggrin.gif

    Best of luck navigating the situation. I am sure it will work out the best way possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2007 4:46 PM GMT
    I think your over analyzing the issue. He just said you were hot he didn't say let's go out on a date.

    For you to even worry about that to me tells me your love life isn't going so great.

    Besides Staight guys in San Francisco are way more liberal here than anywhere else. My straight friends even ask me about my gay relationship all the time. I think you need to relax.

    I think you would be missing out on a great oppronunity to visit a great city if you pass this up.

    If you have any question on where to go, or need vip access to a club or gym let me know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2007 3:07 AM GMT
    Str8 guys don't have best friends that are gay. So you can help him and yourself out by meeting him in SF and instead of a hello hug or handshake put your hand on his crotch. IF he is really your best friend and str8 it will be a permissible joke if he needs someone "safe" to experiment with than you will have cut thru all of the awkwardness that could stop him from ever expressing his feelings for you. Don't expect love or a relationship ..a fuck bud when you need to figure out your sexuality is a friend indeed.