Those Crazy Straight Boys!

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  Oct 27, 2007 4:46 PM GMT

  This morning whilst my (straight) gym buddy and I were stretching after our workout, he exclaims to me: "Man! I am so tight today!" I of course burst into laughter and rolled around on the ground.
  
  So what unwitting double entendres have your straight friends come out with that made you smile?

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  Oct 27, 2007 6:46 PM GMT

  Fans of "Married With Children" know that every tenth episode or so, Kelly the dumb blond is "caught out of character" for a second, discussing nuclear physics or something on the phone, before "discovering" the camera and resuming her airhead persona.
  
  My Dad used to do that from time to time. He's say something so funny or intelligent (HUGELY out of character) that I'd spend the rest of the day trying to figure out whether he'd said that on purpose. I can't seem to recall any specific examples though.
  
  When I was helping a friend move into an apartment, he was attempting to sink a nail into the wall, to hang a shelf. After several attempts, he shouted out "Damn! I cannot find a stud to save my life!" Our other friend and I immediately started vamping it up behind his back, but he never turned around. Interestingly, now those same guys occasionally call to borrow my electronic stud-finder.

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• Alan95823
  
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  Oct 27, 2007 6:53 PM GMT

  After a recent health fair, complete with people dancing around in giant fruit costumes, one of my male co-workers was talking about how fun it looked and said:
  
  "I want to be the next big fruit around here"
  
  
  There was a very long silent pause in the conversation... No one laughed, and he tried to rephrase it.

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• gymingit
  
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  Oct 28, 2007 5:29 AM GMT

  On the other side of things... my straight trainer was telling me to keep my mouth shut and do as he says.... I wasn't to make any kind of sound... but somewhere down the line his mouth ended up in the perfect "O" shape and I couldn't help myself. "I've been told I'm pretty good at that." We are constantly going back and forth.... But he leaves himself so wide open for them. Granted he spends a lot of time going "la la la la la la" trying to drown me out, but if I have to listen about every female in the place with short shorts on.... then he deserves it. LOL
  
  LANCE

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  Oct 28, 2007 6:07 AM GMT

  We were tossing out some display items at work a few weeks ago and I had to carry several life-sized mannequin busts over to be compacted. We used to use them to display wigs for sale... Anyway, one of the straight guys I work for saw me come out of the back room struggling to carry about seven or eight of them. He comes running up to me to help and says "Hey! You wanna gimme some heads?"
  
  I replied, "What? Here? In front of everyone?"
  
  You could have heard a pin drop for a second and then everyone was rolling with laughter.
  
  

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  Oct 28, 2007 6:17 AM GMT

  My straight boyfriend (he's straight, but I see and talk to him possibly more than anyone I've ever dated, so I refer to him as such) and I were talking about hiking at one point this summer. At one point he told me we needed to "go Brokeback it up" the next weekend, before realizing the actual implications of that phrase. I had a hearty laugh over it.

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  Oct 28, 2007 5:43 PM GMT

  gymingitsomewhere down the line his mouth ended up in the perfect "O" shape and I couldn't help myself

  
  
  If you every hang out with a bunch of guys who have been diving in cold water all day - well, sometimes your mouth kinda gets frozen in that position, from gripping the breathing regulator.

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  Oct 28, 2007 7:02 PM GMT

  The Executive Director at work is gay, and I've paged him one time during a group strategy meeting, and told him that I always get nervous when they talk about "Targeting the low-hanging fruit". He had to hold in chuckle.

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  Oct 28, 2007 7:03 PM GMT

  I have a very close girl-friend of mine that likes to embarass me all the time in public when one time, she and I went to a gay-friendly seafood supermarket(plenty of cute guys around at the time), when a guy at the counter asked how she likes her fish, she immediately screamed "I LIKE IT RAWWW!" of course being her friend and standing right next to her, I turned beet red and wanted to run as fast as I could because I have recently explained to her what "raw" means in the gay lingo also aside from the fact that the guys around were pretty cute and gave us the weirdest looks.
  
  

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  Oct 28, 2007 8:04 PM GMT

  This was from my father-in-law!
  
  We were at the family cottage and getting in the lake for the first time. The lake bottom was still kinda gunky and gross feeling and so I made a comment about it.
  
  My husband, who didn't hear me, asks what I'm complaining about and his father says, "He doesn't like the algae underfoot. He wants a rougher bottom." There's a long pause and then he says, "I guess that could sound kinda kinky huh..." I just dove under the water.

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  Oct 28, 2007 8:14 PM GMT

  One of my bi friends who is straight to everybody but myself and his gf of 2 years was stuck in the closet. What more need i say?

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  Oct 28, 2007 8:25 PM GMT

  Thanks for the awesome replies, dudes! Alex, that last one is hilarious!!! Who rescued him???

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  Oct 28, 2007 10:22 PM GMT

  The coach at my gym is straight but really open and gay-friendly and funny. I was having a specific training issue that he had been mulling on and he came out of the bathroom and said, "Dude, I was thinking of you while I was in the bathroom." I kept walking past and said, "You know...you keep that up, people around here are gonna talk." He laughed pretty hard about that one.

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  Oct 30, 2007 9:41 PM GMT

  In one of my golf tournamennts, we were playing in a Scramble (everyone hits from the same place) and I was hitting last. One of the guys hit it on the green while the others missed. As I stood up to hit my shot, the one who had hit his ball on the green said "Put it inside me!"* I had to stop laughing before I could hit my shot.
  
  *to the non-golfers, that meant "hit it onto the green but closer to the flagstick than I did."

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• jrs1
  
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  Mar 27, 2010 11:58 PM GMT

  just the things they do ...
  
  
  
  guess you didn't notice that hole placement?
  
  
  
  and so this is christmas ...
  
  
  
  " oh, yeah. it's real. "
  
  
  
  short-shot:
  
  
  

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