Need help maintaining the spark... URGENTLY! :|

  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 04, 2009 10:40 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I'm just gonna get right to it... I'm having a panic attack and need some advice desperately, which I'm sure I can get from the great guys here on RJ.

    I met this guy last Saturday night and we immediately found a spark and chemistry between us. It felt so awesome, for both me and him, as he said numerous times as the days rolled on.

    The problem that I'm finding now is that when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc. It's like I'm replaying a previous meeting, and I'm scared that he might think I'm rather boring or something like that and would leave me.

    Somehow I'm always entertained by whatever he says/does, but on my part I feel like I do nothing at all and just wait for him to say something that I can respond to. Maybe it's because I've met him everyday since we first met, or probably because everytime I've met him at his place of work (except for our second 'actual' date). But I've still put a lot of the blame on myself and have got worried all throughout yesterday. icon_cry.gif

    I don't want to lose him, I like him alot. Please give an unexperienced (relationshipwise) guy a hand, or maybe just a hug and hope that things will get better. Thanks guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 04, 2009 11:55 AM GMT
    ah sweet heart, its alright, thats actually quiet normal, your very new to all of this still, your hormones and emotions will still be all over the place and as such, you still get very caught up in the whole new, shiny, pretty things, nuffin to feel bad about, we all still do it on different levels..

    things have run there course, maybe take a break, a few days do other stuff.. come back later.. see how it feels then, no use trying to force something to happen if its not suppose too
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    Apr 04, 2009 1:52 PM GMT

    NONSENSE.
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    Apr 04, 2009 3:08 PM GMT
    muttskins saidHey guys,

    I'm just gonna get right to it... I'm having a panic attack and need some advice desperately, which I'm sure I can get from the great guys here on RJ.

    I met this guy last Saturday night and we immediately found a spark and chemistry between us. It felt so awesome, for both me and him, as he said numerous times as the days rolled on.

    The problem that I'm finding now is that when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc. It's like I'm replaying a previous meeting, and I'm scared that he might think I'm rather boring or something like that and would leave me.

    Somehow I'm always entertained by whatever he says/does, but on my part I feel like I do nothing at all and just wait for him to say something that I can respond to. Maybe it's because I've met him everyday since we first met, or probably because everytime I've met him at his place of work (except for our second 'actual' date). But I've still put a lot of the blame on myself and have got worried all throughout yesterday. icon_cry.gif

    I don't want to lose him, I like him alot. Please give an unexperienced (relationshipwise) guy a hand, or maybe just a hug and hope that things will get better. Thanks guys.


    Big Hug! I'd like to give you some advice to fix it, but I've done the same thing and it never ended in success. I've accepted it at just inexperienced youth. Just be yourself 100%.
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    Apr 04, 2009 4:43 PM GMT
    He likes you for who you are, not who you're trying to be. Relax and quit trying to "perform", trying to be Mr. Charming.

    Quit worrying about losing him and just get to know him. Otherwise, the tension you feel will be palpable and he'll notice it. Try to pretend this is someone you're not interested in sleeping with and it'll be much easier to relax.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 04, 2009 4:52 PM GMT
    I'm not trying to 'perform', I'm just... I dunno... confusion. I've been feeling down all day, but I'm trying to be positive.
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    Apr 04, 2009 5:54 PM GMT
    Kiddo, RELAX. Neither of you have to entertain the other or pretend to be someone else for the sake of this relationship. Just ask him questions to get to know him better, when you guys are together. If someone shows that he is interested in me, that makes him the most interesting person in the worldicon_biggrin.gif

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    Apr 04, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    Things don't happen because they are "supposed to" but because we make them happen.
    The question the becomes: what do you want to make happen?

    You really haven't given a lot of information (and you don't have to), so I'm going to say a bunch of things and it's up to you to consider if they apply or not.

    muttskins> when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc. It's like I'm replaying a previous meeting, and I'm scared that he might think I'm rather boring or something like that and would leave me. ...I don't want to lose him, I like him alot

    Obviously there must be something which made you attracted to him in the first place and kept the connection going the first week. Unless you've found out that he's not what you thought he was, or that you're attracted to the idea of having someone (rather than having him, with him just happening to be the object), then that should still be there.

    Don't feel like you only have to please him. What do you like to do? Have him go with you to something you do. To the bookstore or the museum, bowling or to a play... bring him into your life - where you are already on comfortable ground (rather than like a bull in the china shop of his life). And definitely don't meet at his place of work (for now) until you can get a more comfortable rhythm going.
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    Apr 05, 2009 2:45 PM GMT


    Muttskins said, "The problem that I'm finding now is that when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc."


    ....we take this to mean you feel you're losing interest and that horrifies you.

    Are we right?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 05, 2009 4:14 PM GMT
    You need to take it to the next level ...
    You're attracted to him sexually That was the initial Spark you said you had
    Now you need to bond with him mentally and emotionally
    and here you have to interact with him

    Talk to him ask him questions
    Find out what he likes and dislikes
    Tell him about you ..... and take it from there
    Just don't put any preconceived notions on it
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    Apr 05, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    You may want to consider the unpleasant realization that if that 'feeling' is gone after just a week from meeting him, he may not fully be the/a right person for you. This isn't a bad thing; it's a good sensor that perhaps you should move on, and keep yourself available for the next guy that makes you feel special.
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    Apr 05, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    Hmmm...well, I'd say if you are this concerned after one week imagine ten, twenty, thirty years or more with the same person.

    Just expect the novelty to wear off and become something more substantial if the relationship is meant to be and never live vicariously through anyone, ever.icon_cool.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 06, 2009 9:07 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Muttskins said, "The problem that I'm finding now is that when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc."


    ....we take this to mean you feel you're losing interest and that horrifies you.

    Are we right?


    No no... I haven't lost interest... far from that. I guess I'm still a little shy around him, and I'm misinterpreting it as him being uninterested somehow. Like I said I'm thinking it may be because the last few times I met him it was at his office, and hence we couldn't really bond. So now I'm hoping to find a day when we can go on a date again, to get to know each other better.

    I must admit as some of you pointed out that I might not have gotten over the novelty of the relationship, and hence it made the whole thing special. Now all I can do is hope that we can somehow keep up the excitement of getting to know each other.

    Thanks guys icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 06, 2009 1:53 PM GMT



    Apologies Muttskins, just the way you worded that sentence....


    Really, getting to know someone you feel for shouldn't be about the initial excitement, which wears off. Sometimes we both feel that may be the problem with many relationships, gay or straight or bi. Once the initial heady excitement of finding a like soul wears off (what we call 'first date syndrome') some people feel the romance is over. So then on to the next one for that addicting roller-coaster feeling...
    After all this time together, we each still get happy little electric jolts being with each other. Those are not excitement, more like surges of gratitude and appreciation for each other.
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    Apr 06, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    You just met the guy a week ago, and you've already lost that "spark?" That tells me all I need to know, and should do the same for you icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 06, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Get a sheep.
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    Apr 06, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    muttskins said
    meninlove said

    Muttskins said, "The problem that I'm finding now is that when I meet him, I end up feeling like there isn't anything anymore, like inspiration doesn't want to strike me so that I can surprise him, or say something sweet to him, etc."


    ....we take this to mean you feel you're losing interest and that horrifies you.

    Are we right?


    No no... I haven't lost interest... far from that. I guess I'm still a little shy around him, and I'm misinterpreting it as him being uninterested somehow. Like I said I'm thinking it may be because the last few times I met him it was at his office, and hence we couldn't really bond. So now I'm hoping to find a day when we can go on a date again, to get to know each other better.

    I must admit as some of you pointed out that I might not have gotten over the novelty of the relationship, and hence it made the whole thing special. Now all I can do is hope that we can somehow keep up the excitement of getting to know each other.

    Thanks guys icon_smile.gif



    Have you done the bunny hop as yet?
  • Sk8Tex

    Posts: 738

    Apr 06, 2009 4:00 PM GMT
    Sounds like you just got the jitters to me, dont give it too much of your attention though because one thing I have learned is if YOU think something is wrong, eventually you will convince him something is wrong too by your own actions.

    So friend just relax, take a deep breath, and while you dont have anything in particular to say, listen to him and continue responding to what he says to you.

    Because he's there talking to you, and not someone else. Thats all that matters right here and now isnt it?
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 06, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
    SanDiegoNewbie saidSounds like you just got the jitters to me, dont give it too much of your attention though because one thing I have learned is if YOU think something is wrong, eventually you will convince him something is wrong too by your own actions.

    So friend just relax, take a deep breath, and while you dont have anything in particular to say, listen to him and continue responding to what he says to you.

    Because he's there talking to you, and not someone else. Thats all that matters right here and now isnt it?


    I think you're 100% right... thanks SDN icon_smile.gif *hugs*